The Wolverine Trap: BlackIce

WOLVERINE TRAP – KEVY KEV SCOTT

This week’s Trap features the Barking Crab himself, KevyKev74 Kevin “Black Ice” Scott. Kev is one of the few hoop legends left at CRFC. He is the 7th all-time leading scorer and 2nd all-time leader in both assists and steals. And last season he captured his first brick, despite matching up against a more talented team (mine). Let’s finally sit down with him and find out even more than we already know about this man.

Wolverine: Thanks for being on this week’s Trap, Black Ice. And you are right, this is long overdue.

Black Ice: It’s an honor, man. I was beginning to wonder if I was ever going to get on this thing.

Wolverine: Clearly it was an oversight by my staff. As always, I’ll start with the softies and then I’ll get to the tougher questions. Remember, these questions are not all mine – I am merely a voice of the people.

Black Ice: Yeah, I hear that OTJ has some good ones. I ain’t scurred! Bring it on!

Wolverine: Let’s start off by telling the fans some things like where you are from, what sports you played in high school and college, how many girls you have dated, etc.

Black Ice: I was born in Cambridge and raised in Davis Sq. Somerville. I played my high school ball at Matignon, which happens to be the school that other golden brick winners TiCal and Papa Roach went to as well. I went on to Boston University where I won one intramural basketball championship. After that championship, the groupies started coming out of the woodwork. Needless to say, I’m writing the chronicles of Black Ice proclaiming that I am catching up to Wilt Chamberlain’s total. I am currently the Website Content Coordinator at Somerville City Hall and the Bar Manager at Bob the Chef’s restaurant in the South End. I also have been announcing the Somerville Boy’s Basketball Games on the local cable station in Somerville for 12 years.

Wolverine: When did you first realize that you were mutha f&*$in P.I.M.P.?

Black Ice: I guess it was the day I shaved my head and that night I macked these 3 girls for me and two of my boys. But then I got my pimpin’ card revoked cuz the girl I hooked up with ended up being my girlfriend for 3 years. What can I say, pimpin ‘ain’t easy.

Wolverine: I wouldn’t know. I seem to recall that you mentioned a while back that you were currently dating “The One.” Since then, you have brought at least three other girls to games. What happened to “The One?”

Black Ice: 3 other girls??? Naw, man you have only seen one since “The One.”

Wolverine: Well, I made that number up for effect.

Black Ice: But prior to “The One,” there were several girls that have graced the walls of CRFC. “The One” and I have agreed that we are going to disagree, but we did agree that we would try to work things out, so we may disagree in holy matrimony for the rest of our lives.

Wolverine: Speaking of bringing girls to games, I have noticed that there are several other CRFC ballers who now bring their girls to games. That’s relationship suicide if you ask me, but you have obviously started a trend. Do you have any advice for these newbies?

Black Ice: If you are secure in your relationship with your significant other, then it is fine to bring her to the game. But Matty, I don’t think it’s suicide – it’s more like homicide if Father Time is in the house. I mean really, why would you ask one of your boys “which girl is this?” while the girl is standing right next you. Man that was a long night. Come on Edwin – SAME TEAM!!! SAME TEAM!!!!

Wolverine: That is definitely not Same Team. But, how could you let Rip hang 36 on you in front of your girl?

Black Ice: Cause I was trying to figure out what I was going to say to that girl after the game was over. Like I said, it was a long night.

Wolverine: You know OTJ will still be playing long after the both of us, telling the next generation about how he used to school us, not remembering our names. What would you like himto say about your game when you are gone?

Black Ice: Believe it or not, I couldn’t stand OTJ.

Wolverine: I believe it.

Black Ice: But he has grown on me as of late. I guess he could tell the youngsters that I have a sick crossover and that all the ladies loved to come and see Kevy Kev play.

Wolverine: Speaking of OTJ, here is a riddle he sent in: If we had your head, the Commish’s head and a basketball all sitting on a table, do you know how we could pick out which one is the basketball?

Black Ice: Oh that’s easy. Whichever one doesn’t have an engagement ring, or a shorty by its side is the basketball.

Wolverine: His answer is to pick the spheroid with the most hair on it – that will be the basketball.

Black Ice: What kind of joke is that? Tell OTJ to stick to the jokes about Serge. I’m still dying about Serge’s legs driving down the price of the fuzzy side of Velcro.

Wolverine: Is it true that you are actually Tyson Beckford’s little brother?

Black Ice: (Laugh!) Oh brother who told you about that? I’ve been told that I somewhat resemble Tyson Beckford. If this were true, I would be chillin’ on South Beach with some latina model. Don’t get me wrong, I know I’m a Sexy Bitch, but I’m no Tyson Beckford. Anyway one day my cousin and I are in this lounge in Manhattan. And he sees these women checking me out. So he walks over to them and finds out that they are really digging me and thinking that I look mad familiar. He proceeds to tell these women that I am Tyson Beckford’s younger brother. And the girls are beside themselves. Long story short

Wolverine: Too late.

Black Ice: …they think Tyson’s younger brother makes some damn good omelettes in the morning.

Wolverine: Here is the hottest topic by far as sent in by the fans. Bottom line you are a CRFC hoops legend – that is a fact nobody can argue. But you are very, umm, vocal in pick-up and have the reputation of being someone who occasionally argues calls to the death. Poulos has recently anointed you “The Barking Crab.” Do you think this reputation is deserved?

