So, here are the opposite-of-coveted A1 awards from this past season. Overall, this past season was like the NBA season where Dallas got hosed out of the title by Bennett Salvatore’s awful phantom call to bail out Dwyane Wade and give Miami the title because David Stern hates Mark Cuban.
For the record, I’m picking Oklahoma City vs. Boston in the NBA Finals. With the Celtics winning in 5 games…if Boston can get through Miami, it’s game, set, championship, y’all. (Spurs are done. Lakers will get a ride from Dallas…Atlanta will soften up the Bulls, who are still young. If Boston’s lack of a bench gets by the center-less Miami Heat, parade y’all.)
Alas, we’re closing the A1 season with fervor to end this campaign as my little friend, Kap The Gnome, is helping to make me look really good by just being Kap. C’mon man, while you were busy posting for the 2,000th time on the message boards, I put together an absolute juggernaut in this draft league (for the 3rd time in 4 seasons).
(Kaplan bailed for Foxwoods this weekend…I had to do these myself while watching Archer and poorly officiated basketball. Thanks for nothing, you little assclown. Hope you didn’t steal all the Cadburys from the Easter bunny.)
Here’s who I have for awards:
Rookie of The Year Contenders: Jacob Poling, ABUSE. James Bartelle, My Legend Killers. Nolan Ostrander, My Legend Killers.
Bartelle’s the slam dunk pick here if he’s not the #1 overall pick here (due to expectations). And it’s not his fault that his GM blew outta town to be one of Vince McMahon’s roadies. But, the two rookies for MLK were both good picks and they’ll do well if they come back in the league. Bartelle is an unbelievable scorer as his 31.5 PPG says enough. Still, Poling impressed on a team that made the playoffs as he put up an average of 18 ppg and 7 rpg. Ostrander gets a nod here too because he and Bartelle were the only bright spots on his team, with apologies to K-Lid and Raj here. Poling by a hair due to the winning team/contributor theory. Poling’s big 36-point effort helps puts him over the top.
Winner: Jacob Poling, ABUSE.
Top Offensive Player Contenders: Chris Maciejczak a.k.a. Majic., The White Sheet. James Bartelle, My Legend Killers. Dan Watson, ABUSE. Jonah Mytro, Sexy Feet.
I’m going with Majic here based on his head-to-head performance against Bartelle back in Week 7. Bartelle hit for 41 off seven made threes, but Majic made ten triples as he grabbed 44 points and the win. Dude averaged almost 35 ppg as he showed to all nine games, while Bartelle’s injury hurts him here in spite of the amazing 31.5 PPG as a rookie in the league. Watson led a multi-faceted attack in ABUSE as the top shooter. Also, this is his last run at CAC as he’s heading back to Buffalo in June. No pity awards, man…Majic wins it on merit here.
Winner: Chris ‘Majic’ Maciejczak.
Top Defensive Player Contenders: Scott Mulholland, Slaughterhouse-Six. Jonah Mytro, Sexy Feet.Brad Mulholland, Citizen Clown. Pete Wilson, Wicked Automatic. John Mulholland, ABUSE,
This wasn’t hard. SMul led the league in rebounding while finishing 2nd in blocks to his little brother, John. Scott may have held a little back offensively, but he focused most of his energies to the defensive end. You grab 16 boards a game in this league and you’re a certified rebounding machine.
Winner: Scott Mulholland, Slaughterhouse-Six.
MVP Contenders: Brett Armstrong, Slaughterhouse-Six. Dan Ollquest, Slaughterhouse-Six. Jonah Mytro, Sexy Feet. Brad Mulholland, Citizen Clown. Dan Watson, ABUSE.
