Fun With Rory And Jane!!

Originally Posted
2011-12-16

An Exclusive One-on-One With CAC Coed Legend Steph Baran aka Jane Stockton

Growing up in New Hampshire as a lifelong Boston fan, I suppose this isn’t a good thing, but two summers in a row I fell in love with a Yankees fan.  Yeah sure, there was my girlfriend, Amanda last summer.  She’s cool and everything (she’s going to kill me for this by the way), but she wasn’t the first…the previous summer I met a Jersey girl named Steph on the basketball courts at the Devotion Playground in the Dizzy Llama Summer Basketball League.  It was love at the first three-ball she hit in my eye.

Two and a half years, and one kick-ass nickname later, Jane Stockton and I are still besties and she’s still dropping buckets like its going out of style (but now it’s in the CAC girls and co-ed ranks).  Easily one of the most well liked players in any of the leagues, I figured it was long overdue that the rest of CAC nation find out who this girl is…and if you don’t know, now you’re gonna know…person.

KEY:  Duyon in plain type, Stockton in bold

Jane Stockton!!  CAC Legend!!  Thanks for agreeing to this interview.  It’s a well known fact that you’ve already turned down tons of other requests…Bob Costas, Jeremy Schapp, Matt Lauer, Ryan Seacrest…I feel privileged to be the first to gain all-access in this exclusive peak into your life.  It’s also a well known fact that if you weren’t happily married, Dave Celli and I would be killing one another to earn your affection.  Amanda and Sara both thank you very much for settling down.

RoDeezy!!! CAC Player/Statistician Extraordinaire!!!  How could I deny my beloved ex-Blouses captain and B.F.F. a little one-on-one time towards keeping the Coed-ers entertained this off season???  Costas is a loser, I don’t know who Jeremy Schapp is and Seacrest is little b!tch… I only have time for Duyon!

Yes, happily married indeed… yet there’s always room for some Celli and Rory lovin’ (sorry Sara and Amanda, but true love is true love!).  And just for the record, I also have time for loving on any JLAIers.  I mean, have you seen Forthreezi with his shirt off?????  Good Lord!

So, RoDeez … what’s up?

And we’re off to a roaring start!!!  What’s up?  Sadly not too much because we were both bounced early in the CAC Madness Tournament, but I suppose you win some and you lose some.  It makes sense to rewind a little bit.  How the hell were we so lucky to be graced with your presence all the way from the home of Springsteen, Bon Jovi and the trashiest MTV reality show that I can’t get enough of?  (Don’t judge me)  What brought you to Boston and more importantly what brought you to the Llama summer league where we met?

Sadly, yeah…not too much is going on because WOMS and JLAI joined the ranks of CAC Underachievers’ this season by getting bounced out in Round Two of the tourney.  But there’s always next season… right Tommy and Tibbs??

I ended up in Beantown after finishing up my undergrad in Burlington, VT (shout out L-Mac!).  My lovely lady and I wanted to move to a city, and Boston was the closest one without having to become a Canuck – so here we are!  I thought I would hate it here.  I grew up 35 mins outside of NYC and figured that no city could every compare, but this city’s got charm and I think I’m a lifer!… nothing against Canucks by the way

I hooked up with the Llamas through dodgeball.  Which reminds me, I also always have time for lovin’ on some Keith Kantor too.  I played a few seasons with them until I pretty much couldn’t thrown anymore due to a nagging shoulder injury.  (Fun fact:  never dive into a lake with a life vest on).  Yet, still trying to be all the Llama I could be, I joined their basketball program that summer and met some future teammates that will forever hold a special place in my heart:  Celli, Nibs, L$, and you!

On the bright side, it seems like the life vest must have at least done it’s job!

Yup, life vests are great, but learning their function to keep your head ABOVE water the hard way is definitely not great! 

I’m glad to hear you have nothing against us Canucks (all 1/8th of me).  So you’ve played in three CAC co-ed championships in five seasons (two with Game…Blouses, both losses and a win with Just Look At It).  What’s been the secret to your success?

Wow – three CAC co-ed Championships in five seasons?  That’s kinda crazy!  I think it’s obvious what the secret to my success has been … Matty A and Nate-Dogg!  I heart those two BIG TIME!  They are super high on my all-time favorite teammates list.  And having played close to 100 games with the both of them definitely helps towards our success rate.   

