Mailbag V


Itís been nearly two months since the last Mailbag, and with the new email address now firmly implanted in everyoneís membrane, Iíve got some quality material to share.  Being between seasons, Iím starting to accumulate complaints and stories from a wider audience.  Despite Filosaís barbs at me in his New Yearís blog, Iíll willingly take the feedback (always negative) that the loyal reader has to offer.


Jared:  Damn, it was so cold todayÖ

Serge:  I wore long johns today (Thursday) under my work pants.  I was thinking about wearing them tomorrow.  But what if I get intimate?  Thatís not sexy

Iím not even sure where to go with this one, as Serge once again leaves me speachless.  I mean, who wonders aloud whether theyíll be getting ìintimateî on a Friday night.  Címon Serge, is that what youíre really worried about??


Tibbs…what are you doing RIGHT NOW?  Are these whereabouts updates in lieu of that “Tibbs Cam” promised to all C.A.C.ers for 2008?  And will it be facing you – a la Salem Witch – or will it be showing what you see? ~ The Local Hero

Just what every doesnít want to see, but would be too fascinated to turnoff.  With all of the Hitmanís video work, Iím shocked that the Commish isnít tabbing certain employees to star in their own reality show.  Of course, if he were to ever green-light OíCalís ëReal C.A.C.í idea, you know Iíd be the first to sign the waiver.


Could Serge end up with Majic AND JaySar?  Serge would be in heaven.  This can NOT happen under any circumstance.  You have to draft Jay or make a trade so someone else gets him.  Heíd be way to pleased with himself.ñ The Good King

Apparently AK thinks I have a lot more pull then I really do.  Even David Stern canít guarantee the Knick a #1 draft pick (or can he?), how am I to affect an entire couple of rounds?  The good news is, with my terrible play last season, OíCalís MVP, and Trevor joining the ranks of A1 captains, I should be picking no worse than seventh in the upcoming draft on 1/14/08. Meaning Iíll be able to single handedly dash the championship dreams of even better players come the post season.  And this time around, if Trevor canít get himself a Brick, heíll have no one to blame but himself.


I am delaying joining A1 league until this summer.  Due to inclement Boston weather during the winter, my NY resolution to get fat, and a new position at work, I’m reducing myself to one league for a season.  Expect a healthier, more focused J-Loh on my one night a week in the walls. ~ J-Loh

Really, once our hooks are into you, how do you turn down a second league?? I thought it was mandatory for all big name players to be in at least two?!  Apparently, J-Loh isnít at that level yetÖ.


Hey man – just a quick note – when you guys do the banner for this season, will you make sure my name gets on there right?  It’s spelled wrong on the website (“-burg instead of -berg”), which I don’t care about at all, but if it’s going up on the banner I’d like to get it right.  One championship and Iím already a prima donna.   This is definitely the beginning of what will be a VH1 True Hollywood Story in about 15 years. ~ Greenberg

I believe weíve already witnessed the rise and fall of Tical, and itís looking like Weapon X is next.  Filosaís favorite B player finally got his first championship, and had a shot at his second.  But judging by his reffing in that game, maybe, he doesnít like Greenberg that much at all.  Hopefully that game doesnít spark what could be Weapon Xís self destruct sequence.


We need a heckler is AK going to be there??? ~ MACHOOO!!!
Who will be there to yell MMMAAACCCCHHHOOOOO!  (maybe I’ll just do it mockingly throughout the game)  Also I debated keeping a running total of missed shots for Trevor and keep reminding him about it.  ~ AK
These three clipped emails get tossed together as the Rattling AK has taken heckling to an entirely new level the past few months.  Itís gotten to the point whereís he convinced me (albeit all it took was a beer or two down the hatch) to not so subtly reminded Trevor when heís having a poor shooting night.  And I do it to Mazzone just because I still donít like himÖ


Thank you Josh!  We’re not looking for a good/cop bad cop, you just may not have realized that despite how lady-like we all appear, we are fierce competitors and have a lot of pride and more than anything LOVE CAC!! This is really great! Thanks for being so flexible!  =) And thanks for stickin’ behind the ladies Tibby.  ~ JBerr

Somehow, JBerr knows thatís my favorite place to be.  Wait, this is a family website.  I mean, I just like to make sure that the Ladies are well represented and have a fair shot at the same advantages and privileges that the guys have.  Hell, the Womenís 5v5 was able to get off the ground before the B 5v5, who says they get no love??


