Welcome to the Fall 2009 5v5 B West Selection Show (thatís a mouthful)!!
Much like all of my lifeís scrupulous decision making, I have comprised this preview based on a refined method of selection I like to call ìeenie-meanie-minie-mo.î You may have heard of it in one of your advanced applied economics courses? I find that not only is it completely unbiased, but that it more importantly deflects any and all liability on my behalf. Not to mention itís a sensitive time of year and I canít run the risk of googling names like, Manorack de Kok-Somviengxay.
So, after strategically tossing your team names into a small plastic cup and pulling them out with determined precision here are the anticipated resultsÖ
8) Lotion in the Basket: Ranking dead last coming into the season this should be no surprise for these infamous shoulda, coulda, wouldaís. It takes more than some shoddy barbed wire to muscle opponents off the boards, but Iíll give it to OD for gathering what will likely be the most entertaining team in this league. Iím curious to know how much you had to smoke BFrat up to get him to agree to play on a team with TCloth again?– Kudos of course for referencing your scorekeeperís favorite movie.
7) Polish Hammers: Another teamski of mostly familiar faces. Faces attached to swanky left-handers, whom Iím now willing to bet are disgruntled upon reading this (cough) KOZ (cough). Sorry, swine flu is back on the rise I think I could be coming down with something. Polansky will no doubt be a dominating household name in this league as Iíve witnessed him dismember, disfigure and disótroy? players in the A. Not that I keep tabs or anything, but I donít remember reading ìPolishî and ìChampionshipî in the same headline last season. Good Luckski!
6) Bulging Conj: Names like Ambra, Canova and Chaturvedi all sound vaguely recognizable. So, unless facebook suggested to me that I might want to be friends with them based on our mutual fondness for the show ìToddlers in Tiaras,î itís probably because Iíve seen them play before and they were impressionable enough to commit to memory. If youíre in charge of pre-game scouting reports for your team I suggest you follow leads on these 3 dooods. I do have 1 question thatís been plaguing me for seasons now, WTF is a ìbulging conjî? Iíve seen multiple teams spanning a majority of the leagues named after this mysterious reference and I want answers!!
5) Players With Talent: A talent for what is the question? Intrigue and suspense suffice to make this team a perfect 5 hole, nestled right in between the top 3 teams and the bottom 3 teams. All I can say is show me what you workin with.
4) The Posse: Fresh meat. Using my behavioral analysis skills that I acquired this weekend after watching the Criminal Minds marathon, Iíd offer that this teamís name says a lot about them. Either A) theyíre a bunch of Wangstahs with brass knuckles, shanks in their high-tops and thick Chucktown, Southie, or Saugus accents orrrrrr B)They donít waste their time on wit and frills and they just show up to ball. Whatever the case may be, theyíve got something I like to call competitive edge.
3) The Big Tickets: The Big Tickets have are currently back to back reigning Champs of the West. I remember seeing them play in the spring and they were no match for the weaaaaaaaaak ass teams of the East (thatís right, JBerr has no loyalty) although they did drop the ball this summer, tossing the game away to Prestonís team in the unification game. Bigger and better than their opponents, there is no false advertisement going on with their team name. Arcoma returns again in hunt for the title with what looks to be a mix of players old and new, expect to be challenged by these Biggies.
2) Millenium: Terrorists? Bio-Tech Geeks? Or perhaps Sasha Vujacic ës former European League teammates? Who knows? But Iím not willing to piss these guys off before they succumb to my charming looks and social graces, or before I learn how to pronounce any of their names, thank god I donít have to do any announcing for this gig.
1) Ballin By Nature: ManeikisÖMiskinis? Typo-kinis? This sounds like a very incestuous team with represented strongly by the OíBrien and the Man/Mis-something families. This suggests unity, chemistry and dontfuckwithmety. Truthfully, none of these names are familiar but OíBrien is the perfect example of a traditional burly, muscular Irish name and evokes Boondock Saint sentimentality. Historically, Brotherly tandems have experienced much success in the CAC leagues so why not now?
Speaking of Irish, go to Tommy Doyle’s in Kendall Square after your games to celebrate your wins and drown the sorrows of your losses. Mention that you play basketball @ CAC and receive exclusive discounts on drinks and food. Did Jack and Paul ever offer you such luxurious service? I donít think so
I look forward to seeing you all on Thursdays @t the Charlestown B&G Club! Except for you, BFrat, Iím not looking forward to enduring your presence, for the love of Allah I hope you got new sneakers.