Michael Bolton is a Major Cinephile

Allow me to take a break from the O’Cal love fest for a night and I’ll fill you in on something I’m pretty excited about. From now until the end of the year, I’m pumped to see about a dozen new movies that are about to come out. Now, you might think, we’ll that’s nothing to write a blog about, I want to see a bunch of them too! However, I’m not what you’d call someone who likes a wide variety of movies. I stick to my wheel house,  which usually consists of fantasy, sci-fi or comedy.

Speaking of fantasy, have you seen these yet?!

My nerd boner is unbelievably huge right now. It’s not a half chub, I’m full mast right now.

So yea, I don’t branch out a lot or see a lot of new things these days. It’s like my taste in music. I haven’t listened to anything new in the last 8 years  (it’s all Miles, Hall & Oates and Phil Collins for me) . So I guess it’s really like Mals’ views on the best NBA teams. There was an apex then and a plateau and nothing on the downswing should even be considered.

Of the top 5 grossing movies of all time, you know the one I’ve seen? Titanic.

Ok, now that you’ve stopped laughing I can continue. yes that means I haven’t even seen the Avengers or Avatar. I don’t know, something about them being sooo popular turned me off. I feel like I’m better for it. Now I know how vegetarians feel every time they look down on someone eating meat.

A cinephile, I’m not. I don’t like to watch a ton of movies in theaters  much to Gripp’s chagrin, and even those I watch on DVD I’m fairly picky about. Unless I’m drunk, but I barely remember those so they don’t count.

“But Tibbs, you have let Bush convince you to watch Human Centipede 2, Black Devil Doll and Black Sheep”

To that I say, Human Centipede 1 and Black Sheep were totally worth it. Oh and I was the one that told him to watch Black Dynamite. No one regretted that because it was

DYNA-MITE!

I have fairly limited tastes though. Unless you’re James Bond, Neo, Tarantino, George Lucas or Christian Bale’s Batman, I probably am meh about your film. Like I said, limited taste.

Musical Interlude with a guy who doesn’t have limited tastes:

Sidebar: Fuck you if you didn’t like Matrix Revolutions and bitch about how they ended it. They wrote themselves into a corner and had no where else to go. I was satisfied in 2003 and I still am in 2012. That’s the 4th greatest trilogy of all time. What you don’t belive me? I guess I’m doing a couple lists in this blog. Here’s my top 10 – debate if you dare

1 – Star Wars IV-VI
2 – Nolan’s Batman
3 – Lord of the Rings,
4 – Matrix
5 – Godfather
6 – Aladdin (stfu I had a broken leg when the original came out in 2nd grade and Robin Williams returning for the 3rd totally redeemed the series)
7 – Indiana Jones 1-3
8 – Back to the Future
9 – Die Hard 1-3
10 – Scream 1-3

I’m sorry I pimp-slapped you into that china cabinet.

I am dying to add Kill Bill to that list, by the way, Volume 3 is coming and I can’t wait. We’ll see where the Hobbit Trilogy and Girl With trilogy end up in a few years.

BACK TO MY POINT

I don’t like a lot of films, although I just made it seem like I did. That being said, there are a legitimately dozen movies I’m excited for over the course of the next 3 months. Here they are, in order, judge away:

Skyfall
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey
Seven Psychopaths
Looper
The Master
Man with the Iron Fists
Lincoln
Deadfall
Argo
Taken 2
Butter
Paperboy (don’t judge me!)

I also kind of want to see the Atlas Shrugged Trilogy, but will wait until that comes out on DVD. I finally read that overblown ‘classic’ over the summer and honestly hated the sh!t out of it. Every time I forced myself to read a chapter I hated myself a little more. But once I pick up a book I refuse to put it down. However, you transfer that to film, with riots, intense dialogue, some sex scenes (Taylor Schilling, from Boston, should have went full frontal, but that’s just my opinion)

That is a wide range of films for a guy who usually knows what he likes and sticks too it.

Bulleit Bourbon on the rocks please.

I guess that’s a nice way of putting the fact that I’m a dick and don’t like a lot of things. And yet, I couldn’t be more excited for all of those on my above list. Gripp is understandably thrilled, as that means a couple more date nights, maybe another trip to the Lux Level (I’ll be in your neighborhood Vig!) and the early-bird special paired with a 6pm showing. That means we’re in bed by 9! A perfect night for us, really.

Over the course of the next couple months I may even share my thoughts with all of you on the movies I end up seeing on that list (O/U set at 50%). We’ll see, I’m pretty fickle and am clearly in a ‘blogging mood’ this week. Restaurants. I want to review those as well. I like to eat and if you’ve seen my weight gain in the last couple years that’s the main culprit. Food is good. We’ll see how long this lasts.

We’ll be back to your regularly scheduled O’Cal love fest next week!

3 Responses to Michael Bolton is a Major Cinephile

  1. How much did you drink prior to writing this? I’m a little upset I wasted four minutes of my life reading this.