Duyon & The Jackhole ~ WEEI’s & CAC’s Co-Ed Voice ~ Rory Duyon

Originally Posted

In my mission to provide you derelicts with actual interesting people that play for the CAC instead of reading how a refurbished scoreboard that a company no longer sells parts for is broken for the 1,739th time, I’ve hunted down a man after my own heart.  Whoa – that sounds creepy.  Hunting down men?  Almost stalker-esque like JZuk with Casey G,Captain Cate, any Jager girl for that matter or just when hanging at the Zukerman family picnic.

I keep my focus on the Mass SeductionDolls, JZuk, so no thank you…and no, I don’t want an invite to your next rubber party.

Speaking of the Co-Ed Naked Dance Party we have rolling out every Wednesday night at the King and Kennedy Schools – I’ve uncovered a gem amongst the very pastiness ofJumpmanHarv, and your Director of CAC Basketball.  Rory Duyon is the captain of the Game…Blouses squad that came thisclose to running the table undefeated last season before his squad lost a heartbreaker in the Co-Ed Finals this past summer.

Rory is back and has revamped his squad to go after the elusive, never-before-seen, brand new championship Das Boot trophy this Fall.  But – who wants to talk to some blow hard from the Co-Ed ranks.  More importantly – who would read it?  Rory – in his spare time when he is not scheming against theHarvey‘s of the Co-Ed world or trying to consult the weeper whiners (Reddick) on his team – works for Sports Radio 850 – WEEI on the weekends delivering you your sports flash when you are doing the “drive of shame” after too many cocktails at the Crimson Lounge and getting buried under the table by the Co-Ed lushes – I mean women.

First off Rory – what brought you to the CAC?  Your favorite thing about the CAC?  And be honest – the worse thing about the CAC?

RD: I lived up in New Hampshire up until April of 2009 and had played in leagues at Sportszone in Derry.  I really liked the basketball up there so even after moving down to Somerville I continued playing, but I wanted to find something more local.  I had a coed team and we tried BSSC.  It was terrible, 6 regular season games, weird rules, no competition, we were boozing before playoff games and killing people.  My roommates, Nate Dogg and Nibs The Balla, who I also play with at Sportszone somehow got involved in the Sunday 4-on-4 team.  They told me about it, and after one season of BSSC we came to play CAC.

It’s tough to pick a best thing.  I love the stats, I love how the staff encourages people to get involved by talking on the message boards, post game beers and such.  It really becomes sort of a community.

The only bad thing about the league is Celli and his taped hamstrings with fluorescent colored pre wrap…but I suppose you’ll get that in any league he plays in, and he actually didn’t tape them last night, so maybe it will end up being a non issue this session.

Hey is there really going to be a DAS BOOT trophy?  That may be my new favorite thing.

BFab:  Celli actually hit three treys in last week’s game so maybe he should stay away from the pink shrink wrap.  Wow – this has already turned into a running CAC advertisement for the best Co-Ed League in big bad Boston.  Seems you have perspective on the New England hoops scene. One big CAC Co-Ed Naked love fest.  Get naked with any CAC-ers yet?  Tried the “Naked City” trick with Dan Duggan of the Boston Herald for some stories with names omitted – but it didn’t work.  Care to dish out some good ole fashion CAC late-night debauchery?

Yes, Das Boot will be in effect for Fall 2010.  Purchased with my own money of course because I would never expect The Commish to spend 20 bucks on a trophy if they are expecting me to use outdoor flip-card scoreboards in Week 4 this season.  I run a tight ship Duyon.

RD: Haaaaaa well BFab they don’t call them Weapons of Mass Seduction for nothing haha.  I will say this league has led to more drunken shenanigans than any league I had been in previously.  It’s led to some great fun, classic flip cup battles, a dance party, a shooting guard’s back through a power forward’s bosses summertime vineyard house wall (did that make sense) and some other hilariously bad decisions.