Have a great holiday season and it was definitely fun playing with you [The Dukes] guys.  Don’t take anything I say personally on the court. I turn into a different type of monster out there. Trust me guys, I may seem like a jerk to you, but I was a lot harder on my players in college when I coached.  I will go into retirement for awhile or until the summer, I have to get my legs back. ~ Preacher

You gotta love the end of season emails that go out from A1 teammates to their team.  You never know whose team youíre going to land on before the season starts.  Some of you pray not to land on certain teams, but you never can control it.  For some reason, I was copied on this email, and despite pleading with the Preacher, he really is taking this season off.  The gym will be a whole lot quieter on Monday nights.


Vig: i know its probably nothing compared to your ankle, but my face is killing me today from that elbow

me:  yea those can be brutal, nothing a beer and the C’s won’t solve

Vig:  yeah, it didn’t hurt after the game, but trying to chew a sub for dinner like an hour latter was miserable.  I mean, wtf, people can take out my legs, punch me in the chest, whatever, but once it starts affecting my dinner, we got an issue

By now, if youíre not expecting a physical game at Wall Ball Arena, then you just havenít been paying attention over the last couple years.  I know exactly where Vig is coming from, as my beer belly is well crafted with many after game meals that are heavy on the beer.


A beer fridge as a Christmas present for the new CAC President may be in order.  Nothing wrong with charging new teams an extra 5 beans and you will have a stainless steel one up by the scorers table and I will retire on the spot to keep track of assists. ~ BFab

As second in command, I appointÖSee now, Fabry has the right line of thinking.  Of course a beer fridge would have been a great present.  This way I wouldnít need to worry about lugging a six pack to the gym every time I didnít have a game.  Really, what else do I need?? That water cooler is just taking up a valuable electrical outlet and real estate!


Holy clamballs.  The Nuggets went out to celebrate making the playoffs last night after the game and I was just about to send a company email getting the troops rallied for a big playoff audience next week.  Both dreams have now been shattered.  I say we get the mathematicians out of the way and settle this like men, tell Cock & Balls and Queentown Ballbags to meet us this weekend for winner take all round robin tourney ñ streetball styleÖYou have ruined the hopes and dreams of a 100 person company this morning.  I hope you sleep well Mr. Tibbs. ~ Burke

Wow, talk about a kick in the nuts.  The Nuggets thought they had a playoff seed wrapped up after a hard-fought, emotional win in the last week of the regular season, only to find out the next morning that they had, in fact, lost out due to tiebreakers.  Now I wonder who would have told them that they had the playoff spot wrapped up?  Surely not this jackassÖ


The entire Genzyme Corporation is pumped for a championship. ~ Mark Allyn

The exact opposite reaction from the email above, thought Iíd balance the upset with the content.  Youíve got to remember that Genzyme has had dozens of corporate teams and they just broke through with their first championship last season.  This season, they got their second and it has to be a great morale boost for the company.  Hopefully this leads to them putting a fourth team in our leagues in the near futureÖ


Given our flair for dramatics, our charm, wit, graces, and dare I say it, enviable court charisma, let’s just say the CAC wouldn’t be the same without us. And let’s face it; the LNO cannot survive without the Ladies of the CAC. (Okay, it can, but would be much less fun.)  ~ Abby G

If anyone has seen the shirts that Abby G rocks, be it on NYE or at LNO, then they will know exactly what she is talking about.  The Ladies of CAC sometimes feel underappreciated and unloved, so please, when given the chance, let them know how much the CAC needs them to keep things spicey.  But not you Macho.  You shouldnít be talking to any Ladies with your Blue Steel stareÖ

What consistency!  Same form, same result over and over and over again.  Not even Trevor or Tosti have attempted that many 3 pointers in that short a time period at C.A.C. ~ Greatest American Hero

One day, ripping on MixTape for his performance against Edwards in their 1v1 match-up will get old, but that day isnít coming anytime soon.  You know, itís funny because itís true.


