B1 5v5 West Fake Preview

In special commemoration of the DH being used in every All-Star game in MLB and the flank steak that I took down at my favorite Kendall Square lunch hang-out place, 2nd Street Cafe, home of the best mothereffing Cubano you can eat in The Bridge, here’s the fake preview. (I’m timing myself for how fast I can write this. Should be fun. Hey Fratelli, you suck!)

Quickly, we had eight teams originally. One of them dropped out in the last 24 hours. (Thanks for nothing, assbags!)

So if you want to put a team in the B1 5v5 West last minute…e-mail Tibbs at CACBasketball@gmail.com ASAP. We want that 8th team in here if we can get it.

Before I forget, $10 pitchers at both Tommy Doyle’s locations for basketball players, Mon-Thurs. Right and tight!!!

The Unofficial Preseason Ranking:
7. John Bagley’s Body Dead last. Mainly for fun. I should be getting paid double and with Jack Daniels for this team alone being in the league with their antics last session on the boards and on the court (news travels fast when you’re connected). However, I’ve heard that most of the team is a good group, so hopefully we won’t have any dickery. They are the B25v5 champs, but this is a big jump in play. I predict they won’t go winless. We have our official villain team for the session. YES!

6. Quick Release. Newbies. Not much 411 here. Still over JBB and that’s all that matters.

5. Rah and The Heartbreakers. The Canova-Ambra-Rajul combo lives on! Should be a good squad here as they’re laden with CAC veterans. Mike & Mike can score like no other. Probably better than 5th, but the season off slots ’em here for now.

4. Magnum Last season’s rookie team is back. And back with a venegance adding two key guys in Anthony Smith (FSC) and Scott Brunner. Scarpato (last season’s ROY) and Smith were teammates at FSC so there’s a little chemistry to build on. This team was scrappy last session as they were in every game and were one win away from sneaking into where Genzyme ended up winning the B1 5v5 (out of the #4 seed).

3. Lotion In the Basket Last season’s resident choke artists are back for more! The #1 seed of the regular season gets bounced by a Todd Billet-less Genzyme squad in the first round. Plus, a D-Lo Brown sky high Fratelli’s at point guard? Lucky for them, they have the reigning MVP in Spidle and vets like OD and Cheese to keep everyone on track. The big question is: how dominant will Chris Kerr be every week? He’s too good not to be in the All-Star convo. Also, can Terry ‘Jumpman’ Henderson elevate his game to be a legit double-double machine? And will Dan O’Connell block a shot with those Rasta curls? And will the summertime blues bring out the bongs and the playoff chokes in July? My favorite team, undoubtedly, from a train-wreck perspective. (they’ll still be good!)

2. Big Tickets Guess who’s back with the brand new track? It’s the Tickets, with Mad Max leading the way. Old vets Steineman and Todd Falcone to the mix along with Arcoma, Cline, Margaitas, Donovan, etc. The most solid team you can play every week with a good mastery of fundamental basketball and team chemistry to boot. A pleasure to watch.

1. The Polish Hammers They’re back. And they’ve added Royce Henry after adding Billy Durbrow last season. They are the hands-down favorite. If Royce doesn’t act like the foul-machine we saw on Tuesday night and can plant his feet near the basket to be the legit post-threat to complement The Big Four of Koziol, BDubs, Phil Henry, and Polansky…teams are in for a long season. No pressure, guys!

This will be an awesome B1 5v5 West session. I’m fairly confident in this. In a rare moment of seriousness, I wish all of you luck this season and may the best team win. Like every summer, it’s the summer of hoops.
(A: 31 mins. I’m long-winded and I’ll write a 700-page-plus book one day. End scene.)

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