 |
The two CRFC Legends at Tonic (Wolverine & O'Cal) |
First it was the ABA and the NBA. Then it was AOL and Time Warner. Now by popular demand, we have merged two more industry giants in the Wolverine Trap and TiCal’s Corner for a special one time only feature. O’Cal and Wolverine have been around since the 1st CRFC league back in the Fall of 2000. O’Cal is a CRFC playing and coaching legend and actually won the 1st ever CRFC brick at age 17, while the Wolverine at one time was the league’s all-time leading scorer and rebounder. Neither of them has done very much lately, so since they have so much time on their hands, it was decided to dive in and find out more about each of them.
Wolverine: Well, this is going to be very interesting. I have always had a few questions that I was afraid to ask you in person, and now I can do it via this email, I mean, interview.
TiCal: I know, but don’t become one of those internet tough guys. You know the type that will anonymously post something and not back it up.
Wolverine: In the words of Greg Poulos - Gutless!
TiCal: Just remember who made sure no one messed with you when I was a teenager hanging out in Davis Square and you were living right near there.
Wolverine: You saved me from the Winter Hill gang on many occasions. And it’s almost like we are the same person. You are from Medford and I am from Saugus, we both do CRFC write-ups, you are 21 and I am, umm, ok, you get all the girls and I, well…ok, let’s stop. You get the point though.
TiCal: I may see the resemblance once I start growing facial hair. However, I am only 21 for another couple of days and if McMahon would have let you eat his scraps instead of throwing them away, then maybe you would have gotten more num-nums.
Wolverine: I don’t know what num-nums are, but they sound almost as good as those BK chicken fries Ramon, Turin and Kevy keep talking about.
TiCal: Other than Chise, who was the Wolverine's heroes growing up?
Wolverine: As far as sports, George Brett, Bernard King and Lester Hayes were my favorite players. I didn’t watch hockey. You probably have only seen those guys on ESPN Classic. Currently, I am a big fan of Howard Roark and Dick Proenneke.
TiCal: Matt, be honest, what did it feel like growing up in the Chise's shadow? I mean no one grows up wanting to be Robin, everyone wants to be Batman, how did you handle this?
Wolverine: Well, I actually was Batman up until 9th grade. Then McMahon went to Hoop Mountain basketball camp that summer and came back with an extra 5 inches in height and 7 inches in vertical leap. And I spent that summer working on my 1st serve percentage. In a fit of jealousy, I asked the Saugus Board of Selectmen to investigate what exactly McMahon consumed up there that summer, but they responded with about as much zeal as Bud Selig. As a matter of fact, I don’t think I was even Robin on our high school hoop team. I was more like Alfred – somewhat essential when you think about it, but nobody really tuned in to see him.
TiCal: I have known you for quite some time now and you have gone through a butterfly like cycle. Could you describe what was going on in your life at these stages in your life that led to these changes? First, you were a solid player. Then you became a dominant Champ (Thick and Thicker Tubes). Then you hit your first midlife crisis at 28 and picked up a squash racquet. After you found out squash players don’t get chicks, you went back to basketball. Now currently, you semi-retired from basketball again, playing only A2 and competing in triathlons.
Wolverine: Man, where are the softballs? I ALWAYS START WITH SOFTBALLS!!! Well, in my mid twenties when I first joined CRFC all I cared about was playing basketball. I am pretty sure we played pick-up almost every night, and those were the nights we started at 8PM. Then all I wanted to do was win CRFC Championships, so that took up most of my free time. This focus, while admirable, put a strain on my long-term relationship at the time which I feel lead to its ultimate demise. After rocking the Coke machine back and forth, it finally fell over and I found myself single again and still at CRFC. That was right around the time you broke up with your ex, remember?
TiCal: How could I forget? When you [meaning me] and your friends still refer to her as the Hurricane, you tend not to live that down.
Wolverine: Is the Hurricane a good thing or a bad thing?
TiCal: I should explain. There’s always a calm before the storm, right? That would be her- she’d be really mellow, then BANG! Like a hurricane she’d come out of nowhere and be flipping out on me, usually when she was a bit inebriated. My friends would see this and be like “wow she was just really calm then she would be crazy, like when a hurricane hits” and then the nickname was born.
