The Summer of 09 is winding down here at CAC, which means teams are questing for their prospective titles or getting their hearts broken….until next month when the new leagues start up. This was definitely one for the books as this summer saw some great moments, personally and CAC-wise.
We’re Going Green
For all of you people out there who continue to complain about the scoreboard lights not working, could you please stop. Obviously you hate polar bears you racist F*Cks. The reason why we choose not to use all the lights on our CAC homebase scoreboard is to conserve energy. I donít know if youíve heard of these things called periodicals, but within them they mention this phenomenon called global warming. (Apparently ìglobal warmingî is an actual problem in the world and not just when you lock your girlfriend in your car after you rip ass on a hot summer day) Turns out by not using all of the scoreboard lights over the past 2 years, we have conserved enough energy to save 3 ice cubes. Now, if that Polar Bear wants a jack and coke, he can have one on the rocks because of us. Stop being selfish people!
Who Got Jort’d
Frail, BFrat, Harv, Majic, Lappy, Spinney, Paulie G, and of course Tibbs and Muah (courtesy of PStone). What a summer for the Jort industry. Sales boomed this summer due to the wagering on A1 games. If you people were as smart as me, you would have taken your communion money and invested it in jorts before the season. The stock went through the roof this summer! Through all the A1 players purchases of jorts, the great jort farmers of the Midwest survived another season.
(Save A1!!! Do not take my captainship away….who will come up with sexual innuendo clever names without me?)
Taking the Bar
Thank Jesus, Allah, Buddha thatís over. Being sober for 2 months to study for the Bar were 2 of the longest months of my life. Sobriety is a life changing event. Women are less attractive, jokes arenít as funny, and everyone uses you as a designated driver. You know how many times I got laid as the designated driver…0. No woman respects the designated driver. No woman thrives to leave with the kid sucking down sprite, even if you have a lime in it. God, I hope I donít have to go through that again (please pray for me that I do not have to take this shit again in February!!!).
Although the 2 month prep work is grueling, the 2nd day of the test, they make you write out 10 essays. Grueling…Needless to say, after the 2nd day, my right arm hasnít been that sore since the Great Vagina Drought of 05.
Thursdays with the Zyme
This season had me reffing the Zyme over in B1 West, and yet again, I have to admit, I liked the majority of guys on the team. RoY and Carrot Hippity Hop are brand names at CAC, but I feel as though the Mullholands should be as well. While Brad may have the better offensive game, Scotty is definitely one of my new favís because of his D. Not only does Scotty block everything in sight, he does it with the ìpimp hand.î Thatís right, he wraps his blocking hand, probably keeping it ìsoftî for that special someone. Definitely, reminiscent of one of my favorite books of all time, ìOf Mice and Men.î The book had everything I look for in a great novel. Like 100 pages, a dude who wears a glove filled with Vaseline, retard, a chick who tries to make it with the retard, and then the retard ends up killing her.
My Favorite Saugonians
So I took some time off from studying on one glorious Saturday afternoon to go catch up with CACís Saugus ballers at Mike D’s. I strike up a conversation with Jay Sar, who informs me that he has been competitively fighting (or grappling or whatever its called) for some time now. The same Jay Sar who I have come to think as the nicest and most mild mannered person to ever come out of Saugus, a town notorious for producing nothing but dueshbags and mini golf. Well, after he sent me his latest fight where he chokes some dude out, my opinion of Jay Sar has gained quite an edge. If I have to ref him, he gets all the calls no questions asked. Check this out:
“Hey, I’m Not Dead Yet”
The Wolverine showed us over the summer just how much we need him back blogging with his peopleís choice award winning piece “Wolverine the Obscure”. Therefore, I am taking it to the streets. I encourage everyone (Mazzy, FDB, JRod etc…) who supports the Wolverine and wants his hilarity back in his blog, to use this photo as your message board Avatar. Anyone who has seen a National Geographic Program on the Wolverine knows that Wolverines may not like to be petted, but they love to be stroked, the ego of course. Letís get this man back STAT!