More Than A Name

Originally Posted

I’ve been wanting to write this article for almost eighteen months since the great Wolverine wrote a gem of an article with many pointers for younger staff. That time is right now with my imminent departure coming.

The main point that stuck with me in Filosa’s article was to try number your points or use bullets to keep people reading. To a large degree, it’s absolutely true as a writer’s job is to inform and/or to entertain by means that you may not necessarily appreciate. Here on the CAC website, 96% of the time, the goal is to entertain the basketball-playing subculture here to give ‘em some chuckles along with the recaps and the message boards. In one of my final blog posts, I am promoting one of the finest things about this place.

Team Names. Over the last decade, this league has had some of the greatest team names ever concocted for reasons such as: characters or sayings from funny movies, books, or professional wrestling, a hearty laugh the expense of a teammate, some famous athlete or celebrity who fucked up,Josh Zukerman feeding little kids rock candy with the hopes of being their dentist for life, or some derivative of the word basketball.

There have been classic names over the years, such as: Lotion In the Basket, Hooded Anger,Mikki’s Mooriors, Sensational Fellacio, The Steamboats, Weapons of Mass Seduction, Cha-Gina, 6 Foot Seven Rangas, I Hate My Life, Majerle and Me (and I could keep going forever, really.) Let’s face it, these team names are the hook that get some of us in the door that say “This place is bonkers!!!” CAC Basketball has to be given a ton of credit for tapping into this feeling of getting people to really buy into a feeling of belonging through social banter whether it be online (now) or in person. I had to really think about what are the best things of this big league outside of the people and this instantly came to mind. So, I decided to get creative and add to the legacy with some more awesome fake names.

Without further adieu, the best 50 team names that not have been used yet:

50. Zukerman Buffet

49. Warm Salami
48. Frail Blazers
47. Norwegian Hood
46. Scornful Hippies
45. Finnish Moves
44. Dunkin’ Dutchmen
43. Speakerboxxx Out
42. Boozer’s Baby Bulls
41. Super Attack Whores
40. Fair and Balanced
39. Megyn Kelly Fan Club
38. Angry Dragons
37. Harvey Harvey Hippos
36. Triple Guns
35. Balcony Posses
34. Saugus Dinosaurs
33. Maroon 6
32. Better Looking Front Desk Girls
31. Everett Sucks
30. Tyler Perry’s Diary of A Hack
29. The Smart Wolverines
28. 1st Street Freeze Out
27. The New Day Co-Op
26. Last Monday Night (I Scored 8 Points and Had 3 Rebounds!)…
25. Match.Com Rejects
24. Douchy BC Grads
23. Spearmint Rhino Delight
22. CAC-n-Blackout
21. Clearance Club
20. Passive Aggressive Bosses
19. Matt Kaplan for President
18. And His Nose
17. O.J. Simpson Presents The Killers!
16. Short Checks
15. Ten
14. Dizzy Llamas Chartruse
13. Tommy Motherf***ing Doyle’s (inspired by Northstar on Friend (St.))
12. Blind Zebra
11. A MattyBells Production
10. The Our Wives Got Fat Club
9. Pepsi Drinkers
8. The Ticallions
7. Alaskan Flounder Baskets
6. Boot Camp Floor Killers
5. Asinine Assist Assassins (*Captain: M.G.)
4. Sanofi-Aventis
3. Tibbs Got You’D
2. Message Board Thugs
1. Positively 1st Street


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