By PMills

What? A write-up/preview? For the East? You betcha. The winds of change are blowing in the Co-Ed, and (hopefully) that means more (and more consistent) write-ups and reviews and such for you fine folks. Change No. 1 for this season is that I’ll be manning the scoreboard on Wednesday Nights at the King and doing my best to keep you entertained with weekly previews and write-ups, while you all entertain me on game nights. I’m new at the stat-keeping and the board, so if you see something amiss, let me know. I’ll definitely win the award for Most Improved Scorekeeper in Co-Ed East by session’s end. Promise.

Word on the street is that Shirt Before the Shirt (SBTS) defected to the West just to get a taste of Rory Duyon’s fine work over there. That, or they were so embarrassed to lose a single game that they took their proverbial ball and went home. Either way, that is change No. 2 for this season.

While we’re talking about rosters, there has been change. We’ve had subtractions:

• The Cookie Monsters crumbled- too easy
• The Boston Beer Company collectively decided that they had a “work conflict”- too many people, too few points
• You can once again bring out your children and spouses- no more HYKHYW, HY punctuation errors, off to Mondays
• f/k/a SBTS is trying to claim legitimacy in the West by going retro- read: afraid of getting beaten up by Genzyme

We’ve had additions:

• Wheels of Steel- I think I still have bruises from one of their squads several sessions ago
• Femme Fatale- While the name is pretty good, I sincerely hope they consider a different one, maybe like… … mall#t=114
• Dizzy Llamas Purple- Yes, another DL team.

And some things have stayed the same:

• Defending co-ed champ (unified) Weapons of Mass Seduction (WOMS) are back and intact
• So are the Above the Rim Jobs

For those of you who don’t know me, I happen to be the Coordinator for Dizzy Llamas Basketball. You might think, “Hey! Isn’t that a conflict of interest?” To which I say, “probably.” Not-so-secretly, I hope that the DL teams finish 1, 2, 3 in this conference. That said, I’m not reffing the games, so deal. I’ll try to give everyone equal “pub”; feel free to call me out. I know Marré will.

So without further ado, I’ll give some thoughts about each team and three predictions:

1. WOMS-
Last Season: 7-2 in Co-Ed East, Won East v Genzyme; won U Game v Bulletproof Tigers
Returners: Everyone
Losses: No one
Key Addition: Co-Ed Championship Signatures for their message board posts

Clearly, you have to rank the returning champs No. 1 to start the season. Until someone beats them, that’s where they’ll stay. The WOMS are stacked with talented players that hustle, players that know one another and have excellent chemistry, and players that are witty, clever, and pretty funny. They’re a Co-Ed masterpiece. Drink with them post game and you’ll see. While they didn’t have to face SBTS in the playoffs and got a diminished Bulletproof Tigers in the U-Game, WOMS just looked awesome. I would be shocked if Captain Sara Doherty would allow them to bring a weaker effort this season. Team to beat!

Prediction No. 1: WOMS will be better than WOS (Wheels of Steel)- of course they will; they have an extra “M”.

Prediction No. 2: EJ will (a) make my heart happy with weekly ridiculous highlight reel moves in the lane and also (b) make me shake my head with bad Hollywood acting, while clamoring for fouls at the slightest hint of contact. Net result- I will like EJ middle of the road, no better, no worse at season’s end.

Prediction No. 3: Rory will whine about not getting enough blocks and/or assists; will throw down the first annual “Co-ed Scorekeeper Challenge”.

NOTE: teams 2-5 are REALLY close, and the rankings could have easily gone any way.

2. Dizzy Llamas White
Last Season: 5-4 in Co-Ed East, Lost to Genzyme in East Quarters
Returners: Matt Roberts (C), Nick Bruce, Carissa Everett, Jen Kuzmick
Losses: Pat Brown, Paul Nimblett, Eileen Devlin
Key Additions: Phil Putis, the Brothers Claffey

With the addition of a third DL team, the top story of the Llamas’ season is how the splintering of DL White into two teams will affect the franchise. Long time leader Pat Brown is off to lead DL Purple, taking with him a lot of points and sweet rhymes in Paul Nimblett (“Nibbs”) and Eileen Devlin. But as with everything else, change brings opportunity, in this case for Nick Bruce (who was probably underutilized on the bench last season) and newcomer Phil Putis to take on the scoring that has left. It also presents an opportunity for the Claffey Brothers (Mike and Mark) to use their patented hustle and athleticism to make this team a contender.

Prediction No. 1: Phil Putis will be a household name by season’s end, and Nick Bruce will thrive with increased playing time.

Prediction No. 2: You will get sick of hearing the name, “Claffey,” unless it is your name. There are now fully three Claffeys in the East, two on White, and the self-proclaimed “worst player of the three” captaining DL Orange. Honestly, that “worst” player can ball a little. Be prepared to run.

Prediction No. 3: Carissa Everett will hit at least two game-winning shots.

3. Dizzy Llamas Purple
Last Season: N/A
Returners: N/A
Key Additions: Pat Brown (C), Nibbs, Nate Brigham, Eileen Devlin, Lauren Kelly

Will there be enough crushed velvet in the world for the DL Purple crew (dare I call them the “Purple Rain”)? Much like the WOS, DL Purple has a lot of star power, and the quickness of their “gelling” will determine their success. Their starting five will rival any squad, and (my) adding 1-3 more subs will probably have a pretty strong impact on how this team will fare late in games. A good balance of size, hustle, speed and flow, DL Purple’s first campaign could be wildly successful, or they could get worn down by physical teams like Genzyme and Wheels of Steel.

