Well, well, well – this will be the second blog – post in as many weeks despite the fact the last one prior was a sit down with the now ex-CAC-er Josh Zuk in like February of 2010. Ironically – I am replacing Mr. Zuk in the Co-Ed ranks behind the mic/table.
Few notes about this peculiar situation:
- Zuk – Other then O’Cal – you had the most impact on paper in the past six years I have been here. Your game is abysmal so if you are returning to the Northeast as a dentist in a few years – starting shooting jumpers NOW and bring the perks. But your skills as a writer/blogger/dbag went unquestioned for the past two seasons and I have a huge mountain to climb to show these Co-Ed folks a thing or two about playing in the best league in Boston. Hopefully the Commish allows you to continue to blog (Josh – pay the man) so we get the hilarity of “down south”.
- With that said – I was the referee for this league the past two seasons. Part time in the spring and full time this past summer. Somehow – that was stripped from me. I have nothing to go on other then shockingly the Director of CAC Basketball and his lovely wife have decided to enter a team in this division and felt I would be bias against their ridiculously stacked team. Prove me wrong otherwise as DMac has reffed the same leagues for the past 18 seasons, Filosa somehow continues to reincarnate himself since 1999, and Harry Smith “took his talents to South Beach”. So the only complainer out of 150 Co-Ed Freaks is no longer here…so please don’t ask why I am not the official anymore after:
- Game…Blouses goes undefeated until their three main cogs played like blind midget chicks in the finals
- Boozer became a household name.
- We – as a group – would be ok telling each other “to go F-themselves” – yet knock back 15 beers at the Sunset or Tommy D’s.
- Don’t tell me it’s cause Genzyme won the finals. Ask Rory and Reddick if I was a factor.
So the nice thing is – while I’m not back…I am back. Even better? I have the stroke of the pen to destroy those who try to tear down the House of BFab. So – I’m in a better place to serve the Co-Ed community and keep in check everyone and anyone – especially those men who think blocking the fine Ladies of the CAC to the bleachers is something the cool kids do in a Co-Ed League.
Ok – back to your regularly scheduled programming – enough hashing about last season. We are one week away from tossing up the rock again!! FINALLY! This will be up on the Message Boards as well:
So feel free to send your pot shots, defend your team’s ranking, and always make fun of Tibbs. Next week – a new season begins so here is the 2010 Co-Ed Fall-Winter Preview:
Each season we have the veterans and a few new rookies. But this season is a little different as the league has expanded to two gyms (HELLO LINDSAY – AND WELCOME TO THE MADNESS) and now we have 12 teams. No more cruising into the playoffs or losing in OT in Round One to the eventual champions (see Dizzy Llamas) as a lower seed. You have to work to make the playoffs this season.
Let’s go top to bottom – pros, cons, hilarity – for each team in how I see them fit into the Co-Ed puzzle this season:
No. 12 – Dizzy Llamas White – There seems to be Llama cloning going on and the team has expanded from one, to two, now three squads in the uber-competitive Co-Ed League. So why is Dizzy White last? None other then my arch nemesis Pat Milena. Upon review – Milena was on this squad last season but does not show up on the official Llama White roster.
Either way – Milena’s mere presence gets everyone on this squad the 12th seed to start the season. Might start calling Pat M “The Cloud” or “The Curse of Milena”.
Pros: Took last season’s eventual champion, Genzyme, to the brink in a double-overtime thriller. Genzyme survived and went the distance probably making for a long summer for the Llamas White. But was it a mirage? A fluke? You have to put the Llama White squad away early cause they have a penchant for hanging with you in the end all due to the flying bandana of Pat Brown. Brown may find it tougher to score against some of the new-look rookie teams, but he is the straw that stirs the drink. The Anti-Milena if you will.
Cons: Milena (just kidding man). Thin bench. The women work hard but the women are getting better across the board in the Co-Ed ranks. As the bench is thin – it is probably going to be even thinner with three Llamas teams running and gunning this fall. Take it from me – creating three teams – even two teams – in the same division only waters down the talent pool for each team.