But if I go any further there may be a handful of people from more than a couple of teams that are after my head.  We’ve gotten to know some of the other teams pretty well and I’m thankful for the friends I’ve made around the league.  A truly great aspect of this league.  Hopefully the next CAC party will involve Game…Blouses and that boot!!!  BFab if you get two of them, you can grant Reddick a chugging rematch.  I think he’s looking for redemption.  Last one wasn’t pretty.  You’re years of experience paid off.

BFab: ahhhh the Mass Seduction Ladies.  We could talk hours about WOMS but don’t slight L-Boogie and Stockton…you of all people know I light up at the site of those two.

Got Pickles Heather?  I’m IN!  Hey, I like sharing…

Smashing Vineyard House Walls?  You drove by my house that resembles a tent in Plymouth probably to get there (Exit 6 off Route 3 South for those asking).  And no shout out?  I expect an invite next summer or there is no chance Reddick gets a rematch. I go out a champion – much like here at the CAC – 8 titles and counting big man.  You, ReddickCelli, and Dave Chappelle (Great team name BTW)?  Zero combined.

I was thinking of the two Das Boots – one for the men – one for the women – but with the way Reddick has been Sally Sulker – we could stick with one if your team wins if you catch my drift.  My “experience” – you are being too nice.  I’ve been growing horizontally for quite sometime.  Even some CAC photos look outdated and I’ve been here five or so years.  Quickly turning 60 overnight.

The CAC Community actually is unaware of the many, many shenanigans with the Co-Ed late nights as it is the Club’s best kept secret but with Tibbetts infiltrating it’s only a matter of time he gets his clammy hands all around the awesomeness and ruins something.

Even though the Co-Ed experience has been great so far for Rory and the Band ~ you had some controversy.  Nibs is a roomie – but not good enough to stick with Game…Blouses?  You are on the spot now, my Hampton Beach loser…


RD:  I’ll leave the cheeseburger jokes to Reddick.  You two seem to get after each other pretty well…I knew this would come up haha.  Nibs and I go a LONG way back.  We played little league together in Londonderry, NH.  We played AAU together in middle school, it was actually at one of those games that we found out we’re distant cousins…3rd…4th…twice removed I don’t know something like that.  We went to different high schools (Pinkerton sucks), different colleges and reconnected after playing pick-up in Derry.  We moved down to Somerville and were playing ball together pretty much the whole time.  When the Co-Ed team was initially put together it started as an idea of Mike, Dave and me.  We settled on the Wednesday night league for BSSC.  Nibs had a Wednesday night commitment, so we put the team together without him.  When we moved to CAC, Steve Iorio, our point guard needed to take a session off and Nibs no longer had a conflict with Wednesday night.  We grabbed Nibs, he did some really good things for us, but now fast forwarding to the new season, Steve was ready to rejoin the team and we felt the 9 was just too many.  Sometimes we feel like 8 are too many.  We all love the playing time.  I love Nibs, always will.  We made a team decision that the fair thing was to go with the original 8.  I’m glad Nibs hooked up with the Llamas.  Poppa Llama brought in some solid talent.  They will not be the doormat they were last season.  In fact I like the Llama White squad to have a winning season.


BFab: Dizzy White and Orange both seem to be on their way up – and it pains me to say this since Pat Millena fashions himself a star on Orange – but both are MUCH better this season.  You will see them moving and grooving on the Power Poll (check the Message Boards).

Your response was way too informative, nice, and structured limiting my ability to call you the jellyfish you are.  You threw Nibs off the team like a used diaper filled with Indian food and I hope and pray he scores 40 on you personally.  There – I said it. HAHA.  L$ will still dig my calves so I don’t care…

Now – since you and Glenn Ordway are best pals – let’s get to the real stuff.  Pinkerton does suck.  Who is fatter?  Ordway,BFab, or Sheppard?

