C.A.C.’s Next Top Personality

Who Doesn’t want to be Famous?

With reality TV turning out not to be a fad, Iím shocked that C.A.C. hasnít tossed its hat into the fray with its own ìReal World C.A.C.î or Gauntlet. That is, until now. Youíve heard right, C.A.C. basketball is looking for their next statkeeper/write-up(er) to cover one of our leagues next season. So how are we going to do this? Anyone who wants to show the rest of the leagues their funny, and can keep stats for numerous consecutive games, is eligible. Youíll get minimal pay, but really, this job is all about the perks!


You get to Party like a Rockstar – itís no lie. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cj63G4MZpms
People want to buy you drinks when youíre out at LNO or just randomly bump into them. Ok, the only reason they want to is so that they get a little more pub, their stats get a bump if theyíre just short of that first career triple double, or if theyíre in foul trouble, you ëforgetí to mark one down. Not that Iíve ever partook in any of those actions or condone them. Iím just saying, these are some of the many trade offs youíll be offered in exchange for cheap draft beer.

Free Leagues – which is everyoneís main motivation for working here. I went from a run on Wednesday nights in the B1 East to three different leagues the first season I started working here. With the recent price hike for non-members, itís definitely worth it if you want to expand beyond one league. I guess a free gym membership is tossed in there as well, but honestly, who works out when they go to the gym??

Instant Cred – it only takes a season. Before you know it, youíll be posting lines and thinking youíre an expert on each team just because you see them play once a week. The best part is, people believe you!! When theyíre not mocking you that is.

Joining an Elite Staff – ok so I donít count. But you get to join the ranks of the Wolverine, Ticallion Stallion, Gripp, JBerr, and BWad (whoís doing a hell of job in his inaugural season with the Womenís league) as the current Commentators. Youíll have the expectations and pressures of past commentators, the Good King, Sergeon General, DMac, and Commish himself thrust upon you to bring your own unique edge. I believe Iím contractually obligated to throw out Joey Dieselís name into every blog I write, (or else face the wrath of the ëold-timersí who donít bother to show face) so hereís my homage to him as one of the men that kicked this all off. That was an entire sentence, so that counts, right?

Did I mention the free drinks yet??

All youíve got to do is submit a mock write-up for any game you choose. Make sure to throw your style in there (nicknames, jokes, general mocking of the ëballersí is all acceptable) and be original! My email ( tibbs@cacbasketball.com ) is taking submissions for a few weeks, and Iíll post the best on the boards for everyone to vote on. Thereíll be a nice surprise for the lucky few that garner the most support. Theyíll get thrown in to the fire of a game for statkeeper competency testing, drilled by DMac about jumpball and timeout rules, and then the grand finale, an email exchange with the Commish to make sure they can keep up! Just like American Idol Iíll probably change the rules and none of that will happen, but Iíll make something up as I go, but thatís part of the fun.

Show me what you got!