B2 South Week in Review – Brought to you by Stuart Scott’s Lazy Eye. Eye see you Stu, but you can’t see me.
That’s right…week 1 is in the books. Get your dam hands up and feel the vibe like a Miley Cyrus beat…Looking forward to all the match ups this week, but no one wants me to ramble on without dropping some names so let me tell you what I learned about you guys from week 1:
The Bobbohead Ballers – We have a very marketable team here just like the 2004 Red Sox that it all. They have talented players who are so trendy they wear their jerseys on backwards (Dana), they have players who will hit the floor even when there isn’t someone spinning on the ones and twos (Pete), and they have a Laimbeer like enforcer who will own the paint (Shane). Cant wait for the next episode of Dana being Dana.
I Hate My Life – This team has CAC written all over them. We already had Dobos rocking a bathing suit to a game and dropping a double double. We have to cash in on the gay vampire fad so we officially have to coin the nick name, “Tru Blood” for Tom Trupiano. Let me tell you this right now, Tru Blood is going to be the most entertaining person to watch besides the 6th Sense’s, Sam the Butcher. Tru will have the potential to do something that I haven’t seen in a basketball game each week. But Rugga told me the key to this team is Bobby…When “Haas Sauce” shows up, they win, when “Weak Sauce” shows up, they still win, but they don’t cover. Wow, way to put all the insurmountable men’s recreational basketball league pressure on one man’s shoulders.
I’m Nasty – Do you know what that 2:30 in the afternoon feeling is like during game time? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXHIeeLesKs This league looks way too deep for them to hit the snooze at times during the game. These guys have all the potential in the world to take down the B2 South, but if they throw themselves too many roofie parties on the floor, they are looking at another .500 season and 1-2nd round playoff exit. Not only that, it takes them over 2 weeks to finish a CAC interview. Seriously guys, put the beers and Marlboros down for an hour and string some words together. You see how many typo’s are in my writeups, we aren’t expecting the Magna Charta.
Channel 4 News Team – They lose every game they don’t show up for. Unfortunately, it looks like week 1 will be the only forfeit of the season. I’ve seen these guys ball before and hopefully they can avoid a Revis like start to the season after holding out for a better schedule.
Denzel Washington – Just keep showing up guys and ride Geoff like Seattle Slew. Sure every other team may be able to out score you, but no one can outclass you guys. Give me a season as your scribe and I will make you guys as popular as a Ron Burgandy Pants Party. Free agents will be lining up around the corner to run with you guys next season.
The Sixth Sense – Besides Tru Blood (see above), no one brings the LiveWire feeling to West Somerville like Sam the Butcher. Already, dude is leading the league in rebounds, just as predicted, and in Volume Blocks (he hit 8 megahertz last week), but last week his heat was only on simmer. Cant wait till the burner gets turned to high and we see some boiling. Plus, Spencer Fast Lane already looks like he will take down the Rookie of the Year award. He keeps it up the array of post moves and he may even earn the nickname “the Dream.” If you think the Dream is JJ Reddick, you may be playing for the other team (not that there’s anything wrong with that, I went to college) and need to get educated.
C(k)eltic Cross – Ranked dead last in my Preview and I only proved my point from the Preview…Previews mean nothing. Benny Dush absolutely retooled his team and looks like he brought some serious ballers this season. The B2 South is on notice. I got a sneak peak at these guys during a pick up game last season. Needless to say, bring your big boy voices and your fuzzy nuggets because if you don’t, this team is going to run you.
Killer Tofu – Sure, I am against every thing hippy, they are dirty, they would rather not wash their hair than get a job, but these guys are just too dam likable to hate on for picking a hippy team name. J FREDex is the best player at CAC you don’t know about. I see this team being that annoying fly in the faces of the bigger B2 South squads. Avoid the west nile.
Bob the Ref – complete upgrade from me in every way. Finally, the B2 South gets a ref that deserving of the best run league at CAC. You see how I snuck that in there Tommy?
The Week 2 Matchups (Are you ready for some CACTION! A Tuesday Night Party!!! We got Tical, Tony the Janitor, and Bob the Ref, we gonna get the party started!)
Bobbohead Ballers v. Celtic Cross (-7) –
The Cross may be the most talented team in the league, but can they mesh? The age old riddle of size vs not so much size. Do the Bobbohead Ballers bring their slingshot or does the Cross remind them about my boy Chuck Darwin’s only the strongest survive mantra. My bold prediction for this game…Dana wears his jersey the right way AND still drops at least 3 3’s. “The man makes the clothes, the clothes don’t make the man” – Jesus Christ circa 27AD, wearing his Versace Carpenter Robe.
Sixth Sense v. I Hate My Life (-6)
The key to this game is going to be who dominates the paint. Will it be Dobos and his netted trunks, or will it be Sam the Butcher and the Fast Lane who despise all beachwear to begin with. Can Rugga stick Taha or will the lethal lefty has his B2 South welcome party. My Bold Prediction, Tru Blood puts me in the Boston Crab at half time circa Rick the Model Martel.
I’m Nasty v. Killer Tofu (-2)
Can Nasty ground the Fredex family? Bob’s Home Furniture isn’t the only one that “doubt’s it” because there is no way Nasty shows up with their full squad on time again. I have a better chance of sniffing the crabs off Lindsay Lohan’s hoo-haa than seeing Nasty at full strength before the tip off. If the game is close, Nasty needs to get Glenn the rock in the post to save them for the 2nd straight week. My Bold Prediction, Lindsay Lohan gets bail, pulls me into the bathroom at half time and demands that I try to wrangle her “Deadliest Catch”.
Denzel Washington v. Channel 4 News Team (-8)
Despite the fact that C4NT is hurting and probably a little rusty, they will pull this one off. It will take Shea about 13 seconds to fire away his 1st 3 and when you shoot as well as he does, it may only take him about 13 second to hit his 1st 3 of the season. Can Denzel get a supporting cast? If they can, this one could be tighter than my pockets when the hooker tells me “its $15 for a half hour, but $20 if I spit in your face after and tell you I love you.” My Bold Prediction, Larry Bird walks through that door and Patino eats his words.