B2 5v5 Combined Rankings – Week 3 Fall 13

All right people, week 3 is in the books across all leagues, so it’s time for an updated Combined Rankings of hte B2 5v5! To check out the original rankings, head here They were pretty bad, as I was uninformed about a number of new teams/players/rosters. As usual, if you’re gambling on my preseason prognostications before seeing teams in person, well, you’re an idiot.
I have taken absolutely NO input from any other scorekeepers for this endevor. I’ve read the write-ups that have submitted and I keep up with the awesome job Mazzeo is doing on the message boards but that’s it. Therefore, you may think your team got jobbed in these rankings, don’t blame me, blame my willful ignorance!

40 – Ragin Rondos (0-3 C – Prev: 40) – This is probably unfair, but I wanted to be accurate with at least ONE of my previous rankings. They are going to need to find a second guy to step up and score in double digits to take some pressure off Bobby Clackner. He’s got one of my favorite CAC rookie names, get him some help Gregory!

39 – Boom Goes the Dynamite (0-3 S – Prev: 37) – Losses by 21 and 14 points your first 2 weeks into your CAC career is nothing to hang your head about. Then they went out and got wholloped by 50 against a pissed off Last of the Chieftains crew in week 3. Fein is legit but there are too many guys putting up 0.0 ppg on this crew!

38 – Spacely’s Sprockets (0-3 W – Prev: 25) – For a team that’s been blown out a few times to start the season, they’re not even giving up 60 points per game, which is a pretty impressive feat.

37 – Squatch Faced Killas (1-2 C – Prev: 38) – This team has a good nucleus with Wetherbee, Sovis and BJax, but even with Billy making all 3 games so far (while pulling double duty in the #FranchiseLeague) they’re just 1-2. Yea they haven’t been blown out, and yea they could benefit from some easy games coming up, but I am ranking them this low just to see if I can get a reaction out of Billy.

36 – Wyld Stallyns (0-3 E – Prev: 35) – See ‘Orangemen’ below.

35 – Orangemen (0-3 E – Prev: 34) – Orangemen are averaging a few more PPG than the Stallyns and played NUB ‘closer’, AND have a legit #1 scoring option (Kinnan) if they can get him to show up to more than 1 out of every 3 games. So they get the slight nod over them in these combined rankings. Of course, these two teams don’t face off until week 7 of the season when they will be playing to avoid NUB in round 1 of the playoffs.

34 – AShow (1-2 W – Prev: 36) – One of the few teams in the West I haven’t seen yet. Their lone win is against a team still searching for their first. Not sure if they’ll be favored again as the season moves on, but they’ve got that first one out of the way! The West is tough people.

33 – OBC (0-3 W – Prev: 29) – They might be 0-3 to start the season and the boxscores/stats might look like the same old OBC team, but with the addition of Sampson, this team will actually be FAVORED in a game this season. Not over the next 3 weeks of course, and it figures that in the mammoth 12 team West they won’t play AShow, but I’m going to assume they are better than them. This is the season #TheOBCStreak dies!!

32 – Vyin for Wiggins (0-3 N Prev: 39) – Of all the 0-3 teams, their point differential is good enough (-10/game) that I can see them stealing some late season victories and making things really dicey for the top seeds in the North come playoff time.

31 – Donkeys (2-1 E – Prev: 33) – We should all take the Donkeys 2-1 start with a grain of salt, as they got to beat up on the Orangemen and Stallyns for those 2 victories. The schedule is about to get a LOT tougher.

30 – Biohazzard (2-1 C – Prev: 31) I know they’re 2-1 but they beat the Rondos by just a point. Team captain Andres Berrio keeps insisting that the team is just ‘missing their best player or two’ but I’m pretty sure that’s a line he’s been using since his last championship team



29 – Manswers (1-2 S – Prev: 32) – New season same Manswers? Well no one has shot at their own hoop yet, so that’s a step in the right direction. I know Schwartz brought in some new talent this season, but if this team wants to win some games, Franz is going to need to be given the green light

He averaged nearly 11 3 point attempts per game for the Manswers last season but has only taken 8 total through 2 this season. That’s unacceptable!

28 – Deloitte (1-2 N – Prev: 24) – Deloitte’s next shot for a win comes on October 27th when they have the rematch against Wiggins. This ranking is due more to the quality at the top of the North than anything else.