RD: Oh I love Nibs, but when we play Llama White in the last game of the regular season we expect to hold him to single digits.  That’s a fact.  You heard it here first.  Nibs, if you’re reading this, you’re my boy, but don’t expect anything easy in week 9!  The only stat category you’re going 10+ in is shot attempts.  BFab, we’ll have somebody watching you all game to make sure you’re not adding anything to his point column that he didn’t earn!!

Sorry to say I’ve never met Ordway or Sheppard in person.  I’m a company guy though, and Sheppard isn’t there anymore so I’ll say Sheppard.  Mutnansky is my boy over there.  That guy host’s a really good show.  He only gets weekend work, which is a shame, because he’s informative and funny.  BFab, let me ask you a question…if WE hosted a show on WEEIwhat would it be called?

Also – this interview would be way cooler if you were Kenny Mayne or Dan Patrick…just saying…

BFab:  Mayne is too wacky and Dan Patrick hasn’t been relevant in 10 years.  An Eagle eye on me?  Tibbs watches me enough and changes stats on his own anyway so what’s the big deal with more Big Brothers out there…will Nibs out-shoot my cheeseburger intake?  Over-Under?

As for a show title – it would certainly be a dynamic duo but Ochocinco stole the Batman and Robin gimmick.  Rory and Fab?  Duyon and Fabry or Fabry and Duyon sounds like a bad Euro reading college class.

You didn’t get your start at WEEI – rumor has it you have a radio voice AND face perfect for the airwaves…

RD: If we’re talking Nibs shots MADE then I’m putting my money on you and the burgers, but attempts…I don’t know dude, are we talking hungry BFab after scoring 4 games?  Are you snacking throughout the games?  These factors are all kind of important.

Sadly this is true.  All radio thus far for this guy.  If I ever get past puberty and my skin clears up, maybe a TV station will have me.  In the meantime I’m relying on these golden pipes.  I got my start in the Eastern League though.  Double-A baseball broadcasting one-hitters for the likes of Clay Buchholz and such.  Two years of that was a lot of fun.  2007 in particular when I got to travel.  9,000 miles on a bus with 24 ball players.  It was an interesting summer.

BFab: Now we are getting places…minor league baseball is like one huge frat party on wheels.  I was part of the 1995-97Florida Marlins affiliate – the Portland Sea Dogs.  Everyone remembers them now as the Double A affiliate of the Red Sox but back in my hey day – I worked the hotel where all the Marlins’ players stayed for the season.

The Sea Dogs are Brett MichaelsBrad Pitt, and Jude Law wrapped into one in terms of popularity in Portland, Maine.  I hitched my wagon to them pretty quick and was often “the brother” of the starting catcher.  Helped my “resume” quite a bit.

In terms of a “clean” story or two – the Portland Pirates are the AAA hockey team for the Washington Capitals (now with the Buffalo Sabers).  I was able to drink from the Calder Cup – the minor league version of the Stanley Cup.  Also – played foosball with Drew Bledsoe and we won…

Gimme me a good, bad, embarrassing story from your days riding in the front of the bus.  No chance the radio guy got a seat in the back playing poker with some Cubans…

RD: That was a whole lot of “air quotes” in a short amount of time.  Still processing.

Life in the minors was a lot of fun and we had quite the cast of characters.  I was the play by play broadcaster for the Connecticut Defenders, Double-A for the San Francisco Giants.  I saw a lot of guys playing for the Giants now, most notablyJonathan Sanchez, who turned in a really good fantasy season for me this year.  I remember in August of 2007 we made an 11 day three city trip to Akron, OH, Erie, PA and Bowie, MD in that order.  We had a travel day to get to Akron, so once we were there we had a whole day off.  Our second baseman went to a mall and came back with a pair of heelie sneakers…you know the ones you see kids on all them time where they get a little running start, drop back on their heels and just glide around?  There’s a wheel inside the heel of the shoe or something.  Apparently they make them in adult sized.  The next day while we waited for the team bus in the hotel lobby to get to the park I think just about everybody on the team tries them on.  Kids do it so effortlessly and I’m watching not just grown men, but professional athletes struggle to balance on these and I’m wondering how I’m going to tell the listeners that the star left fielder is on the DL with a broken arm…from heelies…anyway nobody got hurt.

