TiCal’s Corner: Caitlin Pack A Vestal

For the past two seasons, no player has been as dominant in the ladies league as the reigning MVP, Ms. Gripp.  Although the Golden Pump has eluded Caitlin, she has proven time in and time out that she is a player that can do it all.  Despite her taste in men, Caitlin has become a delight to have in the CAC community and today we get her in the Corner to discuss the tough issues that many big stars avoid:  such as naming names, childbirth, and hanging out with Jesus.

Caitlin, itís a pleasure to have you in the Corner, but could you please cover up a bit?  The Corner has a family atmosphere/blog and if my mom sees me talking to a girl dressed like that I will lose my G.I. Joe privileges for weeks.

I apologize I ran out of CAC shirts and this was the only other one I had.  Though I must say that hot pink ñjacket pants set youíre wearing looks stunning.

It was a gift from the Fizzle…Donít ask.

1.  Please give us the skinny on Caitlin Vestal pre-CAC…

Funny you should say skinny, its like you knew me as a young girl.  My poor lanky arms couldn’t even get the ball to the hoop so I pretty much avoided playing basketball.  While growing up in the bustling mecca of Harvard, MA 01451, I pretty much spent my time playing tennis and figuring out which soccer shirt matched which Umbro shorts to wear to school the next day. 

Oh, man…Tragic!

Tell me about it.  Our high school, The Bromfield School, was a 7th-12th grade school and playing sports was the cool thing to do so in 7th grade, on top of tennis and soccer I decided to play on the middle school bball team where I was the 3rd string center even though I had a good 5 inches on the other 2 girls; shows you how just how bad I was.  It was when I went to UConn camp the summer after that I fell in love with basketball, it mighta had something to do with Nykesha Sales teaching me how to shoot.  Iím pretty sure I was meant to be left handed though cuzí since I couldnít shoot righty, she convinced me to try with my left and somehow it worked.  So a summer of camp and I was hooked on bball.  Unfortunately my high school team was much like my CAC teams and was always second best.  We made it to state finals 2 years in a row only to be blown out.   Since I didnít want my career to end that way I decided to go to beautiful Troy, NY where I attended Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute and played ball.  In my free time I studied biomedical engineering which is how I ended up in Cambridge working at Codon Devices.  My post college years were spent being rather depressed because its true what they say college is the best years of your life, that is until you meet CAC. 

2.  You and Tibbs, Vs.  Mazzone and Conroy:  IF both couples had a kid, whose gene pool would produce the better basketball player?

If the question was whose kid would be the skinniest, whitest, and tallest then Tibbs and I would definitely have the upper hand.  But the better basketball player, well thats all relative.  I think we’d have the edge on the finesse player and our child will definitely have a left AND a right but when it comes to strength I think the Mazzroy lovechild would win out.  Iím willing to say our child would beat their child maybe a pre-child challenge is necessary for a better perspective.

 

3.  If you hung out with Jesus today, what would you get him for Christmas?

Most likely a copy of your latest, “How to Fake it…You too can Ref Basketball”.  After all it was on the NY Times Bestsellers List and Iím pretty sure Jesus only reads top quality material.

Iíd have gotten him a copy of the Da Vinci Code and a set of his/her towels for him and Mary Mags.  Why would Dan Brown lie to me?  What would he have to gain?

I don’t know, what do all those women that lie to you have to gain?

Women have to lie, its in their DNA.

 

4.  KG for MVP?

Hmm, debatable Iíd say Iím really rooting for Scott Pollard and I think he has a decent shot as he came to the Celtics and they are now 22-3. 

 

5.  If CAC did their own investigation, whose name do you think would appear in our version of the Mitchell Report?

I can tell you’re on the roids O’Cal with those biceps busting through your t-shirt you did not look this way last season and now you’re an MVP, pretty obvious what you were doing between seasons.  But let me guess, you didn’t knowwww what you were being injected with, you swear. 

I am either too drunk or too ignorant to know what is being injected into my ass…(cue the Ed McMahon ìHiiiiiiiiiiiii-OOOOOOOOî)

However, on a more serious note, I am going to pick Arnie.  He told me the other night he is 40 but still looks like heís 25 and has the energy of a rabbit on the dance floor.  Something is up and I am definitely writing to the Prez that we need to start testing players for any dru -…well… – as long as employees are not tested, because in all honesty we are above suspicion of polluting our bodies with anything.  You know what, letís mosey on away from this whole thing entirely.

Tibbs says as long as weíre not testing blood alcohol content he can get behind it.

 

6.  Iím pretty sure everyone knows that I am the CAC rendition of a Don Juan with my chiseled body and a maturity level that women lust over, but of late (as in the last couple 24 yrs) I find myself looking more like Don None so I need some womanly advice.  When is the perfect time to tell a girl that I have that special feeling about her, you know, that I would do anything to sleep with her?  After the 8th or 9th beer?

Hmm, well all Tibbs had to do was lose to me in Flip Cup and then take me to get some pizza but I think for you, yeah youíd need to do something more. 

