Happy Prostitution Day!!! (Present this blog to your local lady of the night and receive a free monopoly ìget out of jail freeî card.)
Oh, excuse me. I meant Happy Valentines Day. However, I believe Prostitution Day would be a more appropriate title. I only write this blog in response to my recent criticism to tell you all that I am no different from you. Sure I may be a tad more immature, I may have less money and may have had a few more trips to the free clinic than you, but just the same I propose my affinity for the women who work in the worldís oldest profession is no different from your ìdatingî mentality. Some of you have called me a lothario (obviously they donít know me well enough). Others have called me chauvinistic. Others have called the cops on me. (Talk about wrong corner at the wrong time.) But I really pose this question to all you non-prostitute seekers:
You donít think you are paying sex just because you didnít find her on a corner or through a business card?
People of CAC lend me your ears! I come to bury dating, not praise it!!!
1. So let me get this straight. You meet a girl and ask her to go out on date. Now unless you are Ned Flanders, you are expecting this date will lead to bumpiní fuglies by the end of the night or at least in the near future, No? So what do you have to do? Letís keep it simple: You pay for dinner and drinks, which could amount to about $100. Assuming you even close on the first date, you just spent $100 on something you can get for half the price. Just imagine how much money you got to spend if sheís one of those Oprah, Dr. Phil, Burn her braw ìI donít sleep with anyone on the first dateî types. So now you are sitting through a couple dinners listening to God knows what. Have you talked to women lately? They want you to listen to them no matter what they are saying. HIGH MAINTENANCE.
2. Ok so you donít typically date, but this is Valentineís day. Youíre a loser if you donít have a date. Yeah, Iíve gotten this impression from society too people, but guess what, if society jumped off a bridge would you? So maybe you are the wine and dine type and will be paying for a dinner and a movie this V Day. So let me get this straight, you pay for dinner and drinks and THEN you pay to sit through ìHeís Just Not That In To Youî? Am I taking crazy pills or something? Paying for dinner, drinks, and a movie is one thing, but if you got to sit through a chick flick that adds up to at least another $100 right there on top of everything else. Are you Charlie Rockafella or something?
Who is the fool now: The man who cuts to the chase and runs the risk of Bostonís finest and HIV or the idiots blowing their life savings on prostitutes in disguise? Yeah, thatís what I thought. I am a genius.
So Singles Unite tomorrow! I am assembling a group of merry singles tomorrow at the Joshua Tree in Davis Square, 9PM. It is just another night to us. You couples and daters cannot hold us down.
And in close I want you all to know that I am not the only one who supports the worldís oldest profession. One of the wisest men of all time use to frequent the brothels in ancient Greece. His name was Socrates, maybe you heard of him. A reporter once asked him why a man of his stature would prefer prostitutes when he could get any girl he wanted (the resemblance to me is uncanny.) Socrates told the reporter, ìJimmy, Iím not paying her for sex, Iím paying her to leave after.î Poetic. I wouldnít expect any less.
(Please if anyone knows anyone who needs a date for tomorrow please email me or call me ASAP. At this point guy or girl I donít care. I donít want to be alone anymore!!!)