By the time we got to Erie, our second baseman had gotten pretty good with these sneakers.  After a Saturday night game I went bar hopping in Erie with him and two other guys on the team, one who spent some good time with the Giants last season.  As an aside, Erie is a fun town!!  Big strip of bars downtown near the park, on any given night at least a half dozen of them have dollar drafts.  So we’re bar hopping and our second baseman was shamelessly gliding up to girls all night on his heels using the corniest pick up lines he could think of.  It was one of my favorite nights in the eastern league.

Forgive me for running on, but the scariest night I think I ever had in the Eastern League was when I got a little too drunk in Binghamton, but I had driven us out to the bar, so I let one of our relievers who hadn’t been drinking drive the car home.  His name, and I’m not afraid to give this one out, because I’m sure he’s been deported back to Cuba, was Yosandy Ibanez.  Barely spoke a word of English and one of the craziest guys I ever met.  For probably the only time in the history of mankind, drunk driving would have been the smarter choice.  I can’t believe we didn’t die flying around the back roads of Binghamton, NY.  That’s what I get for missing the team bus and having to drive out to Harrisburg and Binghamton.

Not a bad gig for a 23 year old.  And another one that also took place in Erie…feel free to use or omit any of these…

BFab:  You look like a lunatic already – why bother?

RD: Great.  A lot of times on the road I’ll go down on the field to the batting cage during BP.  Sometimes you pick up some funny stories or interesting information about a player for on air use.  Obviously I need to use discretion, as I work for the team, I hang out with these guys and their families listen.

This was a great example of something I could NOT repeat on air.  It was mid August and there were only a couple of weeks left in the season.  The minors’ regular season ends Labor Day weekend, and some guys were talking about their off seasons.  One of the guys involved in the conversation was a minor league journeyman, approaching 30 years old.  Great minor league hitter but never had gotten a shot in the bigs.  He’d been busted for PEDs twice, rumor has it that his excuse for one time was that he tested positive because he had been taking Viagra.  Nice enough guy, but a bit of a clown.  Hit the hell out of the ball, but couldn’t field.  He actually spent parts of the last two seasons DH-ing for a Major League team in the AL East.  So this player was talking about his off season and said how he really doesn’t drink in the off season, because he doesn’t want his kids to think their father was an alcoholic.  Knowing what I knew about this guy and his personality I was a little surprised, but impressed to hear that.  As this thought is running through my head, a smirk crawls across his face and he blurts out, “I do go to a lot of whore houses though”.

Yup…life in the minors…

BFab:  Whore Houses in Erie?  I knew that city would be moving up the charts in this interview.  Jersey Shore or Erie, PA?  Doesn’t matter – all a bunch of whores live there. Strip of bars?  I was hoping for Bars of Strippers.  Then Erie, PA would become top 3 on OCal and Filosa’s CAC Travel Guide of Places to Visit. And a name drop would be nice.  First round on me next week to the person who gets me the AL East DH Rory won’t talk about…

I love air quotes.  If I was being interviewed – I’d give the full CAC lowdown.  Like BDub throwing JZuk like a midget in bowling, or TSpin throwing potatoes, or me “unsuspectingly” groping bartenders at Doyle’s, or windows being smashed, or city garbage cans being tossed like Zuk’s salad in the pouring rain at 2am…wait – this is your 15 minutes of fame. Air quotes RULE!

Honestly though – minor league cities seem to be the best places to hang out especially when you are with the team.  I really thought about writing a book about the trials and tribulations from my perspective.  Screw the radio show – we could pen a book on minor leaguers – the real stories.

