TiCal’s Corner: Jillian Berry

Sheís the newest addition to the CAC family and I think I speak for the entire CAC nation when I say she is definitely a lot nicer to look at than the last member to join the CAC staff (TIbbs).  Of course Iím talking about none other than JBerr, Jillian Berry from the Hot Pots.  With two championships under her belt in two seasons, Jillian looked like she was going to have a great career ahead of herself until she made a fatal error in her life by agreeing to become the newest and flashiest writer-upper, keeping the C/B2 leaguers entertained and dazzled.  Once youíre in, youíre in.  Today, I tidy up the corner because Iím having a girl over.  Peeps, I give you the Jillian Berry you thought you knew, but you had no idea.

Jillian, pleasure to have you in the Corner.

Woah, woahÖerror?! First of all I believe it was YOUR idea to get me this write-up gig to begin with (something about wanting an early retirement to FLA?). Are you saying you threw me to the lions?  Thanks, OíCal I thought we were friends.

Misery, excuse me, happiness loves companyÖ

Whatever you say, at least the Commish hooked me up with a sweet CAC zip-vest as part of my sign on bonus.

So what am I doing here in the corner? While Iím rather flattered, I thought it was for like, you knowÖgood players.  

Iím pretty sure if you check the previous interviews, if they aint MVPs on the court, rest assure they be MVPs off the court.   (Diesel, MixTape, etc

I mean, I know I have one of the best attendance records in the league (a statistic Iím forced to wonder if my team scorns) but I donít think my player rater has ever exceeded maaaaaybe 37. I can only speculate how I wound up hereÖ

Even the most affluent of attorneys does a little pro-bono work here and there.  Take that how you want it young lady.

1. Please, give us some background info about yourself to wet the viewing audiences whistle.

My humble beginnings transpired in a cozy lil place I like to call ìAction Acton.î If you donít play sports in Acton you donít really fit in, or have anything else to do for that matter (unless loitering at McDís, The Big K or a local bowling alley is your thing).

So, I kept busy with soccer, basketball and a lil lacrosse. I found my niche in the soccer goal and pursued that with mild success as a Red Fox at Marist College.

Then out of nowhere, having put all my balliní skills to rest, I get a call from high school teammate, Super Nat, to come play bball @ CRFC (r.i.p.). Truthfully, my decision to play (probably the best decision Iíve made in í07) has opened up many avenues in my life. I abandoned my bartending, Iím workin in the city, and at the gym, and finally made the big move outta home and am living with current teammate Erin Conroy. As for the rest, wellÖI will let my stats speak for themselves.

Like my boy Kanye, I find myself wonderingÖIs the good life better than the life I live?

Not unless you wake up and get to be the Wolverine for a day.

2.  According to fellow Big Nice teammate and former Action Acton great, Jon Mazzarati Mazzone, there is a shrine to him on the basketball court at the high school.  Is it true they enshrined the water fountain where he used to get hydration for the players who actually saw the floor?

If by water fountain you mean urinal? Then, yes, itís true, itís all true. In his honor, his face is emblazoned in the porcelain. How many people can make that claim to fame? That man is a legend, and Iím proud to say I know him.

3.  Is it true Hallie (team mate on Hot Pots) has won the CACís fan voting for Ms. Congeniality the last two seasons?

Letís just say I love having Hallie on my teamÖbesides, sheís wayyyy better looking than Sandra BullockÖ.just ask our fellow employee!

I have no clue who you could be talking about, but more importantly I try not to talk to these people outside of work, unless itís absolutely necessary so I will have to take your word for it.

Much like the ladies have to take your word for it behind the whistle.

You got it.  If it werenít for my whistle or my mom I would never speak to a living breathing woman.

4. What position does Berrís dream man play:  PG- always a giver but doesnít quite have the size youíre lookin for,  SG ñ knows how to score but canít play both ends of the floor, Forward ñ The BMOCís but have Diva tendencies, or a Center ñ A lot of man mass but not a lot in between ears?

Ha, thatís a rather loaded questionÖbut, when it comes down to it, regardless of position, my dream guy is a role player. Does a little bit of everything and comes up BIG at just the right time. In the meantime, until this dream guy manifests himself, Iím just workiní on being somebodyís dream girl.

You just gave a lot of CACís finest out there something to dream about young lady.  Fellas you just got your pick up line for the LNO.

Ha! Keep dreamingÖ

5.  What is the best aspect of CAC basketball?

Obviously, the stunningly attractive & high quality officials, statisticians & ìreportersî employed by the CAC make basketball all the more alluring.

Where have all these people you speak of been hiding?

Regardless of where theyíve been hiding, you know when theyíll all come crawling out of the woodwork. The night where all of these beautiful people gather and party harder than the celebs on the red carpet. I obviously speak of LNO.

Again, where are all these people you speak of been the past 8 years?

The mystery behind CAC basketball is its cultish quality and the way Iíve been irresistibly lured in deeper and deeper. You know what they sayÖ ìfrom the outside looking in, you cant understand it, from the inside looking out, you cant explain it.î

I say the same thing about almost every single Fizzle post/email.

6.  Should JD Drew have to play for the Red Sox with a bandana wrapped around his face like Jesse James because he is robbing us of 10 million per year?