I got snubbed!

Player GP Pts DReb OReb Ast Stl Blk Turn OPR DPR PR


MixTape 9 9.3 5.1 3.1 2.2 0.4 1.0 0.0 18.3 10.6 28.9


Mike Lappy 9 9.8 4.4 0.6 5.7 0.2 0.4 0.0 21.9 8.0 29.9

Hmmm…..just kidding, I had a few stinker games and was too hot and cold to be in the running anyway.  Plus, I’m a starter basically since AK subs me in after starting himself and running around for 3 minutes. ~ Lappy

Seeing as I vote on all awards by myself and not with a committee, thereís bound to be some squabbling and people who feel like they were definitely snubbed.  Occasionally, a player will take it into his own hands to stat check me on the accuracy of my decisions.  As for the Fifth Man of the Year Award, maybe Lappy has a point.  After all, he did lead his team in assists and post a better player rater while playing in a 6-man rotation (in the regular season, anyway) as opposed to 5.  Of course, we all know itís not all about the stats.  I think Lappy is more than happy with his consolation prize, A Brick, as opposed to being bounced in the opening round of the playoffs.


Random Fact Why I hate ***** the (B1) Ref

FT shooting
B1    4-6     (4 games)   1.5  FTApg
B2    23-28  (6 games)   4.67 FTApg

Scoring without FTs
B1   16.0 ppg
B2    9.8 ppg

Somehow I battle and get my way to the hoop a lot more in B2 despite scoring much less than in B1.  So if you look at 16 ppg and say I shoot 50% I am banging away at the hoop 17 times a game and get fouled only one of those times.  I am so bored today and love statistical analysis. ~ AK

Speaking of players digging into their own stats, AK went a tad over the deep end on this one.  But he does have a point about how all refs are different and you get different calls depending on the type of player you are.  Thatís a separate blog altogether.  And call me skeptical, but who shoots 50% from the floor in these leagues?  Anyone?  You know how we could solve this argument, by keeping shooting percentages.  No wait, that would just make my job more of a pain in the ass than it already is.


So I would like to announce the first intra-team CAC trade in the history of the league as we ship Lawson overseas to Australia for the rights to Mike Kmiec, cash from theAustralia consulate and a second round draft pick  – BFab

Genzyme once again makes an appearance in the Mailbag, as BFab is working on getting an old school CRFCer (Kmiec) back from an ill-advised hiatus.  In return, theyíve agreed to banish Lawson to their own version of the NBDL for a season until they can clear a roster spot for him.  Is Billet starting to dabble in front office decisions?


Jillian: did Slumpbuster go to Mazzy’s game?

me: Yea she did, we had lots of fans in attendance.

Jillian: Nice, yeah just wondering cause she ain’t home.

me: Lol, huge surprise.

Jillian: Ha, well usually he is here during the week, so it is KINDA surprising



Magic…that place is the ‘zza joint that Turin runs.  It’s a front.  Nothing Italian in there, I assure you.  The marinara in the pot ain’t red, if youíre sniffing the cut of my jib.  This is all CAC code…and all references point to an ugly, dark underbelly that never truly finds its way to the 3-on-3.  The Big Nice is so-named because of its avoidance of the secrets of scary people and dark places.  We keep it real…and clean…and nice.  You’re a welcomed addition. ~ Fizzle

I actually know what he’s talking about in this email for once.  There are a few stabs at Little Nasty in here somewhere, I can decipher that much.  Really heís just trying to sully our reputation even further.  But itís pointless, seeing as theyíve owned the last, say 10 match-ups and their beatdowns have delayed the Little Nasty Reunion Tour for yet another season.


You need to prioritize, beer first, then everything else.  It’s like your not even trying. ~ Majic

Yes, you’ve all seen it as my signature on the boards, but itís just my daily reminder to make sure I’ve got my priorities in order.  And since this thing was so long, No Links For You!