Greetings loyal readers, but I must interrupt your regularly scheduled week as something important has come up that needs your immediate attention. So this morning, after I read my usual Wall Street Journal, Boston Herald, (did 2 Mad Libs), I took a gander at my fellow CAC blogs as I usually thoroughly enjoy all their writings. I stumbled upon Tibbs’ great interview with Rob Eckstut. http://cacbasketball.com/tibbsblog.php?newsid=515
However, my attention was drawn to the question about scorekeepers as Rob is a B2 South resident and I expected him to shower me with nothing but praise, but I think I was called out. Earlier in the interview, Rob states that he only plays in 3 leagues. He mentions Kap and BFab as they are his other 2 scorekeepers, but then drops this little nugget in there AND I QUOTE:
“I’ve noticed 1 scorekeeper, who will remain anonymous, likes to make up boxscore lines. I like to look at the boxscore and do a possession count – it’s a pretty easy way to basically balance the two sides. Most of the time the possession count should fall within 1-3 or so on both sides. (FTs, especially when they’re and1s or 1and1s, as well as deadball turnovers, mess up the count slightly, but it should still be close) There have been ~2-3 games where the possession count is pretty out of whack, which generally means the scorekeeper was just making stuff up. (Which I got a kick out of, for the record)”
As I have told you all before, I am no matheologist, but if Rob only plays in 3 leagues and Kap and BFab are his scorers in the other leagues, by the process of elimination, wouldnt that make me the “anonymous” scorekeeper? What the Fcuk is a possession count, Rob? If I had known Good Will Hunting was in this league I would have asked Tibbs to have me cover one of the sped leagues with the rest of the usual “window-lickers” that grace the CAC confines.
Am I being paranoid? Mama done raised me better Rob! I aint no fool. Oh, wait, for the record you got a kick out of me making stuff up. Well, thank you and your possession count Rain Main. Glad that this resident clown could amuse you.
A lesser man would hold a grudge. A tougher man would want to fight you. A smarter man would have paid attention during your games, BUT the better man would just show you how to take the negative and spin it. So without further adieu, this blog and lines are dedicated to Rob who has “complimented” me on my ability to make stuff up. With that, I give you…”The Retard and the Possession Count”…
It was a cold damp Tuesday night in the land known as West Somerville. There, stood 8 men playing some silly little game with a ball, trying to throw it through a net. On the sidelines sat a boy, watching the men play and carefully taking down stats. All on the floor knew he was retarded, but most thought there was something special about that boy. Some might even say the boy was the most enchanted retard they have ever met.
So the horn of endgame sounded throughout the land and the men returned to their tribes. The boy retard slowly stood and approached one of the men, seemingly begging for approval. “[in a brittish voice, similar how they talk in Oliver Twist] allo govna, do these stats tickle ya fancy?” said the retard.
With an abrupt swipe, the man took the stat sheet and bellowed “[making evil grunts] mehhhhhhhhhhhh…Riddle me with this’es, ridlle me with thats, my fancy isnt tickled until I check the stats.” Carefully, the man looked the piece of paper over then declared, “If these arent right I will do shout, something is telling me to check the possession count.” With precise reverence, the man reached into his bag, placed a donut shaped cloth around his head and chattered “My naked eye doth can sometimes lie, but my Sacred Headband shall be my spy.”
With eyes closed, the man channelled the Sacred Headband’s sorcerer like power for finding out the possession count. After several seconds, the man’s eyes almost popped out of his head and he began to berate the retard. “You have screwed me for the last time retard, the possession count is wrong, my night is ruined, [to everyone] where did CAC find this Ding Dong?”
Hodling back tears, the retard slowly turned away from the man as the man and his fellow knights laughed at the retard’s inability to get the possession count right. Just as the retard reached his stat cage on the sidelines, he felt a hand on his shoulder.
Turning, the retard faced the man, barely able to lift his head due to the shame of the flawed possession count and the 5 pound eyebrow that rested upon his forehead, slumbering like a fuzzy snake digesting a rat.
The man calmly informed the retard, “Fret not there young child of Corky, I think I know how to resolve this malarky [pointing to the stat sheet with the OBVIOUS possession count blunder].”
With an outstretched hand, the man handed the retard the Sacred Headband. Confused, of course, the retard asked the man, “[in his awful english accent remember] But Sir, only the chosen one may wear the Sacred Hedband? Isnt it so written.”
The man, unyielding in his demeanor said, “Its only a possession count, it shouldnt really ruin my fun, you should know by now, you are the Chosen One.”
But the retard stopped listening to the man and continued to smear his own feces on the wall behind him.
Retards, right? Got to love them? So love me you ungrateful B2ers!?!?! Rob, get on the message boards and defend your interview!!! I am calling out my B2 Subjects, Bob the Ref, fellow staffers like L Weezey and DMac, my Big Nice teammates, A1 players and anyone else who frequents CAC, was Rob calling me out for being a Mother Goose with the Stat Sheets? Rock the vote and Rock the boards. What do you think?
B2 South Weekly Lines
Bobbohead Ballers v. I’m Nasty (-9) Now that I know Good Will Hunting plays in this league I am definately going to be on point with the stat sheet tonight, ok Rob? As far as this game goes, Nasty will roll, but not without a fight from the Ballers. Dana “I make em” Monier will hopefully get there on time and he and Alex W will be able to provide some offensive fire power to match Nasty as they are the deepest team in the league. Love me some Agent Triple Zero and Show Me Glenn.
Denzel Washington v. I Hate My Life (-5) Now paging Counselor Ruggerio. Yes, my man Rugga is officially (almost) a Barrister. Massachusetts was dangerously low on lawyers so it gives me great pleasure to see Rugga join the elite ranks. Now, when he and Bob the Ref get into it, Rugga can drop some, “No, I strenously Object” ish a la Few Good Men. Denzel needs to get ToMas and Geoff in a groove for this to be a game.
Sixth Sense v. Killer Tofu (-3) Game of the week This is the best match up all week. Size vs. youth and the 3 ball. I always place my money on youth and the 3 ball. The Sense’s only shot is slow the game down and pound the wee boys in the paint with Lane, McManus and the Butcher. On the defensive end, the Sense needs to keep JFred on lock-diggity.
C4NT v. Celtic Cross (-2) This will be another close game if C4NT gets their full roster there. Both teams are evenly matched, but will the Cross get a composed game from Prater Hater? If he is on, C4NT will have to come out of their zone. If not, Ross and Hammer will own the glass and be able to control the game tempo. I expect the difference makers in this game to be Qym/Joe Hernandez and Ross/Mag Pipes. I base those predictions on nothing.