Breaking News – Tical Fined and Suspended for Homophobic Slur, Loses Baby-Gap Sponsorship

This just in but yours truly has been fined and suspended for the use of a homophobic slur that took place at CAC.

Just this past Monday, in the A(1) Draft League, I was called for, what most consider, a ticky-tack foul when I slammed an opposing player into the wall.  It was my 5th foul so call me old fashioned but I thought veterans like myself couldn’t foul out of games, but that is neither here nor there.

As I was leaving the court, I was caught, on camera, calling Tibbs and the official he hired for our game, “expletive-guzzling, Donut Punchers, who eat corn the long way and hope that a group of inner city gang bangers take turns pounding on their colons with their tummy sticks.”

I have been informed that some people have somehow misconstrued my statement into something that is derogatory towards the gay community.  Let me just say, for the record, that I have no animosity towards the gay community and am shocked to think that people could think I am a homophobe.

In fact, I am probably the most tolerant of the gay community that CAC has to offer.  In college, I once blew a guy for a ride home…OK, calm down, I am joking…I didn’t really need a ride home.

However, on a serious note, I believe that changes need to be made in our society and I will lead the way by turning this negative incident into a beacon of positiveness.  I am hereby declaring that homophobic slurs can only be used by the gay community (Case in point, Willem Dafoe in the Boondock Saints) and not by us good-looking, heterosexual basketball, dynamos.   Just like how only our black brethren can use the N-Word (not “Naggers” for all you South Park viewers), only gay people should be able to use homophobic slurs.  Therefore, the next time I hear anyone use a homophobic slur I will demand that said slurrer admit to me that they are gay because if they aren’t, they are VERY ignorant.  You are all on Notice.

Equality for all and making the wrongs in the world right…that’s just what the Corner is all about.