No. 11 – Dizzy Black: Claffey lists only himself for this squad and that’s because either the rosters are still under construction or a certain Director of CAC Basketball hasn’t gotten his act together in over four years. “Poppa Llama” may have bitten off more then he can chew though splitting the Llama franchise into three squads. With no real roster – they sit at No. 11. Goes to show you the faith I have in Pat Milena regardless that his name is mysteriously omitted from all Llama rosters.
Pros: I’m assuming Poppa Llama is on Dizzy Orange so I can speak of any pros without the new faces for the Llama’s that I can Google all night long. And yes, EVERY new name gets the Google treatment – as you will see later. Great nicknames and the skin to handle even the bad ones. I will utilize JZuk as he pours his heart into being in 65-year old women’s saggy mouths for the next 20 years and figure out his nickname madness for the past two seasons. For instance:
BFab – What is Claff’s nickname again?
JZuk – Poppa Llama – I tried to make it as pedophile as possible
BFab – makes sense.
Cons: Being a third of a llama with no roster? Is this one of the Llama legs? A stitch of fur? Gross no matter what if it is the third installment with a bunch of people the first two teams don’t want to play with. One Llama team could be a contender.
No. 10 – Back Door Babies – Back Doors are BACK and BETTER…well, that remains to be seen as I see quite a number of familiar names on the roster so unless they upgraded somewhere – this will be a long season. Longer then the wait we all had to get this season started already! But other then having great fun with the team name…a long season awaits.
Reading back on some former games from two seasons or so ago – the BDB had a penchant for losing to some of the bottom barrel teams, so I can’t welcome them back with a playoff seed right off the back, can I? They have to earn it! BDB will not recognize this as the friendly CAC confines from seasons ago. This Co-Ed league has been expanded, stacked, flatten out, and honestly – another “friendly” league down the tubes. The Co-Ed Division is all of a sudden pure business. Welcome back – sort of.
Pros – they know the ropes. They are used to playing in the not-so-fancy King School and can run with their deep roster of players.
Cons – A season off will prove detrimental as the league is so much better in terms of competition. They will be shocked by the upgrades and may not have time to recover to make a serious playoff run. While they avoid the revamped Weapons of Mass Seduction squadron – they play all the other top dogs. Not good.
No. 9 – Dizzy Orange – One word “Tarentino”. Dude is a beast and can bang with the best of them. Is he really playing though? Showed for one or two games last season and was ineligible for the playoffs which made Poppa Llama one sad camelid. Only guy to give Pat Brown a run for his llama cash in the paint. Also was the only guy who I had to sprint to break up a fight. And most know my sprinting should be limited.
Well – it was not much of a fight as “The Greek” undercut Tarentino on a rebound and the big man ruptured his Achilles back in the day (like someone I know – aka – me) and got a little – just a little – irritated. The Greek Bakla-V will deny it till he is blue in the face but it’s a 20-to-1 argument as everyone else saw it.
Pros: If this team truly has Poppa, Tarentino and E. Devlin running in the first five – they could make some noise and move up the rankings. Battle of the Llamas – this team should shine and in Llama Country – that is all that matters usually.
Cons: Well – it’s repetitive but splitting teams into three usually results in splitting talent. No team will be stacked with the “best” or “worst”. That is why all three Llamas bring up the rear until they prove differently.
**There is an orange and white Llama – but where is black??**
No. 8 – Above the Rim Jobs – here sits our first playoff spot and I couldn’t be more thrilled to be covering Boozer, Zebra Pants, and “The Boat” and the rest of the Jobbers. A “Jobber” in wrestling vernacular is a guy who gets his ass handed to him – night in and night out. So the nickname for this team may fit unless they added some firepower I am unaware of.