What about that championship win?  Having been fortunate enough to win a co-ed crown as well, I know it must have been special to you.  Unfortunately I missed the game and there’s no documentation of it actually happening, but I heard Matt Monroe’s jersey ripped off.  That must have been exciting.

I’m sorry … did you say a Championship win?  JLAI won?!  When did THAT happen!?!?

Haha … I kid (actually, I’m not kidding at all).  Winning the Spring 2011 Coed Crown was pretty sweet, especially after starting out 0-3.  We were pretty much the CAC Underdogs for an entire summer.  It’s definitely special, and I really wouldn’t have wanted to win it with any other group (I half apologize to you and Celli for that last remark – but you already won one without any of your other Blouses!). 

I also really love the way the CAC showers league champs with accolades… it’s what makes the CAC leagues superior to all the rest, really.  Having said that, I can’t wait to see the video footage from the game Tibbs promised (because not only was the game a GREAT one, but Monroe went full on Superman to save a ball going out of bounds and tore one of the shoulders of his jersey – which kinda made him look like he was at a toga party – and I can’t wait to wear my CAC S11 CHAMPS long-sleeved tee … and I can’t wait for the day P-Mills will finally give up those coveted Uni Stats.  All I want for Christmas are ALL those things!  C’mon boys, make it happen!

I don’t think that’s too much to ask, though I must tread lightly here.  P-Mills and I recently mended the fence.  We give him a hard time, but he means well.  Hell both you and I got in touch with our Llama side in substitution roles this season.  Let’s just say that hopefully we get a look at the numbers soon.

Switching gears, I have to say I’m really happy that you and I will be forever linked in history.  People often ask where you were when certain historical events occurred.  You and I were together, playing in the Llama Summer League when we found out that Michael Jackson had passed away!!  Give me your top 3 MJ songs…feel free to go top 5 if you can’t narrow it down!!

Ahhhh, yes THE…Uni Game stats.  I’m glad you two recently mended the fence.  Would you tell him my fence has a latch or two loose?  I love the kid, and love to gently rib him at every chance I can get… he knows this. 

We WERE together when MJ died … so sad!!!  I can remember that moment so clearly – crazy!!  And I was supposed to play a basketball game after learning that?!?!  Rough day!

Top five MJ songs?  EASY. 

Number Five: It’s fitting to slide a Jackson 5 song in here.  Hands down ‘I Want You Back’ … how can you listen to this song and not smile/belt along???

Number Four:  JAM!!!  Fitting, right?  You like how I did that? 

Number Three:  Smooth Criminal… because my body just can’t help but shake along to that bass line!

Number Two:  Dirty Diana… I think this one’s in the ranks for the song/video combo … MJ pulled off his inner Marilyn Monroe quite well in that one. 

And Number One:  Because it’s not just the best song of all time, but it’s also the most awkward to love due to MJ’s legal history:  P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing)!

(Sidenote…I consider myself a fan of Michael Jackson’s music, so I’m embarassed and ashamed had COMPLETELY forgotten about the song “Jam”.  I watched the music video last night and loved every second of it…but when I realized that two thirds of the main figures in the video are now dead and the other currently has a Hitler ‘stache it made me pretty sad.  RIP to Michael and Heavy.  Hopefully MJ loses the stache or grows out a real one very soon.)

Wow, I know YOU’RE the one being interviewed, but I’ve gotta weigh in here.  Classics indeed, though I might go a slightly different route.  Dirty Diana is a great and underappreciated MJ song, but it’s not in my top 5.  5- Man In The Mirror,  4- PYT, 3- Rock With You, 2- Don’t Stop Til You Get Enough, 1- I Want You Back (honorable mention for Lady In My Life and You Rock My World)

Don’t Stop Til You Get Enough – Crap!  I forgot about that one.  Oh, well.  2/5 for us ain’t too bad … I mean, how big is his catalog?

You’ve been lucky to play with some of the great coed personalities ever to grace the CAC.  Among them, possibly at the top of the list is Nibs The Baller!!  Give me your favorite Nibs moment, and maybe spit a couple bars of free style for the all time leading coed scorer? (1,208 points and counting)

I HAVE been lucky enough to play with some of the great CAC personalities to date.  And let us not forget how we started off in this league with JZuk behind the table and BFab behind the whistle.  Not to slight anyone at the CAC, but those guys are truly missed!