27 – Rick Fox The Actor (1-2 W – Prev: 28) – Their individual pieces look like they should be enough for RFTA to contend, but attendance issues have really plagued the team so far. They’ve played 76 of their 136 minutes 4 versus 5 this season. That’s nearly 56% of the time they’ve been a man down!

26 – Orange is the New CAC (1-2 S – Prev: 16) – The CAC Draft League Legends (in their own minds) have some growing pains to go through. They are going to need to find a way to mesh their considerable individual offensive talents into more of a team game to survive the brutal B2 5v5 South gauntlet. It’s not too late to work out the kinks and make a run at that league title for this team!

25 – Bonesaw & The Boys (1-2 C – Prev: 18)- Nico’s crew is still trying to get their CAC legs underneath themselves. Is that even a sentence? I don’t know anymore. Let’s move on.

24 – Swamp Donkey (2-1 E – Prev: 27) – So let me get this straight, the Cubans beat SDL, SDL beat the Blazers, the Blazers beat Natural Poppin and Natural Poppin beat the Cubans?!?! How am I supposed to make sense of that for these rankings? Can I just lump all 4 of those teams into one category?! Oh Hey, I DID! Jesus the East is a giant circle jerk of inconsistency. I was going to say suck, but I know that’s not the case. I’m not THAT bitter about my team’s 1-2 start.

23 – Minus 1 Cuban (1-2 E – Prev: 9) – Why do the Cubans always do this to me?! I build them up and build them up, only to see them fall short of my expectations. COME ON GUYS!!

22 – Natural Poppin (2-1 E – Prev: 22) – Popko is going to need some offensive help if this team wants to stay about .500 and in the top half of the East.

21 – Court Blazers (2-1 E – Prev: 26) – Yea I got nothing here, sorry boys.

20 – Kung Fu Pandas (1-2 W – Prev: 10) – Rubin was SO SURE that the West was going to be a cake walk for his team. As usual, he was wrong, but reality hasn’t tempered his brashness or expectations for this team.

19 – Last of the Chieftans (1-2 S – Prev: 12) – Unlike Mazz I never gave up on the Chieftains! They were one of my preseason favorites to come out of the South but they’ve struggled a bit. Or as the old men would say, they’re “conserving their energy”. Getting that first win was nice, but let’s see if they can build on that.

18 – Atomic Colonics (2-1 C – Prev: 30) – Played a CAC instant classic vs Leo’s Legends before falling to them in double overtime by just 2 points. That’s as close as anyone has come to beating the Legends in the Central’s regular season play. They should rip through the rest of their schedule until they meet up with the Legends again.

17 – She Wants the D (2-1 S – Prev: 20) – Mazz was raving about this team after 2 weeks of play, but it seems like they just benefited from some soft early season scheduling.

16 – Hot Rim Action (1-2 W – Prev: 11) – Coombs makes this offense so lethal, but at times you can already see how much they miss Mazares after his breakout Spring 2013 season. Please come back from Detroit Greg, we know you don’t want to actually live there. No one does.

15 – Tickle Shits (1-2 W – Prev: 15) – In our last 5 games, the Shits have played HRA 3 times and The Shoes once. It’s safe to say we all know what to expect from each other. Until, that is, the Shoes added that new shooter this offseason. What was up with that, jerks?! Anyway, the Shits are giving up more points than OBC on the young season, which is NEVER a good sign. Time to dig in and play a little D boys!

14 – Is It the Shoes? (3-0 W – Prev: 19) – The Shoes record may be a little deceiving, as they’ve beat up on 3 teams with a combined 1-8 record so far. Still, like the Pats, you can only beat who you’re scheduled against, and every team in the league would kill for a 3-0 start to the regular season. Their playoff ticket has already been punched.

13 – Julius Swerving (2-1 S – Prev: 14) – Swerving has righted the ship after tough week 1 loss to Ditka, which is obviously nothing to hang your head about. I’m still not sure if this team has enough offense to hang with the big boys in the B2 5v5, and their next 3 opponents won’t really clear that picture up any either. In a close game, please make sure to hack Will Otto. He may just let you inbound the ball so he doesn’t have to embarrass himself from the line anymore.

