The Best of Both Worlds

Originally Posted
2011-12-08

The Best of Both Worlds…presuming there are only two worlds mentioning.

Tical:  Today, we get the most anticipated collaboration since R.Kelly and Jay Z’s Best of Both Worlds…Let’s hope your boy and Mike Gerrity can play a little nicer and no one gets a golden shower.  Mike, its time to get our blog on, tag team back again…you know how it goes.

Mike, its come to my attention that this will be your LAST CAC Blog ever so I have to ask who you think had the greatest (or most infamous exit) from sports all time and why (excluding anyone named Paterno)?

Five Hard Fouls:  Bill Russell. He’s the greatest winner in the history of American sports and he unquestionably had the finest exit of any sports icon in this country. He won 11 titles, more than anyone else ever and he won a game 7 on the road versus a team with three Hall of Famers in the last game of his career. Not to mention, it was his team’s greatest rival in the Lakers. Did Michael Jordan ever do that? Jordan couldn’t resist playing for the Washington Wizards, he had no impulse control when it came to protecting his legacy after that brilliant shot in Salt Lake City. Instead, we got in-fighting with Jerry Stackhouse and tarnishes the memory of MJ at the end. Russell should be revered for the fact that he left as a champion, but everyone swears that Jordan’s the best because of what the visual medium of television did and how great Nike marketed him as the be-all and end-all of everything athletic. Russell’s exit holds up better than MJ’s and this point is so simple that it can’t be argued. Not to mention, the NBA finals MVP is named after Russell, not Jordan.

You cant go wrong with Russell’s exit. Any athlete with half a brain should choose Russell’s exit. On the flip side of that coin, if I’d throw my two pennies in, I’d say the most infamous exit from sports was Magic Johnsons. Talk about a “yikes” moment.  Just another reason why married people DONT have sex, because you know your husband if off getting the Die-Slow somewhere.   Also, Magic is considered the greatest player in NBA history (in certain circles) for his versatility, winning a handful of chips and was the poster boy for an era. In the blink of a whispering eye, presumably in a 6 chick orgy, the rug is pulled out from under him. I still think he could have won a few more chips but if you ask me how I would want to exit the spotlight, telling the world that I got the HIV is probably the exact opposite of how I’d bow out… but that’s just me.  I’m old-new school.

The Purple Pretendo:  Great point about Magic. In his last full season, he played on a team that lost in the NBA Finals to the Jordan Bulls without Kareem. Magic getting HIV and Kurt Cobain’s suicide were watershed cultural moments that people our age will always associate with a feeling of shock. I couldn’t agree more.

Since we are on the topic of great retirees who are popular with the ladies and free clinics, do you think you could outfox the Wolverine in a game of Bingo at the CAC retirement home?

The Biggest Prick in the Game:  When it comes to B-I-N-G-O, if the Wolverine is reffing, I am worried about this game being played with seven letters and me being trapped outside of a dusty basement near Arlington Center, clinging to the shreds of my desperate life in the cold, cold night. The wheel of Fortuna has been kind to me, but the Wolverine will surely print the cards out here. My odds are 14.5 to 1, at best. He’s a cagey animal and he will cut me up to into many pieces.

Do you feel like you can win this game, Sean?

I haven’t retired just yet, so I think I would tag in the Mixtape to grapple with that cagy beast. In fact, I have seen the Wolverine out of late and you do not want to tangle with this man now that he employs the “Shook and Awe” to all those that cross him at the bar. If the Wolverine was any more Alpha, his last name would be Omega.

Speaking of the Wolverine, it is no secret that the man brought a lot to CAC over his 10 plus year tenure here. What did Mike Gerrity bring to CAC?