Cmonnnnnnnnnn, he got you smashed.  Think about it.  He lost to you in flip cup.  So you drank all those beers he put in front of you as fast as you could while he probably tossed out the remaining cups that he was suppose to drink.  Once you were smashed enough and he bought you pizza you felt obligated.  Iíve done it a million times to girls at parties….in my head at least.  I think thatís how its suppose to go, anyways.

Youíre sorta right, so I guess the key is to make sure the girl has had 8 or 9 beers while you stay somewhat sober and take advantage of them.

But this is about you and helping you out so heres what I think:

If you have your sights set on some CAC girl then perhaps giving her a call or two in her favor might plant the seed that youíre interested.  Then at the next LNO you can spew one of those witty lines you have saved up and flash your pearly whites to distract her from the caterpillars making out on your forehead and compliment her jump shot. 

Whoa, whoa, whoa.  First of all, the Commish has forbade me from exposing his customers from that sort of bad advertising.  Second, my integrity as an official is always in tact.  Neither twenties nor tang cannot buy calls from me.  Third, I donít spit lines, I let alcohol soften up the female well before I open my mouth.  Finally, if her jumper sucks I aint lying to her.  Cmon, I thought chicks like honesty?

Are you asking me for advice or not!?

But if itís not a CAC girl that you want to bring home to Mom, well then uh good luck.

Thanks for the advice that I can only use on about 1% of the girls I meet at CAC that arenít ringed up or taken.  F it Im just gonna buy Machoís Lady Manual.

I hear that has a very high success rate.

 

7.  Best aspect of CAC to you and why?

Other than the obvious highly attractive members and great benefits of being an employee there, I think I got hooked on CAC cuz of the seriousness that the players take the games while still having fun.  Iím a washed out basketball player sure and do it to have fun but itís also fun to have it be competitive.  But mostly, I just like the way it makes me feel.

Who is the best player within their perspective gender & why?

I think I’m gonna have to go with Erin ‘Magic’ Johnson for a female as she did lead her team to victory over mine the other night.  She has one of the best shooting touches of anyone here at CAC and definitely has the heart to go with it.  CAC basketball isn’t just a recreational activity to her itís a lifestyle, and that I respect even though Iím still mad Icebox lost last week to Ladies First.

For the guys Iíve seen play, I gotta say I enjoy watching BFrat and Jay Sar play.  They are 2 of the more well rounded male players at CAC in that they can score, play defense, rebound, pass; definitely the kind of players youíd want on your team.  They are consistent and make their teammates play better and if you can do that, then youíre pretty damn good.  And Tibbs of course!

 

8.  If CACís walls could talk what would they say?

ìOícal I donít think the electrical socket was meant for that

Then why did they make the holes my size silly?

 

9.  If the Commish started his own reality show where he made all basketball employees live together in the same house for 6 months, who do you think would fit the stereotypes that reality TV writers try to portray? Who would be the bitch, the asshole, the crazy bastard, etc…  What do you see as the conflicts between employees regarding living and working together?

Tibbs would be the ìhot-white messî who was “there to have a good time” and would sleep all day and party all night, causing drunken ruckuses as habitually as blinking.   I have you pegged as the geek trying to win over the beauty, who becomes ìher best friendî and watches her hook up with everyone else on the show except you. 

Why do all the girls Iím friends with tell me Iím like the big sister they never had?  Nevermind, I was taught never to ask questions you donít want to hear the answer to.

I can also see you as the whiney little diva that cannot handle when things donít go your way.  You would throw the tantrums when someone used your toothpaste or left a dish on the table.  Who knows, maybe youíd be the one who went home early cuzí you missed Mama Tical too much

How do you see the rest of the crew?

Filosa probably takes the asshole role-

WOW!  There has been an ultra lack of respect for the Wolverine of late-

No, no, no, I didnít mean it like that.  I mean its cuz he don’t take no %$*# on the court and I imagine wouldn’t from any of us either, and would probably get pissed at you and Tibbs for being loud while heís getting his beauty rest or trimming his catís nails.

Or if he and his lady canít hear the Al Green album in his room.

Serge would probably end up getting sent home early for violence ie wall punching and would most likely be the one leaving the dishes on the table for you to whine about.  I think Preston would be the calm guy who is on everyoneís side and is ëjust there for the experienceí.   No offense JBerr, but there are only 2 of us girls and since one of us will have to be the drama queen with a Southern accent who misses her boyfriend but then cheats on him with all the male members of the house, I pick you.

Wow.

If weíre all looking to get fired from CAC then I think this would be the way out.  I donít think the Commish would want the CAC basketball image tarnished by what viewers would see on our show. 

 

10.  Is Icebox guaranteeing a Golden Pump for the winter season?

Well, a wise man-child once told me that “Losers see what they can do and MVPs DO”.  Unfortunately, we couldnít pull it off this time around but if we play to our full potential, weíre gonna DO it next time. 

That Man-Child sounds handsom.  Caitlin, thanks for stopping by and best of luck in your quest for the pump.  Until then keep your eyez on the prize, your senses wise, and sheild your view of Tibbs’ pasty thighs.  Godspeed.

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