In typical JZuk fashion I present to you the write ups for Co-Ed Week 11 Semi-Final play on the day of Co-Ed Week 12 Championship play…and yes, while it may not be responsible of me to make you all wait quite a few extra days for your write ups, none of you can deny that it’s worth the wait (most of the time)!
The semifinals games proved to be memorable to say the very least. I had just finished toweling off my sweat and stressed to BFab that his sink shower tactics between games would be useless on this night…the gym was hot as balls for lack of a better meteorology descriptor.
The second game of the night starred the Animal House disciples of Game…Blouses and the hard-knock’d Billerica-rooted kids of WOMS (I journeyed out to Billerica with Mr. Baaaaaaaaaston and The Printaaaaaaaa a few weeks ago, and now I 100% understand why Harold From the VA and Heather are the way they are…turns out their heads were not used as basketballs when they were toddlers…it’s a nature vs. nurture debate to the fullest).
These two squads had been talking non-stop smack on the boards all season and, especially all week long. By the end of the banter exchange, I’m confident that Reddick has now become an expert at Adobe Photoshop and Celli has become proficient in accessing the World Wide Web (as well as typing…although I’m not sure if he can type without looking at the keys…maybe).
Needless to say, the rivalry was beyond fueled and both teams were foaming at the mouth as the tip-off got under way. WOMS got off to a fast-paced start and never looked back. They were coming off their best team game from the previous week in eliminating their nemesis in the Rim Jobbers. You could sense that Mr. Baaaaaaaston and co. were on a hell bent mission to take their team to Co-Ed glory.
EJ set the tone early as she dominated the point guard spot just like Tibbs dominates ugliness. She had her jumper working for her and was able to get her team kick-started on offense. She finished the game with 15 points and 5 assists! Harvey had his fade-away on over drive and Mr. Baaaaaaston was driving the lane…things were looking pretty good.
Four minutes in to the game L$ went down with a painful ankle injury. She was able to hobble to the side lines and fight through the pain and sweltering heat as she managed to cheer her team on! Yes, life was not treating L$ kindly…BFabtried his best at playing doctor, but his cold “packs” were about as cold as Paris Hilton’s crotch. Luckily, a real doctor was in the building and was able to run across the street to the shadiest Quicky-Mart in Somerville to snag a bag of ice – what a genius (ME)!
L$ was in immense pain, but she was somehow able to put a smile on her face through it all. Her smile was wearing strong up until the end of the first of three overtimes…
OK, listen, while L$ broke the news to everyone on the boards about my gas exchange, I figured I should put in my two cents…and what better way to recreate the story then in write-up format?!
So Tibbs was busy setting up the new game clock (which featured a horn and full pixels – WOW!)…meanwhile L$ thought it best to pull up a seat next to me to elevate her ankle and conveniently sit in front of the gym fan. Doesn’t seem like a bad idea on paper, right? Well little did Tibbs and L$ money know that JZuk pounded a Campbells Select Low Sodium Mexican Tortilla soup in a five min. time period roughly 30 min. before the first game of the evening. ALSO, little did Tibbs,L$, and, now JZuk, know that indigestion combined with 300 degree humidity + non-stop over time action/excitement would stimulate JZuk SBD action.
So I admit it, I let a few squeakers go…no big deal…I couldn’t smell ‘em so I figured no one else could…FALSE! After my act, I looked up and noticed that a-once calm Tibbs was now a spastic maniacal Tibbs just pressing random buttons/banging on the scoreboard to get shop set up as quickly as possible…the color in his face was starting to match the color of his hair…oops…I look over at L$ – she is no longer smiling and tending to her ankle, rather, she is, at this point, pale and unpleasant.
So what does JZuk do at this point in the game? I play it off…you know…I do the whole stare in to space scratch the head thing…finally, when, I assume, she can afford to start breathing again through her nose as opposed to her mouth – L$looks over at me and says: “Zuk, does this fan stink or is that you ripping ass?” HAHAHAHAHAHA! BUSTED. Guilty as charged…I promise I will eat well in advance of tonight’s 7:30 PM game…and I will make sure that my palate is not satisfied by any soup or ethnic cuisine. Oh, and sorry to Tibbs and L$.
