*Amended* The BS Report

The BS Report ñ Is it me or can you not believe anyone anymore?  Athletes, politicians, co-workers, (cough myself cough)…Sure, I could go off on a tangent about how awful it is to lie, but the more I thought about it, lying is just like making passes at your attractive cousin:  we all do it….Well, you know what I mean…  Here are just some of the favorite lies Iíve heard (or been apart to).  Iím sure we all have our favorites, but here are mine:

 

ì(with tears in his eyes) Thatís my teammate!!!î ñ Terrell Owens in response to the media criticizing Tony Romo 2 seasons ago. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PNO6On7cK1M

 

This coming from the same TO who outed his QB (Jeff Garcia) as gay ìif it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck…î and exclaimed Donovan McNabb had no balls in the 4th quarter against the Pats in the Super Bowl, dry heaving in the huddle.  So when he started crying when people criticized Tony Romo, I wasnít too sure if he knew the reporter heard him talking about Tony Romo.  Low and behold, this season TO will be freezing his nuts off in the place where 2nd place and husky women roam for criticizing his (whimpering) teammate.

 

ìI DID NOT TAKE STEROIDS ROAAAAAAAAAAR!!!!î ñ Rafeal Palmerio in response to allegations about taking steroids before Congress.  Wow, didnít he seem like he was going to crazily jam his finger in some poor senatorís eye?  Okay, why donít we let Rafeal rage on and move onto Sammy Sosaís interpreter.

 

ìThis is for my teammates, my brothersî ñKobe Bryant after winning the 2008 MVP http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VbFVnjjVcuY

 

This is the same guy who rapes women and gives his teammates ìLance Glanceî when they shoot the ball.  The same guy who ran Shaq out of town because he was stealing his thunder.  The same guy who makes Sasha Vujacic trim his ball hair with his teeth just for the pleasure of being on the same floor as him.

 

ìPizza will be providedî ñ The Commish, in trying to get all CAC employees to attend the infamous Fall 2008 Staff meeting.  Still waiting…

 

ìThe scoreboard will be fixed next weekî ñ Every CAC staffer to players.  But seriously guys and the 2 gals who read this, it will be fixed next week.  Walmartís warranty is good for 4 years trust us.

 

ìIím 29î ñ Sure you are Wolverine.

 

ìIím a virginî ñ Some female, rockiní a cross down at Fanuel Hall two weeks ago, to me.

 

(In response to ìIím a virginî)  ìHaha sure you are, honey.  Hi ìVirgin,î Iím Ron Jeremy, nice to meet you.  Apparently my comment didnít go over too well as Sister Mary Margaret ended her fundraiser for the nuns who will be going overseas to the Third World.  They didnít even want to stick around long enough to get my donation.  What?  If they put it in Styrofoam cup and placed it in a cooler, they could have taken it to the Sperm Bank and cashed in.  Barter System people, we in a recession, it will be making a comeback.

 

ìThere are Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraqî ñ W.  Thanks for the recession duesh.

 

ìItís not a perm, guy.î Sure it isnít BRip.

 

ìI did not spiderman my jizz onto that girlís dress.î ñ William Jefferson Clinton.  I believed him.  It was probably an errant gorilla mask attempt. (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=the%20gorilla%20mask)

 

ìYeah, Iíll Twitter you next week.î ñ She never Twittered me!  Her loss.

 

ìIt wonít grow if you stare at it!î  Me to my ex girlfriend.  We were watching her new Goldfish you ignant fools.  Get your mind out of the gutters.

 

* How could I forget this gem from the 3 on 3 tourney – “Even I’m tired of shooting.” – RoY, during a timeout.  Literally, after the timeout he fired up a trey that hit nothing but net.  He would then proceeded to drain another couple treys.  Cmon now, RoY is like the Daisuke Matsusaka of CAC:  No one got a higher pitch cout than him in a game.  Liar!

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