12 – Just the Tip Offs (1-2 N – Prev: 4) – Just when I was ready to count the Tip-Offs OUT this season they shock Kevin Ali with a 1 point win in week 3. I’m not sure if it was CAC fatigue, football or pure laziness that has kept half the Tip-Offs roster home each week, but if Goldhaber has a renewed commitment from his team, watch out!

11 – 603 (3-0 W – Prev: 21) – One of the more unexpected starts to the season belongs to 603 in the West. They haven’t had their full team to a game yet, but when they do, they will be tough to beat. Great guard play, great rebounders and great defensive pressure will keep 603 in every game, no matter how ugly the shooting might be.

10 – Kevin Ali (1-2 N – Prev: 2) – Two losses by a combined 5 points is a tough way to start your season especially with expectations so high coming in. I’m sure the statkeeper (*cough*KEITH*cough*) cost them both games and they ‘should’ be 3-0 if you listen to Nate. But whatever you do, please don’t listen to Said. That kid is full of LIES and will break your heart.

9 – Leo’s Legends (3-0 C – Prev: 13) – As expected they’re looking like the table is set for them to run through the Central undefeated. They’re starting to develop a killer instinct too, which could be bad news for teams in the Unification Games. Until I see them beat someone of substance though, this is as high as I can rank them.

8 – Hurricane Ditka (2-1 S – Prev: 8) – Look the seasonal matchup between Ditka and BSH is becoming must-see CAC-TV. Sure the teams only combined for 69 points in a double OT thriller, but that was 2 heavy weights standing in the ring just throwing haymakers at one another til someone fell. I’m going to have to start live-streaming those games and actually create a CAC TV station. You won’t want to miss their inevitable playoff matchup!

7 – NUB (3-0 E – Prev: 7) – What a terribly easy schedule to start the season for NUB. I can’t move them up or down based off it. You’re the worst Mason.

6 – Mutiny! (3-0 N – Prev: 6) – Not the most impressive of victories over their North opponents, but they’ve beaten the schedule that’s before them. The next 2 weeks vs Hoopsters and Ali should give us a great idea if they actually belong in this grouping or if they belong in the next!

5 – Steamboats (2-1 W – Prev: 1) – Look, the loss of Zavakis might not really be felt in the regular season. The Boats may well finish the season 7-2 or 8-1, but they ARE going to miss him in the postseason. With him, this team would have been a lock to make their second straight Unification Finals appearance, but without him, the road is a lot tougher. Don’t get me wrong, the Pootie/MJD/Guess backcourt is hands down the best in the league, but their interior can definitely be exploited, like a soft underbelly…

4 – Harvard Hoopsters (3-0 N – Prev: 17) – I tried to warn the North that the Hoopsters would bring their brand of athletic, energetic basketball to the North and take it by storm. These kids are YOUNG and ready to run for the full 44, something most of us don’t want to contemplate doing, let allow try to execute.

3 – Patrick Chewing (3-0 W – Prev: 23) – One of the biggest surprises in the league was how drastically Chewing reloaded in the offseason. It’s almost a completely new roster, and let me tell you, these guys can BALL. They’re averaging nearly 77 points per game and don’t show signs of slowing down, no matter who they play against. They can bomb 3s, run the break and toss a few alley-oops. The next 2 weeks (Shoes/Goats) could propel them to the regular season title

2 – Ball So Hard (3-0 S – Prev: 5)- Once again that defense is SO stifling, holding opponents to just 35 points per game. The South has always been known for its brand of hardnosed, Bad Boys era defensive slugfests, but that’s just insane. Only NUB, with its ridiculously easy schedule to start the season, is giving up fewer ppg across the leagues.

1 – Old Goats (2-1 W – Prev: 3) – Look, I know they got dinged up last night but that was without their 3 all-stars. What other team in the league could possibly survive that and win a game, even if it was 4v5? I’m going to say none. The Goats, when fully loaded are the cream of the crop. They’ve already beat the Steamboats and HRA, two teams they lost to last season. This squad is on a mission.

One Comment

  • Now I can’t speak for any of the teams outside the South but I highly doubt there are 17 teams better than Last of the chieftains when they have their full roster. Best 1-2 team by far. Then again if you look at my rankings/ write ups I consistently overrate the team that plays Boom Goes the Dynamite…

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