I love the summer. It reminds me so much of myself: Loved by many but comes and goes so fast you always wonder where it went.
This was one of my more eventful summers in and out of the CAC confines.
The Celts won lucky number 17. I can no longer say I only hook up with chicks as old as Celtic Banners.
Then, I headed to the Cape for the first time I could remember. I had gone after one of my proms but I must have took some forgetful pills because I donít remember a thing. And I thought I paid $20 for some killer X. Bastard must have made a switch on me! That was the last time I bought drugs off Traveling Jim Dasilva.
Got a nice free stay one night down in Newport courtesy of raginí with CACs finest. The view was awful and someone stole my toilet seat. Never staying at that Clikity Clank ever again.
Worked a lot at the gym and noticed that dueshbaggery was at an all time high in the leagues. BLAME THE REF!!! Seriously, when Iím face down in a gutter a few years from now and wake up from my alcoholic haze, Iím running (or stumbling) to the nearest Foot Locker and screaming at the first employee I see.
However, there are some cats that I love watching play. Everyone hates on the Zyme but Gerrity, Van, and George are some funny bastards (Everyone already loves Matty OB so I will not state the obvious). NEPC and Cold Blooded were teams that were not only good but always managed to drop some funny comments my way throughout the games. Sweet Lu from the 4 on 4 league is my new favorite player. The girl is unstoppable, plays 2-3 games on some nights, and has yet to wish herpes on me. I loved PGB until…well, nevermind. The Steamboats add some serious flavor to the league despite the fact that they film the games. First time I’ve been on camera with clothes on since my High School graduation video but even then I was goin’ comando under the gown. Chris Harvey needs to step in the Corner ASAP. My man is all over the boards, played with Mike D and T-Hend all in the same season AND STILL WANTS TO KEEP PLAYING AT CAC. Unbelievable.
We finally play in a gated-community like I have suggested since the leagues inception in 2000. Itís the whole ìI want to go where I canítî mentality that has people lining up from the outside to get in on CAC hoops. When you see a sign that says ìDo not enterî or ìDo not Pee hereî thereís just something inside us all that wants to be Dylan McCay bad.
The birthday was awesome and well publicized ‘Nuff said there.
Won a brick. I love how no one likes to draft my man Slim TnTosti (who had a hilarious and slippery trip to JBerrís Box). Although, I still feel awful that I cost the Hitman, Corey, Wrobz, Floni, and Hinks their brick last season. Please no one draft Ian or Jared next season. They are awful seriously. I have only made it to the Semiís and Championship games every time Iíve played with them.
And speaking of CAC, has anyone seen my game? I lost it over the summer and if you find it could you return it? Seriously, I contributed absolutely nothing to Face Down clAss Up and we ran away with it (Except for the battle with Mike Dís squad). The Big Nice was 4 minutes away from 3-peating despite my 23 turnovers and 5 missed lay ups. I would like to think my presence alone was distracting to the other team (basketball shorts really really really highlight my nugget pouch and chocolate factory). However, methinks some of the ladies from the 4 on 4 league must have invested in a My-Buddy voodoo doll. Fcuk Kid-Sister, dirty whoooworeeee!!!
Fun Facts: The last 3 championship games I have played in, the team shooting at the ìbadî rim in the second half has won.
I am 1-2 in my last 3 championship games. Ironically all teams that lost had either me or Tibbs on that team. Go figure.
D-Macís Lexus….Still slightly better ride than my Bently.
Commish’s wallet…Still Slightly bigger than mine (Hate that everytime I hear that)
Wolverineís whistle… still works
So whatís their to look forward to with Summer over besides the increase in my Prozac/Enzyte consumption, the LNO on Sept 6th and Sept 15th (new leagues start)? We get to see the Pats go 19-0 this season as they hate
fcuk the s#it out of everyone for last season. We get to play which model is Tom Brady going to knock up this season (please Adriana Lima!). And last but not least, me and JBerr get to see Zack Morris in TNTís new courtroom drama, ìRaise the Bar.î JBerr my crib or yours? Do not let me do my pop-corn trick pious JBerr. You know, the one where I tell you the best pop-corn is at the bottom, but it gets stuck sometimes, you know, because of the butter and you got to tug it a few times to get it. Believe me, the last time I tried “Tical’s Pop Corn Jedi Mind Trick” on a girl, her parents wouldnt let me watch her at Day Care ever again.