L.N.O. March 28th, Tommy Doyle’s Harvard Square

Serge Submitted the Idea, I finish it Off

Are you convinced that the Refs at C.A.C. are harboring some grudge against you or your team?? Do you think the scorekeeper is sleeping through your game and not noticing all your sick assists and deft steals?? Well Serge and I have put our heads together to come up with an official list of how to bribe said C.A.C. employees at League Night Out Saturday the 28th at the Tommy Doyleís in Harvard Square.

 

How to bribe the refs that usually show to LNO:
DMAC: Corona and lime
Wolverine: Sapphire and Tonic
Preston: Heineken, preferably the mini-kegs
Ceddy: who cares, he should get us drinks
O’Cal: Corona (or anything free, someone that lives in their parents basement can’t afford to be picky)
Gallagher brothers: They never show, bet they think they are too good to drink with us?
How to bribe stat keepers:
Tibbs: Car Bombs, Greg Goose shots, RedBull Vodka, Beer, you get the idea anything (as long as it is free)
Gripp: Vodka and Soda Water
Jillian: Margaritas (really Serge, that’s the best you could come up with?? You KNOW it’s Guiness all the way, right?)
O’Cal: Corona (or anything free, someone that lives in their parents basement can’t afford to be picky)
Gerrity
: Anything in shot form
Terry
: Anything in shot form
Serge
: Vodka Tonic
Billy D
: I don’t know, he’s too quiet of a cat, someone get him hammered this weekend!
BFab
: Just compliment him on what a GREAT job he’s doing running the Evil Empire.  That’s enough to pad the assist totals for a season.
Abby G
: Let her know how awesome her beloved is and buy HIM a carbomb, that scores points.
Jamil: Beer Only Please! And if he’s had 4, don’t bother, he’ll be leaving soon.  Also, I want to know how Jamil already makes this list, heís only a part timer this season and wonít start until next.  Serge is showing way too much respect here!

 

Serge: And there you have it, a handy dandy cheat sheet to kiss ass to all the amazing CAC staffers.  Things used to be a lot easier when DMac was the only ref and OíCal did the stats.  He really appreciated the drinks since he was 16 at the time (and he still looks the same) and Filosa used to tape an excel spreadsheet to the wall with the stats, just points, rebounds, and assists, did I mention people used to be paid in free Gatorade?  There was none of this fancy shit that is going on now FT/3pt %.  If you wanted to keep track of your free throws you had to do it yourself.  The schedule was on a barley legible photocopy stuck in a folder outside the court.

Also people used to know how to drink.  Almost the whole league used to show for LNO and stay until last call.  This time both the 3on3 and the LNO are for charity, so I hope to see a lot of people there.  Donít be like Junk and leave at 9pm

Tibbs: I resemble that remark!! Besides, I’m STILL getting paid in Gatorade, they’re directly deposited to my sovereign account.  I will agree that all the new guys are way too spoiled.  They didn’t go through the growing pains or the constantly messed up scheduling (think you’re confused now when a game time changes, you have NO idea!) and hell, they even have a 5v5 league!  I remember when it was Wall Ball or bust!!  Now I’m doing people favors, arranging game times and locations, well it’s time for you all to return the favor and scratch my back! I’m not even paying for the cab ride home (sorry Gripp).

Get yourself to Tommy Doyles in Harvard Square tomorrow night the 28th!!

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