This was without question the toughest award to give out. I really struggled here. Brad played out of his mind, but his team didn’t make the playoffs. Watson was fantastic as he averaged 27 PPG, but 43 of those total points came in a forfeit and he really struggled head-to-head against Sexy Feet in the second half. So that brings us to the final three: Mytro was quite the beast for his team and they did finish 8-2, having a very STRONG campaign. Still, in the head-to-head matchup against the Slaughterhouse, the effort was led by the co-MVPs. Ollquest and BArms. Amazingly, both guys averaged 21 and a half points per game and eight rebounds per game. In terms of output, it was hard to measure who produced “more valuably” but no one can question this tandem did more for their team winning games. Also, Brett covers the best player on each team, while Dan has the knack for hitting the shots that ice the game. When it comes to the regular season, there has to be co-MVPs and it’s these two guys. The winning record for S-S speaks for itself.
Winner: Dan Ollquest and Brett Armstrong, Slaughterhouse-Six.
GM Contenders: Tom Covert, Sexy Feet. Chanel Wright, ABUSE. Mike Gerrity, Slaughterhouse-Six.
Well, this is simple. Here are the GMs for the top 3 playoff teams (sorry, Macho…your team went 3-6 and slinked into the playoffs through the backdoor!). Pretty easy logic here to get your winner. Pick the guy who put together a 9-0 regular season squad, even if it is yourself. In reality, this award is for my teammates, who carry my ass to glory every week. They do all the hard work and they put up with my egomaniacal ways so really this is for the S-S gang. Thank you for making my awful basketball skills look somewhat decent, fellas.
Winner: Mike Gerrity, Slaughterhouse-Six.
Also here’s an award that is dedicated to the best hatchet job of the season. In spite of Frank Mals’ questionable choices (drafting Kerr, going to Austin during the season, drafting Kerr), this was an easy choice, Brian. B-Fab wins this award hands down for drafting a spaz like Tomas, for bagging on the team and completely giving it up, and for losing to S-S with A5v5 great KO as a fill in. Way to waste two rookies’ phenomenal production, B-Fab. Hope Stamford’s giving you plenty of work fetching coffee for the Brooklyn Brawler.
(Aside: who the hell names their team “My x” or “My anything”…outside of My Little Ponies, possibly the worst team name ever. And I do mean ever. Maybe Fabry’s working in Bristol now, talk about awful.)
Anti-GM: Brian Fabry, My Legend Killers.
Here’s a cool team that you actually want to be picked for. I wanted to commemorate guys that slide under the radar and that deserve to get some love. Just because they don’t put up the big stats, these are the guys that can make winning plays and help by being glue guys, hitting big shots when people panic, make great passes, rebound, or just play ball that makes everyone around them better, this is the Sneaky Good Team.
Sneaky Good Team:
Dan MacGregor, Slaughterhouse-Six
Chanel Wright, ABUSE
Jacob Poling, ABUSE
Mike Kusdeva, The White Sheet
And yes, we’re going to have an All-Star game, hopefully on Monday May 2nd right after the championship game. With the four guys above and the perennially terrible Chris Kerr, here are the All-Star teams based on this past season’s performance. ASG will be on Monday May 2nd after the title game…check for an e-mail from me on Tuesday!
Brett Armstrong, Slaughterhouse-Six
Jonah Mytro, Sexy Feet
Brad Mulholland, Citizen Clown
Dan Ollquest, Slaughterhouse-Six
Chris Maciejczak, The White Sheet
James Bartelle, My Legend Killers
Dan Watson, ABUSE
Scott Mulholland, Slaughterhouse-Six
Pete Wilson, Wicked Automatic
Kurt Knepsheild, The White Sheet
Brandon Dorey, Sexy Feet
Matt Kaplan, Citizen Clown
So, this really was a sweep by the Slaughterhouse-Six and I did the awards because, by god, I need you to sign up for next season’s A1 so Josh won’t hate me. Well, that and I wanted to make myself the bad guy by giving my team all the awards. Sure, these are biased, but you can’t argue too much with these awards because I’m a believer in winning as a team above all else. And verbally berating those while they’re down because: why the hell not?
Also, if you want to sign up for next season’s A1: email me at firstname.lastname@example.org or Tibbs atCACBasketball@gmail.com. Your shot at the best basketball on Monday nights this summer is here at CAC.