Pros: No more grief from “Boozer’s wife” Danielle. Chris – aka Boozer – having to find a Chicago Bulls jersey quickly or he will look very outdated. His wife won’t allow that. Good interior work from the big men and offensive put-backs keep this team in games. Defense from the Twin Towers up front is stifling. Best defensive tandem up front – and both twins are women, fellas – protect your balls…
Cons: Hate to say it – since I am a major offender – conditioning. Team has plenty of depth but the problem is they can’t keep their stars on the court long enough to keep pace. Don’t sleep on the Jobbers cause they can pull the rug right out (ask Jaeger) if you leave them around, but the up-and-down action wears them down quickly. With 5 games at the King and 4 at the Kennedy – they need to sweep the Kennedy games to stay in the pack. i.e. – Kennedy School is MUCH smaller to run end-to-end. Good for the Jobbers.
No. 7 – Thank You Jagermeister – I know, I know…people are already rolling their eyes. These guys can’t win close ones, they barely make the playoffs, and their roster is too small. I get it. But something about “addition by subtraction” tell me that with “The Greek” jumping ship to Wheels of Steel this season – Gelow has something up his sleeve.
It can’t be Orange Slices (recently signed with Shirt B4 Da Shirt). Gelow already has Devin Boyle under contract so could he be bringing someone else from the former B2 West 4v4 Champs? I say YES. This league is too stacked not to get more firepower on board here. Without some additions – specifically a certain Italian we know – Jager will slip quickly out of the top 8. I promise you that. Five Hard Fouls Mike Gerrity counts in the size department – but is that enough to release Gelow to shoot (and shoot often).
Pros: Brian Gelow. Quiet as a mouse and lets his tough play do the talking. It’s like Gelow plays for the Oklahoma City Thunder. Let’s say Russell Westbrook played for the Lakers or the Celtics. Think he’d be a little more well known? Exactly. Perfect parallel. One of the best this league has to offer yet no one knows him as he mans the Jager ship.
Spunky Kaptain Kate, Casey, and Kathy give the Jagers a nice three-girl rotation – but see below in terms of “not enough”.
Cons: Depth. Zero – and now they lose The Greek, who could shoot when he showed. Gerrity can’t shoot – so the trade off is not optimal. Gelow has to play down low yet can shoot 60% from the King Floor from 15-feet away. But he has no option to play outside as he has to do most of the rebounding in a sea of Co-Ed trees to even give Jager a chance. Gelow would be an MVP candidate if he could get some help in the paint. Paging Mr. Sorrentino. Mr. Sorrentino.
No. 6 – Ballocrats – Going on a small limb here as this rookie team is leap-frogging over quite a few veteran teams to make their debut at No. 6. In speaking with team captain Rob Eckstut – he has this to say:
Rob: Our team is the opposite of stacked. I think about half our team played high school ball and the only college experience was intramural play. We also don’t have much size.
Eck-Stud (dude is a sick pro poker player) went on to say he “thinks” Sara (Briggs) played some college. Well – she was a three-sport all-star at UMass-Dartmouth and coaches hoops at Newbury today. I would say that qualifies.
With some more research – Rob himself held his own in the B1 4v4 last season and is trying to build a cornucopia of teams very much like my hey day at Genzyme. Good luck with the Empire building, Rob. Every Empire built eventually crumbled.
Pros – leading candidate for Women’s Rookie of the Year in Sara Briggs. Some CAC experience which may translate to the bigger courts.
Cons – first timers in Co-Ed and at the palace called the King School (or Kennedy for that matter). Wont be used to the scorching heat playing full court. Look to be “light in height” – i.e. not enough dudes to crash the boards. With only one girl needed on the floor (a rule that should be looked at for 2011…) – Eck-Stud may need to gamble a little on defense to stay in the hunt for the playoffs.
No. 5 – Wheels of Steel – pre-season favs last year tumble all the way to No. 5? Do I like to heckle Monroe that much? Well – from what I see from the roster handed in – what happened to Bryan Arndt? Tell me you replaced Arndt with The Greek?
Pros – Outside shooting. Nick, Tristan (no no no, YOU are fn terrible) and Monroe are one of the better tri-tag teams from beyond the arc. Monroe, always an MVP candidate, used to be the biggest sandbagger in the Co-Ed division with B1 5v5 experience on his resume – but his mantle has been squashed (keep reading).
