The Wolverine Trap: Duncan Prime

Duncan Primetime emerged last season in the B league as one of the leaders of the fun and enthusiastic guys of team Cobra Kai. Not only does he have on of the best nicknames in the gym, it is applies to his game as he heats up on a regular basis down the stretch when his team needs him most. Let’s see what else makes Mr. Primetime tick

Wolverine: Thanks for being on this week’s Trap, Primetime.

Primetime: It is a lifelong dream, Wolverine. I’m glad my agent could set this up!

Wolverine: Your teammate “The Reverend” Jeff Coburn really raised the bar for the guests on these Traps last season. Do you feel any added pressure right now?

Primetime: There is no question about it. Until Coburn came aboard, the Traps were very boring and dull. In fact, they were almost painful to read. But now, they have some life to them and I feel like everyone after the Reverend is held to a much higher standard.

Wolverine: Yeah, ever since I started editing these interviews and putting in whatever I wanted for the answers, they have been much more entertaining. As always, I will start with the softball questions. Tell us a little about yourself, like where you are from, outside interests, how you heard about CRFC, how much you love the Wolverine, why you shove rolls of dimes in your pants before games, etc.

Primetime: Well let’s see, I was born and raised in the mean streets of Philadelphia. Life was tough with moms raising me by herself and with three other kids to feed. You see, Wolverine, this is where my interest in basketball comes from. Ball was my only source of income for a while, trying to help support my family and keep myself out of trouble. I really tried to concentrate on the books and keeping myself out of jail. Finally, I made it out of Philly. I went up to Lafayette College in Pennsylvania and then eventually was accepted into law school up here in Boston – I cant wait till May when I can take my diploma back home to show all the kids this is what happens if you keep your nose clean and stay out of trouble.

Wolverine: Sounds like you have been watching Hoop Dreams. Congrats on the law degree. I heard you were in Jacksonville this past Sunday. What in the world were you doing there?

Primetime: Well, I work part-time for “AND 1” and we had a new video to shoot down there – It was kind of crowded and almost impossible to find a hotel room. Something about a football game? I don’t know what people see in grown men lining up face to face and smashing into each other? So barbaric.

Wolverine: You have one of the coolest names in the gym. Does it ‘work’ for you outside the gym?

Primetime: It does indeed – I even go so far as to call it “my closer.” When I’m out on a date and things are going well, I get to that stage when I need to “seal the deal” and get those last three outs – you know what I mean?

Wolverine: No, not really, but continue.

Primetime: So, we’re about to leave the bar, and I casually have Jazzy Jeff walk by and shout out … “Hey there Primetime, what’s up man!?”

Wolveirne: Wait, so Jazz goes on all of your dates?

Primetime: Well, sometimes. Anyway, naturally, the girl inquires into why I am called Primetime and I tell her I am nicknamed “Primetime” at the CRFC because of my b-ball skills! Done and Done.

Wolverine: So I have helped take your image to the next level?

Primetime: Well, my agent told me my jersey is selling more than the Patriots Randall Gay, so if you consider that the next level, then yes.

Wolverine: Cobra Kai had another quality win last night against pre-season #1 Sasquatch. Last season, your team would have lost that game. But this season, DJ Jazz, Rev, Jenson and your two new guys really seem to be playing much better. What do you attribute the team’s success so far this year to?

Primetime: Two things immediately come to mind when talking about our early season success. First off, the two new guys have been huge. Last season, it was on myself, Jazzy, and Rev to do it all. And the three of us had hardly ever played together as a team. But now, the three of us have meshed, Scotty has come in and given us great guard play, and Jose has been an absolute monster down low. Not to mention, he brings a “dry-erase board” to the gym every week and draws up new plays for us.

Wolverine: That has already been done by the Professor.

Primetime: Secondly, we have bonded as a team. Coburn’s idea for us all to go out to Eagle, Colorado for a relaxing weekend at a spa in early January was brilliant. We really got to know one another out there and came back very relaxed and refreshed.

Wolverine: Why does teammate Scott Sonia act like he is Ben Wallace every time he grabs a rebound?

Primetime: (laughing) Now that you mention it, I guess I shouldnt where the Ron Artest jersey anymore, right?

Wolverine: Do you think teammate Jose Torres looks more like Tubbs from Miami Vice or Elvin, Sondra Huxtible’s boyfriend on the Cosby Show?