What a timely question after his stellar performance this weekend with a double, triple and 2 run homer. I have to admit, however, that Drewís always had my heart. I think he has played consistent D and his hitting is only going to improve, but he still comes up with some big hits. Heís no Trot Nixon for sure, and Trots always been a fav of mine, so Drewís got some big shoes to fill, I think he just needs time to fill them. Ellsbury however, damn heís been hot and I am worried about where they can get him in the roster now that Mannyís done whining about his oblique.

When it comes to bandanas, I always thought they looked best worn on the head anyways (please refer to the championship video for visual confirmation of this fact)

7.  If you could go out partying with one celebrity/athlete who would it be and why?

Iím still trying to get Tucker Max out to Boston. Aside from being a pig, the guy is a genius, and obviously knows how to party. Iím also a sucka for guys that can make me laugh and heís nothing short of hilarious. For anyone that doesnít know Tucker feel free to borrow my copy of ìI Hope They Serve Beer In HellîóIf youíre male I can guarantee your satisfaction (thatís what she said). And for all the ladies, if you have a sense of humor itís a riot.

Tucker Max is hilarious and right up my alley as hard as it may be to believe, however I would not suggest doing anything ìadultî with Mr. Max unless you use a Trojanís Kryptonite Brand Latex because my man has been AROUND.  You want to make sure even the STDs that get powered by the earthís yellow sun donít stand a chance of jumping onto your ship.

Öand yet heís right up your alley? InterestingÖIíll be sure to let you know when I lure him into town.

And I will make a stop by CVS to make surer I have my protectionÖor just a dollar in quarters and hit up a bar bathroom.  At least it will be florescent.  (Easily amused)

8.  Who is the most colorful character CAC has to offer and why?

Most colorfulÖoh, but there is such a rainbow of character at the CAC, and ìcolorfulî is such an ambiguous word. With the handful of characters that Iíve come to know fairly well, I would have to award most colorful to E-Fizzle.

After all, he did create the glorious golden pump (complete with humorous tale) that I so fervently pursue each season.

Aside from that he cracks me up more than most, he has a decadent couture, and a lavish coiffure, he has many fabulous/colorful life stories and can recount them in a manner that keeps one completely enthralled throughout. The first night I met Ed, at the infamous WT, I asked him what brought him to Boston. His answer: ìI came for loveÖî To which I laughed at in response, and then proceeded to receive a stone cold face from him, ìNo, really thatís why I came.î Any man that can admit that gets a bonus in my book.

And just like his interview, I should have charged you by the word.

Charge me?! I should charge you for my valuable time and privileged/highly sought after information. Do you realize who you are talking to?

Iíll ask the questions here lady!  Anyone else that keep you in stitches?

Close runners up for various reasons: MixTape and Tibbs

9.  You have recently moved in with fellow teammate Erin Conroy.  Has the commish approached you two about JRod setting up some web cams so CAC can have our own version of a Real World/Reality TV show? Would people watch?

You must have been left out of the loop, OíCal. Our lawyers have already discussed and signed papers (sorry, we had to go with other councilómaybe in a year or two when youíre well seasoned and experienced).

No offense taken, I wouldnít hire me even if I could.  Thereís just something about a boy who still lives with his parents and has a fear of spoons that shouldnít sit well with anyone.

With Erinís new found singlehood, there was nothing holding her back from full-access cameras! The installation crew (ala JRod) has all the cameras rigged up and footage rolling. General Access is permitted to the common areas, but Members Only Cameras include both bedrooms and the shower camera (great job on the waterproof lens JRod, images are crystal clear).

Ooobviously people would watch. Everyone loves ìcelebrityî dirt, and after our back to back championships our fame has soared! Weíve already got 33.5 CAC viewers about a handful of those have special Memberís Only Access. You may be wondering about that ìhalfî viewerÖwell that was Tibbs hacking into the system, trying to bypass the registration fee and freeload on the site. He was quickly apprehended and booted off.

This season, weíve got everyone on the edge of their seats. Who is the mysterious tall fellow Erin has been hanging out with? Will Jillian ever actually ever have someone over the apartment, or will she be trapped in single purgatory forever? Who is leaving all those dishes in the sink, and are the rumors true that Hot Pot victory is attributed to not ever washing their uniform jerseys?? The mysteries ensueÖ.

OíCal, if youíre interested in a complimentary trial hit me up for the password.

My pastor would not approve of me observing such immoral activities but thanks for the offer.  Iíll forward the password to the Surgeon.

10.  Ok JBerr, you have been called a dreamer by some, what do you see a typical JBerr day in about 5 yrs?

Dreams? Donít you have to sleep to dream? With all the hours of slave labor the Commish has me putting in thereís hardly time for that.

And at 7$ an hour you shouldnít be complainingÖ

You mean 7 figures, of course?

(This is where I plea the 5th)

Anyways, I donít know who your source is, but I suppose I am a bit of a dreamer. I have lofty aspirations in many areas of life and I am open to whatever opportunities I am presented. So, in five years wherever it is that I find myself, Iíll hopefully be content with who I am as a person and where I am in life.

See you at CAC in five yearsÖ

Dammit, was my b/s that obvious?

Only to me because I am fluent in the lingo, but Iím sure all the ladies and fellas, well probably more the fellas, will appreciate you and your vest for the next couple of years.  Thanks for stepping in the Corner but now I have to ask you to climb out my basement window because itís a school night and if my mom sees a girl sheís gonna flip.