The Wolverine Trap: JRod

WOLVERINE TRAP – “JROD” Jared

This week’s guest is Jared, simply known as JRod. I think I have known him since he started coming to this gym about 3 or 4 years ago. In addition to being one of our best players, he is also the creator of the great league DVD’s that will allow our kids to see just how bad we were at basketball. And despite his recent skirmishes on the court, I know JRod to be one of the nicest guys in the gym.

Wolverine: Thanks for being on this week’s Trap, JRod.

JRod: It is both a privilege and an honor to be in “The Trap.” It’s funny, the last couple of weeks or so I’ve been checking out past installments, and I wondered who the next guest would be. When you first asked me about being interviewed, I was pleasantly surprised. However, I’m beginning to realize it’s the recent controversy that got me in “The Trap.”

Wolverine: That is definitely true.

JRod: So, some advice for the “untrapped” – stir up a little controversy and you’re in! To quote one of my favorite movies, Gladiator, “Rome is the mob – he [Caeser] will bring them death and they will love him for it.” With the advent of the CRFC Boards, CRFC has become the mob, and I guess if you bring them controversy, they will love you for it.

Wolverine: Josh is Caesar. I am more of a Marc Antony type character. But I agree with you 100%. As always, the easy questions first, like where you are from, what sports you played in high school, where you work, when you first used the guard arm, etc.

JRod: Okay, yeah this is an easy one. I was always a basketball player! In fact, that’s all I did and cared about in high school. It wasn’t uncommon to see a young JROD up at the bball courts until the wee hours of the morning. I even played a short stint in college. Currently, I work for Somerville Public Schools as an Instructional Technology Specialist. Or, (to quote another movie favorite, Dumb and Dumber) to the lay person, I’m a teacher.

Wolverine: And the Guard Arm?

JRod: Darwin invented the concept known as Natural Selection, a procedure by which a particular trait evolves according to it’s surroundings. It seems that a new sub law needs to be invented. It’s called, “CRFC Selection.” This term describes a trait (or in this case The Guard Arm), that evolves according to the numerous hacks and bruises one receives while traveling through the lane at CRFC. Honestly, I don’t remember using the guard arm before CRFC, and I didn’t even notice I was using it until Google called me on it. Although I maintain it’s not a foul to protect the ball on the way up for a shot. By the way, I’m not the only one who uses it in the league, but I’m proud that I got to name it!

Wolverine: Are you taking, or have you ever taken, any performance enhancing substances?

JRod: This question must have arisen from Balco’s Finest himself, none other than Joey Diesel.

Wolverine: Nope. Would Mark McGwire call out Sammy Sosa?

JRod: Actually, in high school I did take Creatine, but those days are long over. I just recently got back in the gym, and along with the Zone Diet, I have not altered my eating at all (supplements included). I have, however, lost almost 20 pounds and my manner of play has definitely gotten more aggressive.

Wolverine: Don’t you think Raphael Palmeiro’s vehement denial of taking performance enhancing drugs is a little inconsistent with the fact he is the spokesperson for Viagra?

JRod: Matt, you get right to the point don’t you. I don’t judge a man for wanting to keep a stiffly regimented personal life. If one needs some help with this, it would be hard not to pop a few pills. Sorry, couldn’t resist.

Wolverine: Hey, if I achieved anything that lasted for over 4 hours, I wouldn’t be calling my doctor 1st, that’s for sure. Ex-girlfriends would certainly be the 1st on my phone list. How do you respond to KevyKev’s recent charges of increased aggressive behavior over the past few months?

JRod: First, let me say that he is right, I am more aggressive. Now, let me try to explain. My recent aggressive interactions have been because of the increased amount of jawing and hacking that have been going on at CRFC. Normally, yes, I have been able to disregard it. However, recently I havent been able to let it go, and I’m not sure why it’s been getting to me.

Wolverine: You are not alone.

JRod: Maybe the new diet, maybe it�s the new workout regiment, maybe it�s just because the hacking and the talking has reached that all too critical threshold that sets me off now- I really don�t know. Actually, it�s just about moderation. I don�t mind a little bit of hacking and talking- we all do it. But for me, it�s back to mild mannered JROD. I�ll let someone else call out the �talkers and hackers.� I�ll just go to the line.