That Boy Mike:  Promotion. All I really did was take what the Filosas, the JBerr’s, and the O’Cal’s of the world did and went one step further with it. I took notes on how the CAC was being covered during a golden age of players and staffers. In terms of promotion, I’m pretty persistent and I’m very confident in any product that I push and that I am a believer in. Legitimately good basketball is something that I’ll always promote. If you look at THE A1 in 2011 compared where it was a year or two ago in terms of excitement and good players in the league, the track record speaks for itself. Not to mention, I battled Tibbs and I even won a few times. I didn’t agree with Tibbs a lot, though we did have some phenomenal writing collaborations, but I do respect him as a person. He genuinely is a nice guy and people should know that I REALLY do think that. Some of the promotional tactics we use involved a constructed fourth wall and the blurriness between reality and fantasy confused people. At the end of day, it’s about pushing the product and this product is basketball, at the Cambridge Athletic Club, which sign-ups have started for this winter…get your early team discount now.

Secondly, I think my skills as a teammate and a leader are strong. If there’s one thing I do really well, it’s picking winners. My resume states that I was a three-time championship role player with the Evil Empire who was consistently there and who will be remembered for some big moments under pressure. I became an A1 captain in the spring of 2010 and I had a blast as a captain of some great teams. We never won a title, but four of those five teams had great stretches into the playoffs. I was lucky to be surrounded by good people and by great players though I’ll admit I helped control that, I can’t emphasize how important it is to surround yourself with good people in life.

Lastly, I brought some crazy swagger and a unique personality to boot. I don’t know of any other guys that leave the hand up like me after that ugly iceball three-point shot of mine goes down. I am aware that I’m partially insane and I will go on some strange tirades about things that I don’t like see, ESPN’s repetitive presentation of sports information, or any group that’s too big for its own good, really. I can argue with you about the quality of Stevie Wonder’sInnervisions versus Kanye’s Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy. I have a healthy obsession for any sports or pop-culture related literature, which is sizable because of the urge to stay ahead of the cool curve. I even say y’all because that’s what living six years down South does to some people; thankfully I didn’t acquire an affinity for gravy and biscuits or country music. I know that I’m a different bird, but I’m cool with it and I can express my quirks or my beefs well. It’s really the B-Rabbit defense that got him the W over Papa Doc. I really hope that I was able to artfully insult a few people here to provoke a reaction or, in a few cases, even promote some meaningful policy changes. I hope I brought some anger and some joy to the forefront with my words.

Sean, I’m dead in this place as soon as this prints, but what are your thoughts about your legacy here at the CAC?Moving forward, what are your expectations for CAC over the next few years?

Mike, I have been around CAC long enough to know that CAC is much bigger than anyone one person. The Commish’s, Diesels, Wolverines, Sergens, DMacs, Tibbs have all paved the way for the Rorys, RoYs, KAPs, Sam, who continue to bring that certain extra that we all get from playing down here, besides the fact that you will be sending your kids to State school because of the money you spend in your lifetime here. If history has taught me anything, besides that the Hittites were assholes, its that CAC will continue to grow and expand to the point that an underground movement of people who want to play in the league but do not want to pay for the league will set up protest tents in the building’s main lobby, consummating the Occupy CAC movement.

Since we are on the topic of our dirty hippy brethren, are you siding with the protesters of Occupy Wall Street/Boston/Any- place- where- people- have- jobs- and- shave in the morning?

Mike Green Light Bank Gerrity:  I’m Rip Torn on this one. I have a little bit o’ respect and a little bit of gratitude on the easy joke material for the Occupy Movement. On one hand, the Occupy Movement are within their rights to nonviolently protest and they are doing a great job of making things uncomfortable for some of the top rungs in our society. The people who are protesting aren’t hurting anyone and they are vaguely correct about the inequalities of the power structure; even though, no clear ideas or solutions have been presented by these bearded hippies and granola girls who lost all their money at the fourteen separate Whole Foods in Cambridge. In all seriousness, this movement is doing a good job of being an annoyance to the way things are. (I can’t commend Mayor Menino enough for how he’s handled this, it’s been a testament to great leadership.)

I’m borrowing from Jon Stewart here, but what are we really expecting from people who are crazy enough to go sleep in a tent? I don’t like the way special interests drives our government and how greedy people are allowed to be in this country, but I enjoy a roof, showering, hot coffee, NFL RedZone Sundays, and the opportunity to attract women that do similar things like me a little too much. There are other ways you can go about changing the game without being cynical towards a bunch of misguided people with their hearts in the right place. If it were me, I’d be charging ’em 70 bucks a month for a mediocre gym membership. Maybe CAC kickstarted this whole Occupy thing in the first place after all.