Nibs is absolutely on the top of the list.  They guy just walks around with his party hat on, and he’s got the biggest heart – ever. 

Alright, I’ll spit a few verses in honor of my boy Nibs.  Pretend I just hit off a ghost weed blunt … check my ad-lib:

 

Okay if Nibs is on the court then just throw him the rock

Got the scrawny legs, but he moves just like Jane Stock

On D, he’s futile, but he’s worth your while

One hundred percent Coed legend with style

 

His random flair weekly sizzles our retinas

The total sleeves the Baller has collected? Ummmmmm

Well it’s kinda simple, no one really knows

But try to match him and you’ll be standing on your own

 

CAC rule number four thousand and eighty

Denying Nibs his numbers is shayyyyyyydeeee

The kid loves his stats ’cause his numbers gotta stack

Don’t doubt me, look at how I rap

 

But off to better things like the Madness Tourney

Props to BOOM and Llamas for running and gunning

And the Llamas!  Who’d you say won?? The Llamas

The Llamas are top … no longer Coed flops.

 

I may have to start a second career. 

‘Cause she SPITS HOT FIRE!!!  You on point Nibs?  All the time, Steph.  You on point NIbs?  Yeah, all the time Steph!!!

That. Was. GOLD.  I love me some Tribe Called Quest.  Nibs will be proud of that one.  You mentioned J-Zuk a little while ago and he gave you probably the best CAC nickname ever.  What’s it like being “Jane Stockton”?

Having a certified JZuk nickname within any league in the CAC is an honor, but having one within the Coed league is truly something special.  The Coed ladies sometimes have to settle for playing second fiddle to the talent and the egos of some of the men – which I think is just the nature of a Coed basketball league.  I learned very quickly that trying to drive in the paint against a 6 foot dude was just NOT going to end well for me, so I had to make adjustments to my game and contribute in other ways.  From this, JZuk saw something in me even I didn’t know I had – Jane Stockton!  It’s been a challenge to live up to such an awesome CAC moniker, but I’m sure playing D1 basketball has helped me a little bit (wink, wink). 

Ahhhh yes we may be besties, but Red Sox/Yankees isn’t the only rivalry where we clash.  You went to Siena, and I’m a Fairfield Stag through and through.  How would you describe your D-1 hoop experience under Gina Castelli with the Siena Saints?

Wanna pretend we’re Kornheiser and Wilbon and play “What’s the Word?”… Steph Baran’s tenure at Siena… MOMENTARY.  I lasted 11 months.  Turns out its extremely hard work to be a 5’3″ shooting guard in Division 1 Women’s Basketball!  I was recruited as a shooting guard, got to Siena, and Castelli wanted me to learn the point.  So you could say I was a bit resistant.  Castelli wasn’t my biggest fan, and I wasn’t hers.  Boy did we have it out at times.  It wasn’t a match made in heaven like you and I, RoDeez. 

But it was an awesome experience, I can’t deny that.  We missed the Big Dance by two free throws and lost to St. Peter’s in the MAAC Championships 54-52.  Won the first game of the Women’s NIT against Georgetown and traveled out to Madison to play Wisconsin and got hammered.  You know the movie Hoosiers?  My last experience in D-1 basketball was playing a game much like the final game from that movie (not the outcome, but the atmosphere).  Can’t be mad at that!

All in all, would I have done it again?  Chosen Siena?  No.  I probably could’ve had a much better experience in a D-2 program.  Dangling a free ride in your face at age 17 is a tough decision to make.  And for me, I made the wrong one.  But no hard feelings from my end!  If I ran into Castelli on the street today, I’d ask if I could buy her a drink… and then order her a prairie dog.  Wink wink.

From great nicknames to awful nicknames, the MAAC Conference Tournament will be held in Springfield this year, even though not a single one of the ten schools in the conference hail from the Commonwealth.  The slogan for the tournament is “The Road To MAAC-achusetts”.  Is that awful or what?

Seriously, how is the MAAC supposed to be taken seriously with a slogan like that?!?!?  Who’s in charge of their PR?  They should be fired. 

“Momentary” exceeds the amount of D-1 playing time that I or most of the people who read this blog have ever received!!  You went on to play some great basketball after Siena.  Aside from your JLAI championship (a clear number one I would imagine), what is your favorite or most satisfying win or performance?