Wolverine: Interesting. I hate to put you on the spot like this, but do you think the relationship you are in now will last beyond the college years?
TiCal: No problem man, the way I see it if Zack Morris and Kelly Kapowski did it, then anything is possible. But I never plan that far ahead. I’m not like a lot of people. Just because I have a girl right now, that does not mean she is the right girl. But everything is going pretty well and we shall see. Finish your answer please about your lifecycle.
Wolverine: Oh, so, I decided to retool my life and focus less on hoops and more on whatever else. Squash didn’t work out so well as I quickly remembered why I stopped playing in college, but teaching spin and training for triathlons has been fun. I say test out as many roads as you wish. And there is nothing wrong with turning around once in a while either.
TiCal: OTJ says Serge is claiming he took some woman you were into away and she rolls back at his crib now. What's up with that?
Wolverine: I don’t usually keep up with any of my ex’s affairs once I have exited the situation, so I don’t really know. But I am sure Serge has a few more spin moves than we think.
TiCal: OK, let’s talk a little about the league. OTJ says that there is a power struggle between you and the Commish for control of this league. As Ronnie James Dio would say, are you the "next in line?”
Wolverine: Nope, I just work here. And for all those questions OTJ sent in about the Golden Banana, the answer is yes to all of them.
TiCal: Well then can you ask your family members for some change? I thought I gave her a single rather than a five. I still got one more year of college, so every dollar counts.
Wolverine: Exactly what does a typical college kid’s week look like these days?
TiCal: Very blurry the majority of times. However, college life is on a downward spiral now that I’m back home saving up for law school after undergrad. But when I was at school a couple months ago for 3 years, it was fun. Some stuff I don’t think I should mention, I don’t want to make everyone else jealous for being over the hill, while I’m in my prime.
Wolverine: Have you ever knowingly taken any performance enhancement drugs?
TiCal: Let me just say for the record, that I never, ever (with my finger pointing at you) taken any performance enhancing drugs. Unless there is an advantage to looking 15 and having the strength of a 13 year old girl, I don’t know why I would fall under suspicion.
TiCal: Ok, back to the leagues. Name your 5 top players that you love to watch, any league, of all time?
Wolverine: From a pure entertainment value perspective, I’d have to go with an all kerosene team of Ron Vogl, Mike Kaup, Rob Donovan, Rami Mehlo, and Bojan.
TiCal: If you could bring back a departed CRFC personality, who would it be and describe the person for those who never knew him/her?
Wolverine: I’d bring back Kim Knauf. Reason should be obvious. But for basketball reasons, I’d bring back Mike Kaup, no question. For those of you who don’t know him, this guy was the basis for the novel Jekyll and Hyde. Off the court, he was the nicest guy you ever wanted to meet. He even treated me to lunch one time when I was a struggling graduate student. On the court, he was the biggest prick you could ever find on any court – yelling at people who didn’t understand the game and were just trying to get a run in, talking trash, yelling at refs, etc. I am pretty sure he got into fights with just about everyone at CRFC during his tenure, myself included. I just wish the parking lot lady was here when he was – that would be a battle of epic proportions.
Wolverine: Let’s talk drafts. Why do you keep drafting Matt West?
TiCal: You need role players to win here. West is a ferocious competitor. As far as big men go he is the smallest, but plays the biggest. Plus, when someone who knows Matt sees that they are playing him, it’s a psychological edge because they know its going to be a tough game. Without feeling disappointment (meaning losing 2 straight first round games) one can not truly appreciate victory. I will draft West without hesitation every league.
Wolverine: West is a great defender. I also heard you were the only player ever to actually draft OTJ. Can you comment on his game and how it helped/did not help your team?
TiCal: I don’t even know if I ever even told anyone this, but at first I thought the OTJ was a great competitor. What he lacked in youth and skill, he made up for by playing towards his strengths: D and his patented jump shot, when left open he can stick. He was a tough physical defender, maybe sometimes a hacker, but that’s what I wanted of my bench player. Plus, if I ever needed to score some good grass, I thought I could ask OTJ.
