Welcome back! I hope everyone enjoyed the holiday break, and is now ready to play their way back into shape (HA!). I am Capitol P, aka Reeves, aka the guy getting drunk and heckling you from the balcony..
Last season, ChaChing (aka Gronk Me Maybe) played themselves for the B2 title, winning both the south and the north divisions. Apparently they scared away the rest of the south division from playing this season, because there are only 2 returning teams from last season.
That’s going to make it tough to come up with legit pre-season power rankings. Luckily I have a system for that, based on team names, and the “basketball-ness” of the player names of new teams. I know, very scientific…
So, without any more fanfair, your W2013 B2S Pre-season Power Rankings:
10 – Mide Tech
I never expect much from the corporate teams with their companys name as their team name, and more than 7-8 guys on the roster. Good luck fellas, hopefully you do better than Akamai and RBM did.
9 – Mouthfeel
Not sure how I feel about this teams name yet, but I do know that I don’t know anyone on their roster, so this is where they go.
8 – Team Wildcat
I’m usually dead wrong about one team each season, and this might be this season’s winner. With only 5 guys on their roster, they could either be five ballers, or they could have attendance problems all season and get booted for their second consecutive forfeit by week 4.
It’s becoming a wall ball tradition for me to disrespect my boys from CTC in pre-season rankings. They have had the same roster for about 20 seasons now, and I’m tired of trying to predict if they will suck or sneak into the playoffs every season. I smell 4-5 all over this team every season.
6 – JBB Jr.
I don’t know who JBB is, and I don’t know who any of these guys are, but there’s 6 of them, which is the perfect number for wall ball.
5 – Ass Gas or Grass
My mantra since junior year of high school. Like Team Wildcat, they only have 5 guys, so what I said there still applies. But I love the team name, and any time there are siblings on a team, they usually don’t live at the bottom of a league (see: Barrett, Mulholland, Sweeney, etc).
4 – Game. Blouses
I will always love a good Chappelle Show joke
3 – 80s Babies
I’m an 80’s baby, and these young whippersnappers have been pissing me off, with their skinny jeans and YOLO’s (what is that?). These kids today suck so much they couldn’t even keep Twinkies alive (RIP Hostess).
2 – Slow Klap
We have gotten into the “Teams with players I know” portion of the program. All I can really say about this team is that if I know Kap (and I wish I didn’t), he doesn’t attach himself to shitty teams, so I expect this team to be in contention, as long as they limit the number of half-court 3’s he takes.
1 – Warrior Country
They were contenders last season, and with their only real competition gone from the league this season, I fully expect my S12 A Draft championship teammate JMul and his boys to dominate this season. That is, unless one of the newcomer teams turns out to be stacked.