Primetime: Wow, now this is a tough one. To be honest, I would need to see Jose play the part of both characters for a true assessment. I am going to conduct a test and get back to you. First, I will have him model a light blue blazer with a pink shirt underneath, having half the buttons undone to reveal his sexy chest hair. Obviously, we’ll have to get the nice fro going as well. Then, I will have him throw on a nice button-down shirt, sweater vest, and crisp pair of khakis to see how much he resembles Elvin. In my gut though, I feel like he has the personality of Tubbs, so I guess that is who he resembles more! Plus, Tubbs is in Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. Can’t go wrong with that!

Wolverine: Were you offended by my rolls of dimes comment in the write-ups a few weeks back?

Primetime: Well, I have nothing wrong with men looking down at my shorts. It is a perfectly natural thing. Especially if it is you, Wolverine. Are you doing anything Saturday night?

Wolverine: I am now. In all seriousness, you seem to play better late in the game. Have you always been the go to guy on your teams?

Primetime: I wouldn’t really describe myself as the “go to guy” on this team. I think Jazzy leads this team with his solid ball-handling, scrappy defense, key three-pointers, and overall good looks. I tend to score in some key situations late in games mostly because I have a bad first half. At halftime, the opposing team switches a weaker defender to guard me because I am not doing anything on offense. Therefore, it is easier for me down the stretch! I also seem to have more energy later in games  I guess my stamina is very high.

Wolverine: Just how did DJ Jazzy Jeff Hall get a cute girl to agree to marry him?

Primetime: One of life’s great mysteries. I place it with other great mysteries like the decline of Will Smith’s acting career and the fact that Penny Hardaway is making $14.6 million dollars THIS season.

Wolverine: Did you know that Loaf/Maverick Howe’s real name was really just John?

Primetime: Who is Maverick Howe?

Wolverine: He is this guy in the A and B league who told me his name was Maverick for two years when his name is really just John.

Primetime: I know the A-leaguers about as well as Freddie Mitchell knows the Pats secondary. Actually, I think I played pick up with him a couple of times. Once, he had real long hair, and then the next time he had real short hair? What’s going on?

Wolverine: Yep, that’s him. He is actually a really good guy, but I feel duped about the whole name thing. I may never get over it. Anyway, at the league night out, I think I saw you ordering a Salisbury steak when we had plenty of appetizers for free. Are you just used to the finer things in life?

Primetime: OK, finally, I get a chance to explain myself. The reason I ordered the steak is simple. I had a good friend of mine up from New York for the night. We played a drinking game of Madden on PS2. Every time a touchdown is scored on you or you turn the ball over, you have to drink  a beer. 6 minute quarters- loser of the game has to buy the other guys dinner later that night. Well, I won a thriller 56-49 on a last second Randy Moss TD. We got to Tonic and I realized that all of the food was free! But, of course, a bet is a bet – steak dinner it was. As far as the finer things in life, I have been known to order a bottle of Cristal or two for the boys on Wednesday nights after our games. You gotta celebrate the victories! I try to pattern my post-game behavior after Shawn Kemp.

Wolverine: Thanks for the tip. We will be testing your team for cocaine before and after every game. Where will we find PrimeTime on this Valentine’s Day?

Primetime: Well, being a single guy, I will DEFINITELY be at the bars. Valentines Day is like Christmas and your birthday combined for a single dude. You have no presents to buy, no marked-up flowers to buy, and no expensive dinners to pay for! What you do have is a bar filled with single girls, tears building up in their eyes, wondering how don’t have a boyfriend or someone to share the day with. It is pure desperation. Every single girl wants a guy in their bed on Valentines Day.

Wolverine: They do? Really?

Primetime: If you cant go home with a girl on V-Day, you might as well just give up!

Wolverine: Ok, well, be nice to them, PrimeTime. Remember, good guys get the girl. Speaking of which, Shannon Doherty or Shannon Elizabeth?

Primetime: Being a Cobra Kai player, I am also forced to say Shannon Doherty. She was in the prime of her career when we were busy sweeping the leg. In my opinion, though, Shannon Elizabeth is a better looking girl. The deciding factor, though, comes down to Elizabeth being a complete psycho. True story– she built a huge tunnel under her house, stretching almost a mile long through her property after 9/11 because she was “afraid of the terrorists.” Sorry, can’t deal with those types of chicks. EDGE: Doherty

Wolverine: Ok, well this has all been fantastic. Thanks for being on this weeks Trap.

Primetime: Thank you very much Wolverine. I hope to be back soon!

Wolverine: Well, save some energy – you won’t be back. It’s a one time gig. Plus, you have gotten enough airtime for 5 interviews in this one.

Primetime: OK. Nice suit, by the way. Did you borrow that from Craig Sager?

Wolverine: I will be wearing it Saturday night.

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