Prediction No. 1: This team will play and look regal (purple historically stands for royalty, or at least part of Mardi Gras) and will be fun to watch.

Prediction No. 2: Nibbs will be fly and let it fly. Means lots of shots and rhymes attempted.

Prediction No. 3: Purple’s ladies will give them an edge in most matchups this season.

4. Genzyme
Last Season: 4-5 in Co-Ed East, Lost to WOMS in East Finals
Returners: Pat Lawson, Gwen Browne, Keith Schofield, Jeff DiPrimo, Garrett Tingle, Chris Gugliotta, Van Tran, Sam Sok, and Andrea Burgess
Losses: A bunch of people I haven’t heard of and Jakeen Cobb
Key Additions: John McEnelly?

Genzyme, or Gen-Mod, as I like to call them, probably has added by subtraction. Of course, this could simply be a situation where the roster grows over the course of the season to 18 (yes, 18) like last session. The current listing is a meager 10. Pat, Keith, Gwen and Jeff will be a strong core in the playoffs- we’ll see if they show for silly little regular season games. There is little doubt in my mind that they would be ranked higher if they all played every game. Jeff (especially) and Keith are bruisers down low, and Pat and Gwen can just take over games at times. Jakeen’s loss may be noticeable.

Prediction No. 1: Gen-mod will be average in the regular season and then contend once the playoffs start.

Prediction No. 2: At least one woman from Femme Fatale will receive a shiner courtesy of one of Genzyme’s bigs. The other players/teams/me will feel icky and awkward about it.

Prediction No. 3: People will complain about Genzyme hoarding all of the early starts.

5. Wheels of Steel (WOS)
Last Season: N/A
Returners: N/A
Losses: N/A
Key Additions: Matt Monroe (C), Nick Altschuler, Tristan Mouligne, Loren Turner, Bryan Arndt, “Justine”, TBA?

Take a quick look at the stats of the individuals that make up this team; like DL Purple, if they gel, they will be a force. They play tough, they can score from a bunch of places, and did I mention that they are tough? Tons of experience and winning, scorers all over the place.

Prediction No. 1: Matt Monroe will average a double-double.

Prediction No. 2: The WOS will consume many beer towers at the Sunset post game.

Prediction No. 3: This team is going to be damn good.

6. Femme Fatale
Last Season: N/A
Returners: N/A
Losses: N/A
Key Additions: Alleigh Marré, Luana Botelho (“Sweet Lu”), Kristin raz, Courtney Schermerhorn, Adrianne Mayshar, Kristen Dessingue, Rebecca Pelletier, Shannon Robinson

The official position of every man and woman in the league is that it’s a really cool idea that Alleigh decided to go through with her brainchild of beating men with women (in hoops only, I hope). Unofficially, I bet that there isn’t a guy on any of the squads that thinks they will get beat by Femme Fatale. Sure, most guys will say the right thing, but I’m calling out anyone that does as a jackhole. I’m putting them at 6 because I’m rooting for them to win every game not played against one of the Llama squads. As far as team make-up (not makeup), I only know Marré and Bothello; they would be strong players on any of the teams. I’m sure that Alleigh (who just completed her first Boston Marathon) wouldn’t set up her team to fail by putting scrubs on it, so I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt and assume that this will look like a lady all-star team. Can’t wait to see them play.

Prediction No. 1: Femme Fatale will win against somebody in an actual game (i.e. not just a forfeit).

Prediction No. 2: I will get multiple requests for game tape to, “break down film” against the Femmes.

Prediction No. 3: Somewhere, Billie Jean King is smiling.

7. Dizzy Llamas Orange (f/k/a Dizzy Llamas Blue)
Last Season: 3-6, Lost to Genzyme in East Semis
Returners: Dave Claffey (C), Mariano Ocampo-Garcia, Nick Hogan, Jerry Antone, Cynthia Lopez
Losses: Dave Grubb, Mike Claffey, Mayla Gleaton, Sarah Anderson
Key Additions: TBD x 3

Despite being listed 7th here, there is a good amount of talent, and with the original Claffey moving from behind the bench to the role of “player-coach,” motivation will not be in short supply. There is no doubt that the loss of Grubb hurts, but there are plenty of scoring options retuning to pick up the slack (returning rookie of the year runner-up Nick Hogan and winner Mariano OCampo-Garcia come immediately to mind). Honestly, I will be adding a few TBDs to the team to round it into form, but Dave will find a way to get some wins with whatever roster he has.

Prediction No. 1: Orange will improve over its performance last season.

Prediction No. 2: You will have a hard time stopping Mariano when he drives to the net.

Prediction No. 3: Antone and Lopez will have much-better stats this year.

8. Above the Rim Jobs
Last Season: 3-6, Lost to WOMS in East Quarters
Returners: Everyone
Losses: No one
Key Additions: Ire for me for ranking them dead last.

Despite being ranked last in this first (and meaningless- I mean, no one’s even taken a shot yet) publication, ATRJ took WOMS to the brink in their playoff matchup last season, the only team that even tested WOMS. The way I see it, there are no easy games this session. Sleep on the ATRJ and you will get beat. They’ve got size-a-plenty and some streaky shooters, plus SJ Roberts, who’s “kind of a big deal.”

Prediction No. 1: Someone will take ATRJ lightly and get beat (Genzyme, perhaps?)

Prediction No. 2: Boozer (Chris Angelillo) will hit more threes than you think he can.

Prediction No. 3: ATRJ will be at the bar, post-game, more than you (which is too bad for you).

Can’t wait to see the games start on Wednesday! See you then.

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