Cons – Size? That’s what Laura says, Monroe. Arndt was probably a first-team center last season. Never read Zuk’s nonsense for awards since Genzyme got mentioned like once despite winning the whole thing. But no Arndt? Is Matty Rob the only big? And that’s being nice as Matty loves the 10-12 foot jumpers. Teams are getting better while the Wheels keep getting worn down. Will get KILLED on the boards without Arndt on a bad shooting night.
No. 4 – Genzyme – See Tibbetts? I can be impartial. Genzyme wins the banner, the flag, and the whole enchilada and returns the same cast of characters only to get the No. 4 ranking? What gives? Even a possible addition of the Animal Garrett Tingle to the roster won’t help the Evil Empire from moving up this pre-season list.
BTW – Tingle runs and operates Tommy Doyle’s. He is responsible for the jersey on your back. So if he is running with Genzyme – say hello and please thank him for the thousands he loses on a yearly basis laying in bed with The Commish. Who doesn’t lose doing that? I’m here all season long – leave the tips at the table.
But The Diamond Gwen Browne (assumed Rookie of the Year) was outstanding for Genzyme and with AB and Lawson back in the fold – this could be an interesting year for the defending champs. I mean they won the whole thing without Carrot Hop (Lawson) down the stretch so he only adds, no? Biehler, Tingle, and Lawson would spell – by far –the best conditioned team in the Co-Ed League. Anyone for a little run-n-gun??
Last season JZuk kicked off Lew Finnegan despite Finn actually being a Genzyme employee and very qualified to play on a corporate team. Well – I wonder if I will have the same autonomy with the rest of this division as this season progresses.
Pros – Gwen Browne is a tough cookie despite the lean, mean look. Top five in the women’s circles last season in her first CAC experience. Conditioning will run teams out of the building in the second half with Sam Rock Em Sok leading the PG brigade out of the gates. Schofield was just getting warmed up last season after a two year hiatus so expect even more from the stylish big man – 20 rebounds in the finals…yikes.
Cons – Despite showing to most games with 83 players – the lack of depth on this team is alarming. Shooting outside is also a major concern and other then Captain John McEnelly (Finals hero) and occasionally Lawson when his hangnails aren’t bothering him – this team is woefully thin shooting from downtown. No – Biehler is not a shooter.
No. 3 – Game…Blouses – Undefeated regular season. Only one loss. Yeah – when it counted. So what do they do? They kick Nibs off the team and replace him with a guy who no-showed mostly last season and supposedly is a pass-first point guard? Really? Nibs – 15-18 a game for a PG who distributes? Isn’t that what L$ and Stockton are there for? Weird.
But Rory knows his hoops and I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt after his implosion in the championship game because he had the guts to show up for the after-party for the free food and beers unlike a sulky kid from Duke we all know.
But honestly – the No.3 seed is where we start to separate the haves from the have-nots. I think Genzyme caught lightning in a bottle and took advantage of a nervous GB team last season. Experience counts and GB has it now.
Pros – have played together for years, but wilted in first champ run at the CAC. Part of the Llama crew that figured out that winning was not a priority for Poppa Llama and branched off into their own entity. Size, shooting, hot chicks – wait…did I just say that? Their women are no slouches either with Steph Stockton leading the charge. Other then the women – their front line can average 6’1’’ and above as well. So it makes it easier to cover up…
Cons – …the suspect outside shooting. This team has it all to make another run at the title but they deleted their only slasher – but maybe that means a bigger role for Nate Dogg. Not sure if the lack of additions helps or hinders.
No. 2 – Shirt B4 Da Shirt – Honestly – I think this marks the first time in roughly 15 seasons being a part of CAC Staff that I get to ruin Jason Tibbetts on a weekly basis. I used to share a B2 Division with him and we would battle back and forth often – but this is the first time I will man the mike as he sweats his way to the oldies, to having a towel around his head in crunch time, and adding to his CAC playoff misery (1-9 in championships and counting).