Rapid Fire time!!  I’ll give you a term, name, or situation and you fire back quickly – ten questions:

RD: Bar of strippers??  No, no that was Portland, not Erie.

BFab: So you’ve been to Portland?  HA!  Here we go:

1. Magic Johnson

RD: Larry Bird

BFab: terrible answer – it’s supposed to be “all-time leader in assists average for CAC Co-Ed”.

RD: Oh, you’re referring to the same assist leader who took Celli to the hole and then in a display of total grace and class, or the exact opposite smacked him in the head on the way back up the court?  Yeah, not impressed

2. Heather Charlene

RD: The smokeshow!  Really smart defender.  Never commits stupid fouls…except that one time…

BFab: Ewwwww – I don’t feel bad about anything while reffing.  Except for that infamous man-groping of Celli.  Bad on all different levels. Basically I was jealous. And you get full credit for the Smokeshow nickname.


3. Danny Ainge claiming this is the “most talented team in quite a while”

RD: Does he mean a while ago?  Seriously if this was 2002, they’d go 78-4, even with a 16 year old Rajon Rondo.  Sadly – the Heat and Lakers only got better.  You know, I’m not ruling out a title run, I’m really not…but I’m not holding my breath either.

4. Stockton and L$:

RD: The backbone of Game…Blouses

BFab: I could have fun with “back” and “bone” with both of them for sure – but I’ll leave you to explain it.

RD: I think you just did a pretty good job.  Jeez, Lauren compliments you on your calves once and now she’s totally got you under her spell

BFab: You don’t seem me denying it, do you?

5. Duke

RD: Steve Wojciechowski

BFab: Reddick acts like Wojo.

RD: Hey, ball players can be sensitive

6. Best sport to watch in person?

RD: Hockey

BFab: Agreed! Quite underrated.

7. Best sport on television?

RD: Random game, NFL football.  But for a specific event, nothing beats March Madness.

BFab: In 2005, I ruptured my Achilles at a Genzyme company function.  I was paid work comp and ironically it happened the Thursday before Selection Sunday.  Coincidence? I think not.  At least that’s what I say to make myself feel better about having my achilled roll up to my awesome calf like a fruit-rollup while dancing.

8. What keeps you passionate about radio?

BFab: I was a DJ for three years and Sports Director for the radio in college (when we still used pay phones and horse and buggies)

RD: Particularly in play by play anything can happen.  You can’t practice or rehearse for it.  People tell me to give them my home run call.  I can’t.  Every one is different

BFab: Odd you say that…cause you will be doing just that before you leave…

9. First professional game you get to call?  Your choice:

 A) Game of the past?  Mine is Game 6 of the Mets-Sox World Series

RD:  If I had to broadcast the most heart wrenching loss in the history of my favorite team to get to the big time, I would do it in a heart beat and love it.  I’d be the dumbest person alive for saying I wouldn’t have killed to broadcast a world series game because it was that world series game.

B) Game in future?

RD: If I had to broadcast for a team it would be the Patriots, but I’d rather do college hoops for a network

BFab: I think football is great to watch – as a fan.  Not sure I would be happy broadcasting it.  Too much downtime to be honest.  Hoops are much better for the pacing, excitement, and unpredictability.  But for the old-schoolers – baseball is where it is at – especially on radio.

RD: The pace is sort of irrelevant to me.  I love broadcasting baseball but it’s a completely different kind of play by play.  More conversational.  More downtime.  It’s actually a lot of fun.  Lots of information in between action.  You really have to paint a picture.  That’s fun as a play by play guy.

BFab: So – you know that little leprechaun midget is making rock sandwiches and dreaming of having his hands in grandma JILFs (Jews I’d Like…)…so – do you miss the Zuk?

