CACloids Vol. 1 Issue 1
A weekly edition for on and off the court coverage of your favorite CAC celebs & rising stars
On the Court
° OCal, Tosti & Co. defeat Tibbs in an absolute massacre for the A1 Brick. Oh wait, that was 2 weeks ago, itís just that Tibbís couldnít handle doing the write-up (shocker) and didnít bribe AK into writing it til this week.
° The Big Nice loses its first ever A2 Championship. OCal turned the ball over at a quicker rate than he turns over girls in his life Wait, waitÖthat was last week too, but it was so monumental that everyoneís still talking about it.
° Genzyme is finally knocked off their high horse in the B1 West, as Ken Cleary and his boys leave Bfab flopping around on the floor, whining that his knee hurts. Could someone get him a bandaid?
° Feeling so bad that Grippís Icebox team hadnít won a chip in the 3 seasons theyíd been together, I felt obligated to LET them win Sunday night, giving her the Womenís 4v4 Golden Pump and her first title. If I paid a league fee Iíd write it off my taxes as a charitable deduction.
° Last night, in the Womenís 5v5 Championship Game Gripp CAC Blocked my Pink Ninjaís allowing us only 7 first half points. OUCH. Iím pretty sure for every 2 we scored Tibbs took one offóthat had to be it! Losing had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I tallied 5 assistsÖ for the other team.
Off the Court
° GMís are amping up their recruiting efforts with the fall season swiftly approaching which meansÖ
– the 5v5 B leaguers are trying to convince the A leaguers that they could ìbe the starî in the B league,
– OCal has volunteered to scout out the local high school talent for the A league hoping to find love while heís at it,
– all the A1 players are Goolgling the shit out of every new name on the draft list, sulking that Wolverine has still resigned himself to small ball sports, and devising ridiculous and ever-so-witty team names
– Fabry is tampering with Genzymeís hiring standards requiring that employees have talents in the areas of dribbling, shooting and sandbaggin
– The Ladies are blowing up their college teammateís cells insisting that there IS a place where their talents can still be appreciated, simultaneously letting them down with the fact that eligible bachelors are few and far between.
° The LNO MWA poll has been released and Terrycloth (birthday boy) and myself are the front runners. But I pose this question to you: Would you rather buy a self-centered guy with a girlfriend in attendance a shot OR splurge on one for the girl who will likely ìreturnî the favor and puke it back up?? Thatís what I thought. Just make sure youíre fully stocked with some extra-strength turpentine mouthwash.
° Thereís trouble on the presidential home front as Grippís trophy collection has exceeded Tibbs 2:1. Itís been reported that Tibbs has tried to kick her out of the house, but then she reminded him that she pays for it.
° Commish is running numbers, calculating the potential loss of people vs. the potential gain in moolah if he jacks up the league fees some more, of course taking into account that suckers like myself, OCal, Tibbs, Gripp continue to reel you back in for more with our eloquent prose and frequent mentioning of your name. Results will be in in approx 3 weeks.
You mean to tell me thereís a world outside CAC?
° Mark-Paul Gosseler, better known as Zack Morris will be staring in TNTís highly anticipated courtroom dramaìRaising the Bar.î Ocal has already reported this to everyone, but what he failed to comment on was Zackís new ìdo.î Donít tell me you havenít seen the commercials and completely lost it. Is that lack-of hair cut somehow essential to the plot?? Next heíll be doing ì I canít believe itís not Rogaineî commercials.
you mean to tell me we are supposed to take him seriously??
° Yesterday morning Iím walking out of Starbucks in downtown crossing with my embarrassing drink order to see a man with a nice clean cut, a lil scruff on his face, a dry fit tee (no, this is not a Wolverine story), some respectable shorts, a NIKE ìfanny pakî, ìman-purseî whatever you wanna call it, and Nike sneaks all the while HOLDING A CUP of change that heís clanking complete with military ID and announcing that he ìjust returned from Iraq!î Whatís wrong with this picture? I actually witnessed people putting money in there. Is there a term for that, volunteered robbery? I donít know whoís worse mr. fanny pak, or the people willingly enabling him. ì Just back from Iraqî my ass, either that or you are and the government should be taking care of you, or at the very least didnít you learn some life skills in the army? Peddling change is for drunks and crack-heads. Come to think of it, it might have said US Marine on his ID?
Memorable Quote of the Week
JBerr: ìGripp, Iím coming up with this new thing for my blog. Itís going to be like a weekly-updateÖbut I need a name for it, Iím stumpedî
Gripp: ìOooo I know, how about the CACloid!? Like the tabloids of CAC.î
Letters to the Editor
° In response to Zack Morris
or I can see him doing a “And I thought Kelly was monogamousî….Valtrex [holding the box] for when your high school sweetheart lays pipe with a herpy infested duesh from college that owns the Max and probably nailed her in one of the booths.”
–Sincerely, a basement dwelling, facial hair lacking, law student.
° So what is Jberrrrr’s Box rating? Am I going to have to check that little box to ensure I am 18 before I read this thing? I just read the introduction, and I feel like I just sat through the family guy episode “fat guy strangler” or something- The one where Peter Griffin goes to get a physical and the doctor keeps making these off color remarks about his health- And it seems to never end. (I think I just watched that last night- it was a little foggy at best) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7I1dqQGBalg
-Sincerely, a concerned parent
Sincerely, The Girl who Dropped 18 on your ass last night