Parenting 101 with Professor RoY-HOF

As many of you found out via Facebook, Gripp and I have decided that we just had to pass on these height genes to the next generation in hopes of creating a super athlete that would allow us to retire early and live a life of luxury. Of course, my dna was not needed for this process, but whatever. As a dad to be, I’ve asked Tommy Kahana aka RoY-HOF to answers all my parenting questions. Enjoy our very one sided conversation!

Tibbs: So excited to do this with you Tommy, I mean RoY-VP, no wait, it’s RoY-HOF now isn’t it? Let’s reacquaint CACers with you before we get started. Give us your bio and let us know what have you been doing in 2013
Kahana: Well first off, Tibbs let me be the first to congratulate on this. It’s truly epic and I’m happy for you, Gripp and your growing family. But, in true RoY-HOF fashion, this is more about me than you so lets give the people what they really want, my updates…..

2013 was a pretty quiet year for me at CAC. I did recently make my return in the Franchise league, and was voted into the CAC Hall of Fame but most of the year has been spent on teaching my wisdom to two wonderful future CAC all-stars.

Oh and I think this breaks the record for most guest appearances in a CAC blog.

Tibbs: This easily breaks the record of guest appearances (Turin appeared in an O’Cal blog 4 times) but you might have some competition, as I make ask Grubb back for a 3rd time. Did you see on facebook that he got engaged over the weekend? That makes him CAC Wedding #6 ! I’m going to list them here, that cool?

Caitlin and I, Jared and Abby, Amanda and Vigneau, Erin and Harvey, Conroy and Nordy, and now Grubb and Becky! What are your thoughts on the rash of relations that has overtaken CAC Basketball?
Kahana: I think Josh has done a good job of acquiring future CAC members and keeping the pipeline going for 2030 and beyond. Truly forward thinking on his part.

Tibbs: We know he can’t rely on me to have fresh ideas and keep these leagues going. I was going to ask Daddy Bells to do this blog, but word on the street is that he has been too busy at CAC the past two seasons actually parenting! How do you balance child rearing and basketball?
Kahana: Well clearly I haven’t balanced my appearance at CAC as well as I hoped. But like any other addict, I missed CAC too much to stay away. I will say you have to find the balance of enjoying your time as Dad but also get your time as a baller. If you’re like me, which I wouldn’t be thrilled with if you were, make sure you make time for it cause you will really appreciate the hoops more.

Does Mrs. RoY-HOF have any advice for Gripp in dealing with a new CAC father?
Mrs. RoY-HOF: New CAC fathers are a little hard to deal with. They turn into diva’s. They’re used to playing in 3 or more games per week and the harsh reality is, sometimes that just isn’t possible because the baby doesn’t care where you need to be! So my best advice to you, Caitlin, let him play basketball, go out with his friends, or do whatever he wants as much as you are comfortable with it, because guess what? It’s his job to return the favor!!!! So keep track of all those times he goes ANYWHERE and cash in those return favors as often as possible! Mommies need breaks too 🙂

Yea she’ll definitely keep a running tab! Thankfully I like to sit and drink on my couch more than most at this point in my life.

Kahana: Speaking of people being like me, isn’t it a bit weird that now Daddy Bells is working at the high school I attended???? Stalker!!!!

It actually kinda creepy. He says tryouts open for the team he coaches next week and he’s looking for players that ‘shoot well, don’t play D and only care about their stats’. Basically, he’s looking for you!

Back to the baby, and dealing with Gripp, how do I make sure it looks like I’m putting in as much of an effort as possible?
Unfortunately I don’t think there is much opportunity to not put in an effort. Besides, I suspect Gripp will have your ass if you don’t. Like in any other situation you’re trying to be strategic with Gripp, pick your battles and fight for the important things….you know like waking the kid up during nap time so you two can review some of your CAC championship video’s.

That’s going to be a short viewing party, as I’m going to toss out all the loses, and there are a lot! Aside from video replays of me flying through the air like superman, I feel like reading is important. Do you have any good books or websites for me to read? These ‘What to Expect’ books all think they’re hilarious, but seem slanted toward the mother.
STOP READING!!!! We’re men, we’re clueless and it’s WAY more fun to figure it out on your own. Actually, in the interest of self promotion and providing for my fans, I have kept a manuscript of my days which will ultimately be sold to the highest bidder. I’m still waiting for Josh to make an offer….

I’m willing to pay you $21.57 and give you another blog entry
Josh allows for salary’s that high?????

Without revealing any spoilers of your upcoming best seller, RoY’s Little Monkeys, what have you learned on the fly?
Start building the basement now and don’t let her out!!!

Oh man, did we just spoil the big reveal? That’s fine, it IS official, Gripp and I are having a girl! It’s got to be easier for women to make it in pro sports right? Can I say that out loud or am I just supposed to think it?
Totally true….damn women rights.

How early is too early to start working on my kid’s training regimen? Should I take the hint and maybe hit the weights myself?

I mean, my kids had a basketball in their crib the day they were born so I am guessing from day 1 is more than acceptable. Furthermore, I’ve turned my basement into a workout facility where they are doing suicides, shooting drills and defensive slides (something they clearly aren’t learning from me).

Knowing you’re the master of self-promotion, what parenting stats have you racked up in your near 2 years as CAC’s most prominent parent.
12,753 changed diapers
4,514 outfit changes
418 nights of sleep with an interruption
a 97% rate of staying clean from diaper changes
and 1 really bad pony tail

Is it considered an assist when you hand your child off to a significant other to change/feed/burp/put down to nap
Obviously….it’s all about distributing and passing the buck. Rack those assists up baby….

Scratch that, I’ll take one for the team and put BabyGribbs down for a nap every time #commitment
A little secret, tell Gripp you’re taking baby Tibbs for a nap and just lay with her on the couch on your chest. When she falls asleep, you’ve just given yourself a two hour nap because you can’t move and forced to lay on the couch with her….BOOM, nap central baby!!!

I haven’t been this excited about naps since freshman year of college! Good lord that was 12 years ago already? Where has the time gone tommy?!?!
The time? playing basketball, drinking yuengling, losing in fantasy football and spending too much time exploring video games.

Man that sounds exactly like how I’ve spent my last 12 years. Wait, are you mocking me?!?! Does bringing your child to a pick-up game make other ballers take you lightly? Be honest, you thrive on the disrespect don’t you?
Funny story here. On the weekends I play at the local Y and utilize their nanny services so Daddy can get some run in. Well a few weeks back the kiddo’s come strutten in with Mrs. RoY cheering their daddy on. With the other team having the ball and game point both ways, an errant cross court pass hit Lea square in the face. Mommy freaked out, but I was like, “Hey, it’s our ball so lets get a good shot”.

She’s gotta get those hands up, always be ready for a pass!  Our kids are going to have a 2 year age gap. With BabyGribbs playing Shooting Forward, BabyBells playing PG and both BabyRoYs playing Shooting Guard, what does this Winter 2032 CAC SML team need to win the league?
They need Terry and LJ to step it up already, we need some size in the front court.
I couldn’t have put it any better myself!

Thanks for all the advice Tommy, I’ll be sure to follow none of it specifically because you told me to learn on the fly. Well I guess that means I will listen to something you said. Oh well, can’t wait to see everyone on the court in January, Happy Holidays everyone!