Wolverine: You have pretty much grown up at CRFC. Who has been your biggest mentor here?
TiCal: I would have to say I learned a lot from everyone. But my biggest mentor would have to be the Commish, but for good reasons. When I started here Josh was the boss on the weekends and he used to let me do whatever I wanted as long as I kept the place clean. He never talked down to me and still to this day has always had my back when I needed something from the club. Business wise, the Commish is on point. He balances the gyms and players interest fairly and better than anyone else could. With someone always unhappy in this league, I think he does a great job tending to the masses. When I’m a boss in the near future (knock on wood), I will definitely treat everyone as well as I have been treated.
TiCal: In your opinion, who was or is, the single greatest influence in CRFC basketball?
Wolverine: Other than our boss the Commish, I’d have to go with Joey Diesel. Although he has faded into bolivian, he was the first to really market the league with his nicknames, write-ups and point of view that is uniquely Diesel. Nobody can match his perspective on things. I feel like we are Tiger Woods and Vijay Singh of the CRFC write-ups and he is the Jack Nicklaus. If we actually got anything for the write-ups and interviews, we’d owe it all to him.
TiCal: If the Commish set up a CRFC outreach program that sent some of the CRFC stars out into the community, what advice would you give to the youth of America? And it can’t be something about McMahon.
Wolverine: Walk to work and run home.
Wolverine: What is your single greatest life achievement to date outside of CRFC?
TiCal: I would have to say being where I am right now. Not too many people I grew up with are looking as good as I am in life so far. I mean, I could one day take over the gym, drive it into the ground and end up testing additives for the government. But for now I’m on the right track to financial success.
Wolverine: Really? You have won back to back most wasted awards at the league night out. Are you going to go for the Triple Crown this Fall?
TiCal: If I can’t win a title, I’m going to win something. Fall league, I’m your Seabiscuit.
Wolverine: CRFC has had some great one-liners in its history - Dart asking me who the Commish was after playing here for three years, Bojan telling Kaup that it was b/c of dumb Americans like him that foreigners like himself could succeed in this country, etc. What is the greatest line you have ever heard at CRFC?
TiCal: One league drink night some chick asked Diesel “What do you bench?” Diesel responded with “What do you drive?”
Wolverine: Do you think John Bolton can make the leap from a very successful singing career to the US Representative to the United Nations?
TiCal: Hell no. We don’t need another reason for other countries to hate us. I mean if there is a problem, what’s the guy going to do sing “When a man loves a woman?” He should just stick to singing last songs at 8th grade dances. But when will Ralph Nader win an election?
Wolverine: A free country deserves the government it elects. I just wish our country ended at the Mason-Dixon line.
TiCal: What is one of your hidden talents?
Wolverine: Refereeing basketball.
TiCal: Before the operation, did you know Eva Longoria use to be Evan Longoria?
Wolverine: Oh, no. No way you are raining on this parade. She is the epitome of female perfection. You know, Paris Hilton recently got engaged to a man with the same first name. If you were forced to choose, which Sean would you become engaged to and why?
TiCal: Diddy got the drop on all Sean’s. The man walks around at his party’s in a bath robe, handing out bottles of $1000 Crystal. You can’t beat that, plus he’s had them all, J-lo, Lil Kim…wait a second, who hasn’t had them?
Wolverine: And a lot more people are about to have Lil’ Kim when she gets to jail.
TiCal: Tell the CRFC faithful something they don’t know about you.
Wolverine: I am currently writing a screenplay with a friend of mine that we hope to finish and market by next year. I have a few other screenplay ideas as well and you can be sure that some of the characters at CRFC will be used in some way shape or form.
Wolverine: You, unlike most of us reading this, especially OTJ, have your whole life ahead of you. What are your future plans after CRFC?
TiCal: Wait, life after CRFC? There’s life outside the write ups and posting on the boards? Probably law school if Paris doesn’t change her mind and marry me. The ultimate goal at one point in my life was finding a rich chick, but I think law school is a good back up plan.
Wolverine: If you find one, see if she has any sisters, I mean aunts, for me.
TiCal: Sorry Matty but if she has a sister, I’m gonna mack on her too, you know, just for insurance.
| 