RD: I gotta say, for all we like to make fun of the little guy, he definitely made my first CAC experience a really good one.  Not to say I wouldn’t be back regardless, and even though we routinely waited an entire week for write ups, because the little bitch was studying for a test that he would inevitably get a 98 on, he did do a hell of a job.  The new ref Brian seems like a good guy, and I’m sure he’ll do a fine job, but the tag team efforts of BFab and JZuk on the coed world…God, that sounds awful doesn’t it?…really made the league work.  Both of you guys on the boards, getting people involved, you may hate to hear this, but you and him made a good team.  Yeah, not that we lack comic relief in this league, but who brings it likeZukerman?

BFab: Last question – (the audience is already saying “hopefully!”).

Give the readers what they have been waiting for…I want your best weekend Sports Flash incorporating a night of games playing Co-Ed.  Feel free to absolutely abuse people or do it straight up and I guess we will imagine your crystal clear radio-face tossing it out.  So four-five games – with one major game of the week flash call…maybe last season’s championship 🙂

RD: Haha I think I’d rather do the coed wrap up with the finals preview haha…I don’t have exact scores or stats so I guess I’d have to make them up.

BFab: (in my best radio voice) Your exclusive online home for Boston’s Best Co-Ed Basketball…Sports Bloggin 101 WCAC Cambridge – Rec Basketball League Leader – now the WCAC Tommy’ Doyle’s Sports Flash.  Home of the Tommy Point! (cue music):

RD: Boy Wonder and the Wheels of Steel ran out of steam in the CAC semi finals, falling to 3 seed Genzyme at Winter Hill, 57-48.  The Legs and the Mouth combined for 38 points and 30 rebounds.  Adam Biehler logged his 48th consecutive double-double with 24 points and 14 rebounds and literally ran for the entire 44 minutes of the game.  Keith Schofield added 14 points, 16 boards and told 4 of the starting 5 on Wheels of Steel that they either could not talk to him or could not guard him, tying a season high.

Boy Wonder Monroe and Tristan Mouligne…scored 47.5 of the team’s 48 points in a losing effort.  Genzyme was very business like after the game with a championship bout ahead.  There was little celebration from any of the 17 players, 10 of which never entered the game and one referee on the roster.

In the other semi-final, Game…Blouses survived a triple OT 82-78 thriller over the Weapons of Mass Seduction despite losing L-Boogie to an ankle sprain early in the first half.  Mike Reddick scored a game high 28 while complaining about a season low 7 calls from BFab, only to be outdone by Harry Smith and his 19 complaints.

Mass Seduction seemed to have the game locked up in the closing seconds with a one-point lead, but a foul just inside half court by Heather Charlene put Dave Celli, on the line where he made one of three to send the game to overtime.  Nate Brigham put the game away in the third overtime with a big offensive rebound, his 42nd of the game followed by a couple of free throws after captain Rory Duyon tried to give it away Nick Anderson style with 4 misses in the extra frames.

This sets up a championship between Genzyme and the undefeated Blouses next Wednesday at the King School, a 7:00 tip off, but tune at 6 for the Herb Chambers Lexus Pre Game Show, Herb Chambers Lexus with Locations, in Boston, Westfield and Seekonk, we’ve got it at Herb Chambers.com.

Want CAC scores and news updates sent to your phone via text message alert?  Text BFABSUX to 12345.  Hour number 2 with Duyon and the Jackhole on the way, I’m Rory Duyon, and THATS YOUR SPORTSFLASH!!!


BFab: Absolutely fantastic way to end this…and really what everyone has bee waiting for…a snapshot of Rory’s realSportsFlash work for 850 WEEI.  Listen (click here) to Rory basically jinx every sports figure in the news the next six months including the Celtics, Tim Wakefield, Stephen Strasberg, Amare Stoudamire, Dan Gilbert, and Vincent Jackson.  Herb Chambers owes you some dough…

And I’m only agreeing to the ‘Duyon and Jackhole’ show if we follow “Oxygen Tanks for Snacks” with Tibbs and Boozer. Jackhole is perfect for prime time drive time listening…