RoDeez, you know me as well as anyone, so you know that putting up big numbers and making this game an individualized one is something I just don’t have the capacity to do.  So trying to think of a satisfying personal performance isn’t possible.  Yet, I have been on the court to witness some STELLAR performances from teammates.  There was the time Alleigh Marré hit two HUGE free throws to clinch a win and give 2Y4YB their only regular season loss WITH A DISLOCATED WRIST.  Or the countless times Kelsey and Megs have just OWNED the post during games; most notably against Wheels Of Steel in the Uni Finals.  Or what about that time my teammate NAILED a three to give the eventual champs – Mike and Becky – their only loss in the last 2v2 Tourney… wait… who hit that shot?  Oh, right… DUYON!!!!!!!!!!!

As far as games go though, the JLAI Championship win is the clear number one most satisfying game played for the CAC so far.  The second one is HANDS DOWN the triple overtime marathon against WOMS in the Spring of 2010.  That game was nuts… and I’m not sure if you remember this bit or not, but L$ went out of the game with about 12 minutes left in the first half with a sprained ankle.  This meant I had to play the rest of the game and all three overtimes without a break, because it was back in the days when the rule was only one lady on the court. Finally Tibbs got something right and upped it to two!

I hate to do this to you, because I know you’re going to disagree, but I don’t think Game…Blouses really won that game.  Time definitely expired before Celli got that shot off.  I was standing next to the scorers table and was watching the time.  Why didn’t I say anything then?  Because I don’t get paid to make those calls!  I think JZuk and BFab awarded Celli the three free throws to penalize Heather for committing the ONLY foul you should NEVER give in a game… the foul on a player who’s 30 feet from the hoop throwing up a prayer in the last seconds!!!  WOMS won that game fairly in regulation … and we REALLY lucked out by winning in the third overtime.  Karma kind of got the best of us though … losing to Genzyme in the finals was a tough pill to swallow. 

I can’t be mad at you for the honesty!!  I won’t disagree, because I said back then and will still say that I didn’t see the clock.  I will say this though…I think you’re being generous saying that Celli was only 30 feet from the basket when he launched that prayer.  (note to the readers…Celli went to the line for three shots and no time on the clock needing one to tie and two to win.  He missed the first, made the second, missed the third)

In any event, it was an amazing game, that I was thrilled to be a part of!!  This has gone on for quite a while and I’m sure we could keep this up for days, so lets finish this bad larry off with some quick hits…a little word association if you will.

Let’s do it!

I’ve got 8 of them

Look at you!  8 is my favorite number

Bob The Ref

Hahahahahahahaha

Putting you on the spot, I know.  I started with a tough one

You did!  Great ass in those short shorts!

L$ (Lauren Rappoli for those of you who don’t know)

Awwww, the team that got away

Dizzy Llamas

Dunior Larsity

Hah!!  B-Fab

The cuddliest “jackhole” I ever did know

I’ll take your word for it.  Game…Blouses

The team that paved the way to make Coed what it is today

AGREED!!  Tibbs will say the J-Shore franchise, but no matter what he says I don’t think there would be a J-Shore franchise without us!!  I got three more for you and they all have to do with your home state of New Jersey…pumping gas

Haha provides thousands of illegals free health care!  That answer isn’t very democratic of me, but it’s the first thing that came to mind!

I just think it’s funny that it’s illegal to pump your own gas there

I can’t believe you went there!  You do your research!

Bruce Springsteen

Reminds me of the SECOND best song ever (after PYT), “Jersey Girl”…that and summers on the shore

Perfect segway into the last one…The Jersey Shore!!  (The TV show)

I had a feeling this would be the last one!!  It’s a f***ing addicting disgrace, but I loves me some Snooki!

I want somebody to punch her in the face.  You are an amazing interview.  It saddens me to wrap this thing up, but do you have any final words to leave with the readers??

Have a fantastic holiday season! My predictions for the 2012 Coed Seasons… Lauren Kelley will win a second FMVP (she thinks I’m nice for this).  Child, Please will make it to at least 2 Coed Finals.  JLAI will blow everyone’s minds AGAIN by winning in the Summer.  Raindance will avenge their tourney loss.  Rory will continue to SHINE behind the bench.  Swecker will return and lead MonStars into the THIRD round.  TJ will have a 20 point game… and the Sunset will have Wednesday night karaoke once again!!!!!!

Ladies and gentlemen, the one…the only…Jane Stockton…Merry Christmas and a safe and happy new year to all!!!