Master Debators

KAP vs. Tical (Top 5 NBA Centers This Season)

Good day loyal Corner readers…Today’s segment features a former Corner guest, and a true Debater, on and off the Floor.  Some time ago, Me and Kap began a conversation on the balcony that spilt over into a torrent gmail exchange.

Yeah, that’s right.  These are my top 5 Center’s this year and of course, its Kappa Don Approved, AKA, NON Negotiable.  

Ok, Kap, fire away…Can’t wait to see what kind of a list that 149 I.Q. of yours came up with.


1. Dwight, an obvious no brainer here.  Not that great of a scorer 1v1, but plays sick D and he is the best rebounder at his position.  I did the math too, he is exactly 1,324,400 times better than you!  Your move queen bee.

Way to start this thing off with some zing young buck.  Can you please speak up though?  It is hard to hear you when you are speaking with your head so far up your ass!!!

Superman is flying low, way low, on my list.  Don’t get me started on Dwight Howard.  He should not be #1 on anyone’s list because he’d rather fart at practice than win a Chip.  This man is the poster child for wasted talent.  This guy should be as feared as Bill Russell was, but he only decides to turn it on once every 5 games.  I know its hard playing for the WORST coach in the NBA, but c’mon now, he is not a winner.  Even you have won a championship!  I’d put him at #4.


2. Chris Bosh is my number two guy.  He pretty much starts at Center these days for Toronto.  The guy is a machine all around…could even be ahead of Dwight and is at least 1,102,000 times better than you.

You’re telling me this is the same guy who last March 1, a sixty-five year old Shaq dropped 45 on him?!?  Kap, PLEASE tell me you are joking!

Shaq summed it up better than I ever could with this quote, “I heard what Chris Bosh said, and that’s strong words coming from the RUPAUL of big men,” O’Neal said. “I’m going to do the same thing (in their next meeting) I did before – make him quit. Make ’em quit and complain. It’s what I do.”

No way I pick Bosh over Amare or Perk for that matter…Plain and simple.  Rupaul, excuse me, Chris Bosh does not crack my top 5.


3. Brook Lopez is next on my perfect list.  He’s young, and a really up- and-coming big man who can do it all.  He is the next Pau Gasol…maybe better.

Young and an “up and comer”?  What is this a profile?  The next Pau Gasol?  Does that mean he is going to be the best Center in the league with a vagina and an award for the 2009 llama look a like contest?

You are just jealous that Gasol can grow ugly facial hair and you are stuck using mom’s mascara if you want to look like an adult. 

Well, I guess you can speak some truth. (Tical vehemently rubs his face, erasing the Maybelline chin strap that he had spent all day drawing on, trying to make it look natural.)

Despite your flawed logic, I actually agree with you that he is in the top 5 this season.  The only problem with Brook Lopez is that he plays on the Nets.  However, if anyone wants to play the “diamond in the rough” card, it should be this guy.  How no one has tried to trade for this guy is beyond me.  I don’t know if he’s necessarily the third best Center in the league right now, but he will be a perennial top five every season after this, barring any injuries.

I got Brook at #5 this season


4. Amare Staudomire.  He may be an inconsistent player but has stepped up his game this season.  His shot blocking sucks and rebounding is inconsistent, but he’s an amazing athlete and can really score.

Give me Amare over Dwight Howard ANY day of the week this season.  Amare is the BEST scoring Center in the game right now.  His lack of defense would make him fit right in with the hacks down at CAC, but it is all because of the style of play employed by his coaches.  You put him on a team that needs him to play more D, he has the ability to do so.

I got Amare at #2 on my list


5. Finally, I got Andrew Bogut rounding out the list.  This spot is tough as several players could go here, but after watching this guy play a few games I had to put him here…Bogut is the vintage back to the basket players…he has tons of post moves and sneaky finesses shots that are really tough to stop…combine that with excellent rebounding skills, hands, and shot blocking ability, I gotta put him in the top 5 

Auzzie, Auzzie, Auzzie, Oy, Oy, Oy!  Young Buck, you may have something here.  Bogut and Brook Lopez suffer from the same symptoms that the 940pm games at CAC suffer from…no one ever sees them, so they are easy to forget.  Bogut has the potential to be very McHale esq…Can’t wait to see where his career takes him.

I got him #3 on my list.

Most importantly, you left off the Center having the best all around season this season…He is about 7” tall and plays in Boston.  Maybe you’ve heard of him.

You are such a Homer Homo its not even funny.  Ok, I will give you PERK is a beast defensively and although he bitches a lot, he is a great shot blocker and solid rebounder.  He also has a nice little fade away from 7 feet that is hard to guard.  I believe he’s the FG% leader too.  If this list went to a Top 10, he’d definitely be in it, but I cannot say he’s in my top 5.

Oh, its times like these that you make it clear that you know more about the pimples on Linehan’s ass than the game of hoops.  Check the stats, Perk eats up Dwight Howard every time they play.  You need a center to play defense, rebound and shoot at a high field goal percentage (Please note, depending on the team, a Center may need to score more.  On the Magic, Howard needs to score more than Perk on the C’s.)  This is the first season that Perk has been more consistent than Dwight.  Give the man the crown this season.

There you have it people…You’re Master Debators have rested their cases…and No, you cannot have those 5 minutes of your life back…No “time” refunds in the Corner…Deal with it.