Why No. 2? Cause despite Tibbs and my continued battles – he knows how to build a team and he didn’t fail with this one – at all. Down low – Tibbs, Henderson (only a top five pick in A1 – best league CAC has on 4v4 level), and Orange Slices form an unbelievable 3-4-5 punch. If Tibbs can convince THen to play big – this will be the difference between championship punch vs. punches on the sidelines with a first round loss. If anyone wants any tips on how to shut Henderson down – inquire within.
Oh the women you ask? SBDS sports a potpourri of former college stars from Gripp (RPI) to LJ (7 PPG as a starter for Tufts) to Amanda Davidson (Wellesley). Here check the CAC stats for yourself:
No, no no – I didn’t forget Loren Turner who only boasts a double-double every night and is a reigning 5v5 champion in last season’s women’s division – something most of you can not boast about. Loren is another thorn in my side so her “marriage” with this team is so appropriate on so many levels. Great to have you here Loren – you deserved your own paragraph.
There you have it – absolutely stacked. Tibbs might be the worst of the bunch. That’s simply awesome.
Pros: Unbelievable college pedigree and not too far removed from it either. Shooting from outside (Gripp from the corner is on par with ANYONE), post up moves inside (Tibbs, Henderson) and a “gamer” without the word “loss” in her vocabulary (Turner).
Cons: Nepotism. This is the first time – which I am aware of – that three couples are playing together on the same team. Grippetts, Jasinkenson, and Amanda Vig (I don’t even know her – but she has to run the show in this relationship) are all roomies, married, tied at the hip – something. Implosion is a guarantee.
The women will be fine – but conditioning for the men? Tibbs has yet to play a full season in 5v5, Vig’s just getting back in the swing and Henderson dominates 4v4 so much – his numbers in 5v5 look pedestrian.
I’d say championship jitters but Gripp and Turner outweigh even Boozer and me on the title scales and know how to get it done. But are they enough to lift the TBC? (Tibbs Banner Curse)?
No. 1 – Weapons of Mass Seduction – you read Team No. 2 in the rankings and say…how could there be a better team? Well…while Tibbs was trying his best to build a championship team in any division he can get his name on a banner for – he let this one slip right under this nose.
WOMS came within a triple-OT, terrible foul at half court (Heather Charlene – HC is the place to be), and a few freebies from Dave Ice Celli from being in the finals last season and would have given Genzyme a better game.
What did they do? OH – just add a 6’6’’ former D2 player from Bryant (Mike Rocco) who dominated B2 5v5 enough that it got his team kicked up to B1 5v5 three seasons ago and then slid in a super-stud from D3 Southern New Hampshire. Rocco went as far as the NCAA championship game with Bryant back in 2005 and was named to the All-Decade team for Bryant as an All-American in baseball as a first baseman. Total slouch. I dare someone to prove me wrong – but no one in this league can stop Rocco from scoring 40 if he wants to.
And then super-sleeper Will Dileso dropping 40 a game in rec leagues in New Hampshire after graduating…last year? Dude is in his early 20’s. i.e. – gonna run people out of the building.
Other then SBDS and maybe Game Blouses…this team should win every game by 30-plus.
Pros: The women on this team do not give a flying…you know what. They know they can play with anyone and intend on doing it. Charlene and Sara Doe will do whatever is necessary to win. Magic Johnson? Only led the league in assists last season and was in top 3 discussions for MVP. New Additions anyone?
Cons: New people = chemistry issues. Will the newbies even show up? Will Rocco play one game and say – “Are you kidding me?” This is not a league on his level – but he will make a major difference if he comes to play even half the games with playoffs.
So – in short – from top to bottom – here is your 2010 Pre-Season Power Poll:
1. Weapons of Mass Seduction
2. Shirt B4 Da Shirt
5. Wheels of Steel
7. Thank You Jagermeister
8 Above the Rim Jobs
9. Dizzy Llamas Orange
10. Back Door Babies
11. Dizzy Llamas Black
12. Dizzy Llamas White
There you have it – now let me have it…
PS – that was done over two days, two fantasy football drafts and roughly 55 Miller High Lifes. What? You have a problem with the High Life too? Tough to be unemployed…