What’s your take on the whole Occupy Movement, Sean? From a legal perspective, do you find the timing between the movement and No Shave November just a little conspicious?

A little too conspicuous if you ask me. What I love about the Occupy movement is that it proves yet again how much better the generations before us were. Our parents and grandparents protested for civil rights and to end wars, but my colleagues are protesting VOLUNTARILY paying for a 4 (possibly 5) year undergrad party and not having anyone hand them a six figure salary when they graduate school. If I were Obama, I would totally forgive all loans in exchange for people handing back their diplomas and transcripts. You think it’s tough getting a decent job now try doing it without your liberal arts degree.

Mikey Likey:  Sean, you’re money on the greatest generationActual hardship and adversity help to make people accomplish great things. Most of the tent-goers wouldn’t know what a day of work felt like if it hit them in the mouth. That’s what pisses me off about them most, but it’s their life to waste. Not mine. Not yours. I just worry about what happens when a topic that’s worth protesting actually comes along gets marginalized because of The Occupy movement.

While we are on controversial topics, how do you feel about the opposing sides of the NBA lockout finally coming together?

Michael el terrible Gerrity:  You know what, I’m shocked that two bitterly divided camps actually came through to work out a solution in the name of common sense. However, for the common economic good of the game, the owners and the players finally did the right thing. A full season gone would have been the end of the NBA as a credible league. Only time will tell who won the deal, but hopefully the players will get savvy about public relations. I don’t understand how so many ‘blue collar’ fans managed to side with the owners in the negotation battle. If you pay $9 for a beer and you think NBA players make too much money, then you’re a hypocrite in every sense of the word.

In spite of the game’s problems, I’m actually excited for this season to start, There are some truly great teams in Dallas and Miami and other teams like the Lakers, the Bulls, and maybe even the last-shot Boston Celtics will be in the hunt again for the title. Free agency will be a major frenzy this year, we’re gonna see some wild transactions go down and this will only help the league’s buzz after a pretty remarkable Finals last season.

Call me crazy, but I think the quality of play will go up with a slightly shorter season with less superstar mail-in performances in the regular season. I’d love to see 70-game seasons and the first round go back to best-of-five series as long as the hideous 2-3-2 format was scrapped for the NBA Finals. My gut reaction from my own eyes and from talking to people is the glut of current games isn’t that appealing to fans (esp. when the first round of the playoffs takes two-plus weeks) and the NCAA tournament has proven that higher quality games in less than three weeks, not quantity, is what will draw butts in seats at arenas and on couches.

Sean, what’s your viewpoint on the NBA? Also, is there anything you like or you want to discuss regarding the game as a whole?

Glad to see that the Owners smartened up and stopped acting like tough guys. However, I was disappointed that I did not hit my “over” bet (3.5) on how many times people would equate the NBA Owners to Plantation Owners. Yet again, where is Jesse Jackson or Rush Limbaugh when you need them? If making 2.5million a year instead of 3million a year is slavery, give me the jersey and put “Kinte” on the back of it.

The one saving grace the NBA lockout provided me was the opportunity to watch CSN’s replay of Celtic Classic Games. Game 4 of the Celts Lakers 1984 Championship where McHale bulldogs Rambis (McHale is the 8th man on the Celts that year…YIKES that’s an early sandbag BFab team), Cousy’s last game beating Wilt Chamberlain’s Lakers, Domique v. Bird, MJ dropping 63 LOSING v. Celts.

This time around, the NBA lockout could not have come at a worse time. The last time we had a lockout in the late 90’s, the NBA sucked. Now, I wholeheartedly agree with your point about there being some truly great teams. The NBA is almost 75% watchable (i.e. I would at least want to watch 75% of the NBA games on TV this year as opposed to like 25% MLB, 40%NHL and 90% NFL.

Plus, the free agency frenzy is going to be interesting. Put your Danny Ainge short shorts on and play GM…Who you going after and why? Field me a team that wins #18.

