Well, well, well, the kid steps away from the mic for a couple years to toot his whistle and now I am handed the keys to the BEST Run League at CAC, known as the B2 South. I am not down with ranking any teams in the preseason as we all know that pre-season rankings are about as useful as Lesbians or Virgins. Here are my pre-season thoughts heading into our opening week.
Looking over the schedule and rosters, I see that I know a little over half of you. I look forward to meeting the rest of you, but until then, lets break it down by the Teams I know and the Teams I don’t know…
The Teams I know –
*CN4T – Everyone knows Shea can score with the best of them, but what people do not know is the key to this team is…Ross’ Faux Hawk.
Im Nasty – The longest running show in the B2 South are one of my all time fave’s. I saw them tough talk 15 year olds last season, saw them promote Glenn’s free throw camp every time the other team steps to the charity stripe and have seen them NEVER win a championship. They are deserving. Each year, being behind the whistle, I have always cost them games. This season, they are my front runner to win the B2 South as I am behind the scoreboard and not behind the whistle. Plus, I cannot wait to see Dee face off against Goldberg in week 5 to see who has the best Faux Hawk in the league. Loser shaves it off?
I Hate My Life – No one is more excited than me that Rugga is taking his talents to the B2 South. We get a guy who can string a sentence together when he’s on the boards and he’s bringing a Sully with him. Every team needs a kid named Sully. Guarantee you Sully can F anyone up in quarters and plays hoops in a Scaly Cap.
Sixth Sense – These bunch of scrappers have been a long staple at CAC as well, bouncing around and I am glad to see they are spending some time in the B2 South. Reason 123,476,001 that I am happy to be scoring and not reffing, the B2 South is going to get a healthy douse of Sam the Butcher. My man is just as lovable as his Brady Bunch nickname off the court, but on the court, he is a ferocious competitor who will lead the league in rebounds and chipiness. Just remember all, leave it all on the floor.
Celtic Cross – My Bad News Bears from last season have returned for another season after some roster retooling. My only hope is that this team can hold it together mentally. This team needs to have each other’s back, rather than rake each other’s back. Watching this team brought me back to Frank and Estelle Costanza:
“FRANK:Why’d you put the bananas in there?!
ESTELLE:George likes the bananas!
FRANK:So let him have bananas on the side!”
“Estelle: (From other room) Get George to put those boxes in the
George: Dad, what’s all this?
Estelle: (From other room) It’s junk.
Frank: My computers. I’ve been selling them for two months now. Shut up!”
“ESTELLE: Georgie, can you zip me up?
GEORGE: Yeah. Yeah, one second.
ESTELLE: Well, come on!
GEORGE: All right. All right. Let’s not get into panic mode! Let’s not make a big deal outta this thing or we’re never gonna get through this night.
ESTELLE: Well, I’m meeting your in-laws, I think I should look nice.
GEORGE: My in-laws. Oh, my….
FRANK: So, what do you think? Your old man can look pretty good when he wants to, huh?
ESTELLE: I don’t like that tie.
FRANK: What’s the matter with this tie? I’ve hardly worn it.
ESTELLE: It’s too thin. They’re wearing wide now.
FRANK: How do you know what kind of ties they wear?
ESTELLE: Go to any office building on 7th Avenue and tell me if there’s anyone there wearing a thin tie like that. Go ahead!
FRANK: Oh, get the hell outta here. 7th Avenue.
ESTELLE: George, do you think he should wear a tie like that?
GEORGE: I think he should wear whatever tie he wants.
FRANK: We gotta stop off and pick up a marble rye from Schnitzer’s.
ESTELLE: It’s out of our way. Why can’t we pick up something at Lord’s? It’s right over here.
FRANK: No! We have to go to Schnitzer’s! I’ll show these people something about taste!
GEORGE: This is gonna be fun.”
The Teams I Don’t Really Know:
Denzel Washington – Denzel Washington is like the San Antonio Spurs. Very boring, but the man gets the job done. He’s not insane like my man Mel Gibson/LiLo and Denzel is still relevant enough that he does not have to do recycled kids movies (see Hulk Hogan in “The Nanny”, Vin Diesel in “The Pacifier”, The Rock in “the Program”, Eddie Murphy in ANY MOVIE now). I hope this team brings a lot more than just professionalism on the court. Give me some drama this season, please!
Bobbohead Ballers – Who are you and welcome to the CAC. Protect yo neck and make sure we can cash yo check.
Killer Tofu – Can 3 Fredricken’s really co-exist on the same team? I know if they get along in a competitive fashion as well as I do with my 2 older brothers this will provide endless entertainment. My two older brothers once locked me out for 2 hours in December because I beat them in a game of rummy. Ever since then, when someone asks if I want to have a snowball fight, I always make sure I am the LAST person out the door and not the first.
Week 1 Lines
Tuesday 9/21/2010 6:20 PM WSNS Celtic Cross vs. C4NT
Tuesday 9/21/2010 7:10 PM WSNS I’m Nasty vs. Bobbohead Ballers
Tuesday 9/21/2010 8:00 PM WSNS Denzel Washington vs. I Hate My Life
Tuesday 9/21/2010 8:50 PM WSNS Sixth Sense vs. Killer Tofu
Game 1 – Celtic Cross v. C4NT (-11) O/U 90 – C4NT is a coheasive group that will run and gun past the Cross as I imagine it will take them a few weeks to mesh, unless one of their new players is a game changer. Please get to the game 10 minutes early so we start on time.
Game 2 – Bobbohead Ballers v. I’m Nasty (-6) O/U 109- I’m Nasty has no excuse this season. I am not reffing. No need to be weighed down by all those kleenex you guys kept in your manzier’s. A newer, lighter I’m Nasty crew beats the new guys, unless the new guys outscore I’m Nasty. Very Scientific people
Game 3 – Denzel Washington v. I Hate My Life (-5) O/U 101- Haas drops 23, Rugga is out of breath by the 13 minute mark in the 1st half as he has been knee deep in Law Books for 3 straight years. Again, I Hate My Life rolls unless the new guys outscore them.
Game 4 – Killer Tofu v. Sixth Sense (-3) O/U 99- There is ALWAYS drama in the last game of the night. Sam the Butcher makes his first conquest of the season while Taha and Rakim w/o Eric B drop 15 a piece. Again, Sixth Sense narrowly wins unless the new guys outscore them