Bring’em out, bring’em out…
With LNO just around the corner, I thought Iíd take the time to throw out some gambling lines on what should be another fantastic evening. I know youíve been bombarded with this already, but itís Friday October 12 for those that donít know. Iíll be taking wagers all week leading up to the main event, and hey, the vig is only at 15%; and you know, will go towards getting a stool for the scoreboards.
Number of CAC Women in Attendance – 11
The last LNO http://youtube.com/watch?v=v1IJfxYHwB8&mode=user&search= had a record number of the Women Ballers representing, and as proven by the video, support our leagues and midget refs to the fullest. But there is no way we can replicate that again, is there? I know itís been a while since the last one, so they have no excuse not to come out in numbers and enjoy the evening. Although JBerr wonít enjoy sharing the spotlight, I have a feeling sheís going to have to.
Number of ‘New’ Guys Hanging Out – 9
Every LNO has a bunch of guys that havenít hung out make their debut in CAC society by showing up and making a great impression. As has been stated elsewhere, itís always amusing to yuk it up with a bunch of dudes youíve only bitched at for fouling you on consecutive possessions. Everyone has been spreading the word, and the week leading up to LNO is when the refs and score keepers always remind the new guys, so letís get a record turnout.
Number of Times the Local Hero Spews Incomprehensible Gibberish – 15
Does anyone really ever understand anything he says? The last time I was on a drinking binge with Finn was early in the summer, when we tested the stores of tequila at the Cactus Club. By drink 3 I could barely comprehend what he said, much less translate his phrases to English. I know Iím not the only one who feels that way.
The Hitman Gets in Trouble with the Camera – 10:11 PM
Seriously, he should have had the camera pulled from him the last time around. But this time, I can almost guarantee that he gets it yanked or gets ëaskedí to delete a certain piece of footage. This will be the earliest it happens, but you know it wonít be the last.
Wolverine Makes his Grand Entrance – 11:35 PM
Filosa has made a habit of very late arrivals, so this should be right in his eveningís timetable. He just wants to make sure heís the center of attention by the time he gets there. Nothing like a bunch of wasted people offering to buy you drinks when you’re already hammered. Lucky Mo’Fu’
Tibbs Gets Dragged Out of the Greatest Bar – 12:25 AM
Look, I havenít made it to last call at a single one of these events, and Iíve blacked-out at all but one. But this time around…ok, Iím not gonna lie, Iíll be drinking all day again. That being said, if I make it past midnight I will genuinely be surprised. Whoís got money on Junk!?!
The highly coveted Most Wasted Award is always up for grabs, but every time out thereís a few favorites going in and always some dangerous underdogs. The young bucks tend to be the favorite, but big winnings can be had on some of those guys that are long in the tooth. For those of you who think itís childish, well it is, so sue me. Seriously, can we get a trophy for this award?? It’s at least as highly coveted as any of the trophies that our leagues give out. It’s about time for something to represent MWA.
Tibbs 3-1 Seeing as this is the last time Iíll be able to claim “I’m 23 like that” at LNO Iím going for it. Nothing is going to stop me. And if you’re all buying me drinks, I’ll be on point, plus, I’m going to pickup in the am.
O’Cal 4-1 Heís allegedly not contending for the title anymore, but I donít believe that for an instant. With all the Ladies in attendance, and he striking out so often, expect big, drunk things from everyone’s favorite Stallion.
Sergeon General 11-2 I wouldnít put anything past Serge, so shooting for an MWA is only the first step in his master plan to rule CAC this Winter.
Trevor 7-1 No idea if heís even going to show up, but the last time TMac was out, he got the boot from the Warren Tavern. Definitely a dark horse to watch out for, and if he shows, heís going to be in the running.
OD 9-1 Sure heís the oldest guy on the list, but for anyone whoís ever even had a sip of alcohol with OD, you know youíre in for a long night.
MixTape 12-1 Usually heís a prohibitive favorite, but he has to stick around past 10:30 to be eligible for bettors to collect. Translation: He’s a long shot.
Macho Man 15-1 We all know the Macho Man gets angry when he drinks a lot, so if heís yelling, spewing obscenities, and making wild hand-gestures, you know heís a player for the MWA; plus heís a lightweight and wonít be able to handle more than a few drinks..
JBerr 25-1 Usually the ladies are very well behaved and put together, but never underestimate the power of glow in the dark turtles.
Wolverine 30-1 I think heís officially hung it up, besides, what fun is showing up already hammered? WaitÖ
Erin ;Magic’ Johnson 50-1 Sheís been rather conservative when drinking out in public with the CAC contingent, but so many of the faithful want to see her actually drunk, that they may get their wish.
Commish 100-1 Itís just not gonna happen, he has to be home by 10:30.