Or Else

Seriously people, we have a problem and I need you all to open your wallets and donate to a good cause. This isn’t the Colbert SuperPAC, oh no, this is something much more important than that.

If you glance at the following link, you will see that the property where Caitlin and I had our wedding reception is on the open market.

I’m assuming none of you reading this (is that you Terry?! I’ve missed you. Oh and HI MOM!) were at my wedding, but this sale is absolutely unacceptable. If some private investor buys the property, I will never be able to realize my grand plan of hosting a week-long party at the Heman-Smith Compound on every 5 year anniversary.  We’re just over 3 years away from the first one! Think of how much fun Gripp and I would have back at the Compound for a week celebrating our 5 year anniversary (then 10, 15, 20, you get the idea) while friends and family come and go as they please.  It would be a totally awesome party that I would tell you about when I go back.

Look at how much fun we had the first time we were there! You totally want to help me buy this place!

Oh should I have included a picture of Caitlin?! Fine fine

Man look how skinny I was back in May of 2010! You’ll all be sad to know that I no longer fit into those pants. The depression that just set in, due to the selling of the house obviously, caused me to instantaneously gain 25 pounds. Yea, that’s it, I just put the weight on and that’s why I don’t fit into those pants anymore.

Anyway, We (yes, the royal We) can buy the Captain Heman-Smith Compound for the measly pittance of $2,595,000! Cracking my M&M Man open (I’m not 12, I don’t have a piggy bank) we only need to raise another $2,593,965.87!! We can do this people!

We are only accepting donations in increments of ten thousand dollars, thank you in advance for your generosity and for making all our dreams come true.