Wolverine: That is exactly what Champ said a few months back. I think you are currently dating former CRFC personal trainer Emily Zeeman. If you guys get married, will you be changing your name to JZee?

JRod: That�s not a bad idea, although we are both pretty traditional when it comes to that stuff. She will most likely take my name. Although, if she would promise to call me JZEE, I might consider it.

Wolverine: Is it true that you were the one who actually shot the Paris Hilton video?

JRod: That wasn�t supposed to get out. I�m afraid you will have to talk to my lawyers about that.

Wolverine: Can you please somehow slip in some porn into the next league DVD?

JRod: Oh, you didn�t notice that I had already. Any DVD with KevyKev on the title screen with a little Kenny G in the background (like last league�s DVD) has the makings of a good porn, or so I�ve heard. I guess this question rules out the possibility of me showing this interview to my students/players/family members.

Wolverine: If you were to videotape an entire typical weekend at the JRod/Sergery home, what would we most likely see?

JRod: Honestly, I don�t know. I don�t see Serge much anymore. He�s either out drinking or trying to recover from his Red Bull�s and Vodkas. Something I�m sure he can thank you for. Usually when Serge and I are together, we are heading to CRFC.

Wolverine: Over your career, you have been both the league�s Most Outstanding Player and the league�s Most Regressed Player, a #1 overall pick in the draft and a #10 overall pick in the draft. How do you account for this dichotomy?

JRod: I think lots of things play into this one. First and foremost, I got fat! As I have mentioned, over the last five years, I had put on about 20 lbs, all of which I have now lost. I think my game has definitely come back around, and I anticipate my place in the next draft to be much higher. In my opinion, this last draft was a joke, but I�m happy to be on TiCal�s team, even if it means I went 10th. I think we have a good shot at a title this season.

Wolverine: Was our Thicker Tubes team the best team you have been on since joining CRFC?

JRod: With no disrespect meant to my current team�DEFINITELY! In fact, I�d be willing to say, that this was the best team ever assembled at CRFC. You, me, and Fletcher were tough to beat. They called us the Three Headed Monster.

Wolverine: Who was the first to execute the spin move � you or Sergery?

JRod: Definitely me. However, he has done a pretty good job at adapting it for his game. By the way, the spin move and the guard arm are way over used now at CRFC. I�m going to have to think of something new.

Wolverine: Imitation is the best form of flattery. Let�s play a little word game. I mention a CRFC name and you say the 1st thing that comes to your mind. Be honest. Ready?

JRod: Set Up! Oh sorry, I thought we had started already.

Wolverine: John Howe.

JRod: I�m still picturing Loaf after a night out in Killington, I was driving he and Serge back from a day of snowboarding and we had just had a few drinks at a local bar. Our waitress was this pregnant tattooed chic [laughing] – I�m still trying to remember all he said on that drunken car ride back to the B&B, but that was hilarious. If it was appropriate, I�d put it on the next league DVD.

Wolverine: Google.

JRod: Who?

Wolverine: Sergery.

JRod: Wow, this is a hard one. We go to the same gym, work for the same school district, and live in the same house, and I�m still drawing a blank. Sorry, dude.

Wolverine: Commish.

JRod: �Don�t worry JROD, I�ll pick you up in the first round.� I have no other comments.

Wolverine: Brian the Ref.

JRod: I�m going to plead the 5th on this one.

Wolverine: Dave the Ref.

JRod: Probably the best shooter in the gym – hell of a nice guy!

Wolverine: BRip.

JRod: Haven�t seen him much lately. I�ll see his team in the finals though.

Wolverine: KevyKev.

JRod: Good baller, could use some decaffeinated Prozac sometimes.

Wolverine: Diesel.

JRod: Great guy. I’m just thinking about how he traded me to Vanstry, and there I remained for three seasons. Thanks, dude!

Wolverine: O’Cal.

JRod: Good captain/player combo. The next Captain to win a CRFC Championship!

Wolverine: Who’d be your choice of any celebrity to shoot a videotape and make a DVD with?

JRod: That was a very carefully worded question, Matt. I would say any female tennis player whose name ends in “ova.”

Wolverine: Thanks again for being on this week’s Trap, JRod.

JRod: My pleasure. It was truly a once in a lifetime thing. Similar to, but more fun than, a circumcision.

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