Back to game action…regulation was winding down…and we had an extremely close game. WOMS continued to play great ball throughout regulation and I have to commend The Odor Blocker in his gritty defensive play on Pretty Face as the Dukie-wannabe was limited to just 16 points in regulation (which is low for Pretty Face ppg stats). Also, Heather was able to convert on some great looks from Mr. Baaaaaston. She finished with 10 points on the night and did not yell at me once for a stat (that’s got to be a first). Finally, The Printaaaaaaa had some sneaky post moves as she woman-handledRory and Celli. In fact she countered Celli’s infamous fly swatttttaaaaaaa with an up-n-under! Nice!
OK, we all know the story…GB had the ball with 1.7 seconds left…we all thought WOMS had it in the bag as they led by 1 point. Rory must have gone through every buzzer beater play in NBA Jam as he rifled a perfectly thrown Tom Brady-esque pass to a deer in the headlights in Celli, at the top of the arc. Celli caught the pass, landed a dribble and let one soar…BUT…just as he let it fly, Heather let her excitement get the best of her as she attempted to high five and chest bump her opponent in mid-air. With the defective technology afforded to me (“I have no horn!” – Wolverine) along with the handyIrish Tickler at my side as witness to the clock and game, we both called the foul as the time expired.
With time expired Celli had the chance to shoot 3 freebies…making 1 would tie the game…making 2 would win the game. While Tibbs was collecting bets on the outcome of Celli’s FT performance, I was busy looking for cover as I thought Mr. Baaaaaston was going to throw hard and sharp objects at me from all directions.
Celli, with the biggest basketball opportunity of his short-lived life, stepped up to the line. You could tell the kid was shaking harder than Michael J. Fox off of his meds. He throws the first one up..CLANK…L$ then asks me again if I was ripping ass…I pleaded with her that it was not me and pointed out the magic-8 ball protrusions lining the back of Celli’sshorts…
Celli fires up the second shot…it goes in…OT at the least….Celli then misses his 3rd shot…we had OT.
OT was a blur (at least a week later)…Reddick stepped up big and was able to knock some shots down in the post and hit some unreal three’s…but it was not enough to overcome Harvey’s trusty fade-away…Harvey was literally unconscious in OT. The Irish Tickler and I couldn’t believe it! The Easter Bunny of a man was hosting his own shooting clinic!
Seconds were left in OT, and GB found themselves, again, trailing by 3. Somehow, Celli got the ball and was able to hit an uncontested 3 as time expired! Second OT!!!
More of the same was going on in OT #2, but this time around WOMS was the victim at the hands of Reddick’s clutch shooting. Also, The Silent Assassin was mopping up boards all over the place and managed to hit some bunnies in the post to keep his team moving towards a potential victory.
It was up to WOMS – did these kids want to keep battling and tempt the fate of a heart failure for BFab or did they want to call it quits? Harvey was all about some 3rd OT action as he was able to keep popping fade-aways…it’s really unbelievable – even when Harvey has the opportunity to shoot a regular jump shot, he will fade-away regardless!
Long story, short a 3rd OT was underway. At this point, most of WOMS and GB ran out of gas which is beyond understandable – HELL, my nerves were frayed just from managing my recent onset of Campbells-induced IBS and 2 hours of the game clock/scoreboard.
Reddick and Co. hit some big shots, and built up a 7 point lead. There were some heroic events towards the end of regulation including Harvey and Harry going in to Miller Time with B2B 3’s, but it simply was not enough. GB was able to emerge victorious in a heart break loss on account of WOMS. Believe me when I tell you all I wish both teams could have won the game! Tough Love.
Final Score: Game Blouses – 75 Weapons of Mass Seduction – 73