The past 2 weeks, CAC has had a serious case of championship fever and I couldnít be happier to work the leagues, seeing all the joy that usually is reserved for Christmas and love explosions. However, the joy of winning a CAC championship has grown to be short lived once I whip out the CAC Championship T-Shirts. Over the past 3 seasons, people have said, ìWith all the money we pay for these leagues all we get is a T-Shirt for winning the championship?î Some people have suggested they should get jackets, hats, free entry into the next league or a cash prize. Good luck finding employees to work those games if there is money on the line because dueshabggery is already at an all time high on the court without the incentive of cash.
Luckily, I understand why people are so upset: When you wear the CAC T-Shirts out on Friday nights, your friends and women are not impressed. I am in the same boat as all you CAC Champs out there who thought winning a CAC Champ shirt would cure all the flaws that keep me from getting laid. Therefore, instead of being a part of the problem, I have been nice enough to devise some solutions to help you on your own rather than expect CAC to break the bank when you win a MENíS BASKETBALL RECREATION LEAGUE
1. If you are using fashion as a crutch to get laid or feel better about yourself, donít expect a CAC designer championship body suit. Instead go to Spencers and start filling your wardrobe with shirts like these:
2. Get some additional ìgirth.î Maybe what you are lacking isnít fashion at all. Maybe your problem lies in a more anatomically important area.
3. Finally, if you feel your problem lies in the every day monotony of your life, I suggest you hire me to ìwrite upî your days. I can make your every day activities seem superhuman and interesting. For example
ìJimmie Doe took a dump today and absolutely punished the bowl for a season high 4 logs. How does he do it without the use of Fiber pills? The man is an absolute dynamo and any woman would be lucky to kiss his flesh stick.î