Trivial Calamities, Stupid People and other of life’s foibles
I’m fairly quick to anger. Not, “I’m going to punch you in the face” or “I’m insulted, I must avenge my honor” type anger, but more of a “seething, wtf are people thinking, how can they be so f*(%ing stupid” anger that I mostly keep to myself.
Well guess what, I’m no longer going to keep it to myself. I’m going to let all that out on you about once a week. If I had a therapist I’m sure he’d say that it’s healthy for me to get it out. I will try to be as unfunny as I usually am while pointing out absurdity.
In the first installation of ‘Holy Sh!t What a Debacle’ I take a look at Terra Nova, which is supposed to be the most expensive sci-fi series ever produced. Of course, it’s produced by Fox, which means I’m going to punch a sh!t ton of holes in it. Or myself, for even thinking about the show this much. Probably both.
If you know my reading habits (thank god most of you don’t) you know I’m big into the sci-fi (for the love of christ, the rename of sci-fi to syfy was the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard of, that’s the seething before the seething, if you will), so at first I was excited about the new Fox show Terra Nova, now however, I am not.
Let me break it down for you.
1) Ordinary Family – One of the tag-lines of the show is
“Follow an ordinary family on an incredible journey back in time to prehistoric Earth as a small part of a daring experiment to save the human race.” Now, if this experiment is truly meant to save the human race, why oh why are you sending an ordinary family?!? It’s the year 2149, you should have genetic testing that can pinpoint the desired genetic codes you’d like to repopulate. You should be sending back individuals with certain skills (survival, technological, economical, linguistic, etc etc) not the first middle class family that saw your sign-up sheet and thought
“Man I’m in crippling debt and would like to start over without declaring bankruptcy. That can’t follow me 85 Million Years into the past, can it?”
2) 85 Million Years – If your goal is to re-boot the human race, why are you sending us 85 Million Years into the past? Yes, that is such a focal point of the show I’m going to captalize it every single time. I’m all for saving the human race, but do you know how much we, as a species, could evolve in 85 Million Years? Unrecognizable lifeforms would roam the earth in 2149, assuming we survived that long (see below) and that’s before I get to my biggest gripe with sci-fi shows
3) Calamity – See what I did there? Clearly this show is just an excuse to bring dinosaurs back onto the little screen. I’m all for CGI’d dinosaurs, but keep them on the History Channel please. The executive producers should have hit the history books a bit before coming up with this concept. Between 85 Million Years ago and now, there are a lot of things that the human race will have to survive to ever get to 2149 again.
3a) Extinction – Dinosaurs couldn’t survive whatever the hell wiped them out (meteors, earthquakes, famine, flood etc), how the hell is the human race supposed to? That’s not to take into account whatever plagues, famines and earthquakes of a still developing planet throws at the human race.
3b) Ice Age – If, for whatever reason, we survive the first series of catostrapic event thats hit the planet, we’ve got a couple Ice Ages to survive as well! Great planning scientists of 2149.
Obviously this show is going to canceled before they can fast forward 20 million years and possibly explain to us how we could survive all that and I’m ok with that.Why couldn’t they just have dropped us off a solid 30,000 years ago and be done with it? Still far-fetched (god I hate time travel, can’t we just have warp speed to explore space?) but more ‘realistic’ in terms of building a better human society.
3c) War – Let’s face it, human kind hates each other. We can barely survive 15,000 years without destroying ourselves, we’re supposed to believe we’ll last 5,667 times LONGER than that? Doubt it, first guy with an automatic weapon that doesn’t get his way, wins.
4) Diversity – really Fox, 95% of the people you’re sending back are white? God I hate you.
Sure I’m might just be a grumpy old man at this point but god damn that’s a lot of plot holes that makes me not want to watch a single second of that show. Yes, I can judge it just on the promos. I hope it gets cancelled faster than Caprica.
Enough things piss me off that this will be a weekly (at least) feature. Love it? Hate it? As usual, let me know (and give me mailbag material) by emailing CACBasketball@gmail.com