The Gerrity Mile:  I’d build the team around Rajon Rondo, it’s so hard to find an elite-level PG in the league. If he doesn’t have his elbow injury, I think last year’s Celtics team extends Miami to 6 or 7 games and MAYBE knocks them out last year. (Conveniently forgotten to build up Miami nationally in my book.) Rondo’s the guy you build around. Forget the crazy Chris Paul rumors, give me the PG who’s got a title and who’s played in another Finals and is now probably the most important player in the entire organization, Rajon Rondo. Rondo could be league MVP if he ever developed a midrange jumper and could shoot free throws at an average rate.

Paul Pierce should be able to give you high-level production for the next three years as well. I even think Ray Allen will be able to keep producing for us. The man works so phenomenally hard that he should be able to pop 15 PPG for the C’s this year. The one who worries me is Kevin Garnett. It ain’t for lack of trying, but his injury history with his legs scares the crap out of me and Chris Bosh did destroy him in the playoffs. He’s not the elite monster he used to be and we’ll never see another ’04 KG tour de force season again, but can he be a very good and at times great player again? I’m hesitant (and it pains me to write that because that dude is a basketball player) to bet on KG. I’d keep Jeff Green, I’d promote Avery Bradley and I’d let Glen Davis walk. He showed so much promise in the past, but he really mailed it in last year. Adios, Big Baby.

The guys I’d target are David West and Shane Battier. West is a Garnett Lite who can score in bunches, especially off the pick and pop with Rondo. He’s 31 and he’s got an injury history, but worth the gamble for the next 3-4 years. Shane Battier is a guy who can help any team, knocks downs 3s, takes charges, plays good D and he has a winner’s attitude. Also, I’d look at bad teams having fire sales (Sacramento, Houston, maybe Phoenix) for good action. Hell, if Tyson Chandler or an adequate 7-footer can become available…I’d make moves. The Celtics need help in the paint and they’ll have to get it outside of last year’s crop.

Sean, your thoughts in the GM chair? What would you do?

I honestly have no idea, but I know I am bringing Scalabrine back to boost sales in the Watertown Men’s apparel market (anyone get this reference – I feel like a Family Guy episode).  I don’t really know if I am qualified to answer this question as I’m the type of kid that plays NBA Live and chooses to be the East All Stars rather than a regular team.  Ainge is a gun slinger and I like that in a GM.  He is responsible for making the Celtics nationally relevant again so for that I thank him.  The next 3 years as the Big 3 ages, he needs to draft better than ever and develop players around Rondo if he is going to keep him or around whoever Ainge is going to keep.

But enough about pretending to be grown- ups doing grown up things like building NBA franchises, let’s get back to sending you off in truly CAC-Tastic style.  For our final segment, we are going to play CAC Wordplay…ohhhhh yeahhh lets get kinky. What comes to your mind when I say:

JZuk

Anti-Dentite

BFab

merry-go-rotund

DMac

unbreakable

Kap

Keebler

My Favorite CAC player to play against was…

Majic.

My Favorite CAC player to beat was….

Majic. He’s unquestionably the best. You had to raise your game to such a high level as a group to beat a team with Majic because he wants to beat you so bad. And the game was never over. Those are guys that make you better as opponents.

Most painful CAC player to lose to was….

Watson.  Lost the perfect season on a three at the buzzer in the championship game this past spring in A1. That one will burn forever, but we walked off heads high. Just didn’t do enough before that moment. Still, I’m glad it was Danny that hit the shot, he’s another guy who scratches and claws ’til the end, a real competitor.

The secret of life is…

To never stop, to always ask questions, to constantly move around, to play by the rules and to write them when you have to, and to always have energy even if you have to create it. Energy leads to movement. Movement leads to action. Action leads to accomplishment. Playing basketball helps, believe it or not.

Mike Gerrity is…

Trying to beat the clock.

Aren’t we all Mike.  The CAC staff, in particular this guy, will miss your edge and passion while the backboards at CAC will miss all the attention you paid them.  These kids today don’t know how to kiss anything off the backboard.  Tragic.

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