Black Ice: The Barking Crab joke was funny. OTJ should take some pointers, but the Pretty Boy shouldn’t talk so fast. He argues calls just as much, if not more, than me. I am probably the most competitive player in CRFC history. I have always been told to voice your opinions when you feel you have been done wrong. I just want everyone to know that on the court, I hate everyone who is playing against me. I just want to win. Off the court is a different story and there isn’t anyone I dislike off the court. Well, maybe Jerry, but he isn’t with us anymore so screw him.

Wolverine: He and any references to him have been banned for life. What was going through your mind when you wanted to fight Big Ben in pickup that Saturday? According to OTJ, that would have been like Butterbean fighting my cat.

Black Ice: Man that is when I first came to CRFC. I didn’t even really know Big Ben then. I mean, come on man, he literally outweighs me by like 100 pounds. He got salty with me cause I was boxing out his big ass down low and while I’m doing that he proceeds to jump over me and says I bridged him. A few choice words where thrown about – Ben said I have a Napoleon complex and I said something along the lines that he was the biggest Beeyatch at CRFC and I know of a good Biddy basketball league he could play in. I was just letting him know that he wasn’t going to punk me like some little kid.

Wolverine: Is there anyone in the gym that you haven’t gotten into an argument with on a Saturday morning?

Black Ice: Apparently not. Dan Herman was the last of them and he proceeded to travel too much this past weekend. I had to let him know that he needs to stop reading OTJ’s “A Guide for 40 year Olds on How To Travel and Get Away With It.”

Wolverine: I�ve never seen Herman so heated. What was the “sit down” with Rip all about a few months back?

Black Ice: Basically. things were said. Secrets were revealed and we realized that if we joined forces (off the court of course), we could corner the CRFC market.

Wolverine: Girls seem helpless against each of your individual powers. I heard that when girls hear that you or BRip are going to be at a party, they leave their house with unsnapped jeans just to save time. Ok, there is a hoop tourney in Hyde Park and you have to choose 4 guys to go with you. Who do you take with you from CRFC and why?

Black Ice: James “JB” Brown still hasn’t lived up to the hype at CRFC, but is STILL a beast on any court in Hyde Park. But hey, I here he moved back to Beantown and is ready to rewrite the CRFC History books. “Chise”, need I say more. I think he is a better player now than he was at Tufts when he was dunking on everyone. Ok maybe smarter now. Contact McLaren will get my nod at Shooting Guard. He has the deadliest 3-point shot in CRFC history hands down and he knows the game. And here might be the surprise for you, but I gotta pick B Rip. Yeah, I know I’m going to regret this when we are all out drunk, but he is the most prolific scorer I have ever seen at CRFC and you can’t teach quickness like his. I don’t know too many people who are quicker than him.

Wolverine: OK, you hear that there are 5 single Hawaiian Tropic Swimsuit models hanging out at a bar downtown. Who do you take with you from CRFC and why?

Black Ice: This is easy. Big Dawg, cause he probably invited the models down there. Contact McLaren and BRip cause we have all decided that it is better if we follow your Same Team philosophy and everything else will fall in place.

Wolverine: Collaboration beats competition almost every time. Just ask China, the former Soviet Union, Cuba, etc. You have more nicknames than Apollo Creed. Which one do you prefer?

Black Ice: I’m getting tired of Kevy Kev. And OTJ is the only person who calls me 74. I think he is fixated on that 1974 cause he probably got his first piece of booty all the way back then. Champ was given to me by B Rip. I hate it cause anyone who meets me for the first time thinks I actually walk around calling myself that. Shoot, JRod introduce me to this dude as Champ and I could just see the look on this guy’s face. I prefer Black Ice.

Wolverine: How did you get the nickname “Black Ice” and what does it mean?

Black Ice: I got the name Black Ice from Diesel after I proceeded to drop 41 points on the TiCallion Stallion one night. Cause no one saw this nasty black SOB coming with that scoring performance that night.

Wolverine: Oh, now I get it. I never realized that. Here is another question from OTJ – Do you complete Gary Payton?

Black Ice: I guess if we become better acquainted you can say that. GP is married so when his wife comes to town hopefully he will feel free to let me keep his girls occupied while he is home playing daddy. He’s a cool cat though.

Wolverine: Christina Milian, Christina Aguilera or Christina Applegate?

Black Ice: Christina Milian gets my vote. Have you seen the booty on that girl?

Wolverine: I have taken a few brief peaks.

Black Ice: Go check out the movie ‘BeCool’ – she has a nice thick’um behind her. I use to have a crush on Christina Applegate when she was on Married with Children. But both her and Aguilera don’t have enough a$$ for me. I like the cushion.

Wolverine: Finally, what advice would you give to those fans out there who would like to have umm, “women” in different area codes?

Black Ice: First, get rid of your home phone and get a cell phone with no roaming charges. When you have one you are always home, no matter where you are. Get it?

Wolverine: No, but thanks for being on the Wolverine Trap. Glad we could finally do this.

Black Ice: No problem man. It was fun. So, when are the hard questions coming?

Wolverine: I had to edit most of OTJss. And BRip may be right  it seems you cannot be shook.

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