Tical’s Corner – Mike Sweeney

Todayís guest is none other than the unspoken leader of the Sweeney Clan, at least in regards to hoops at CAC.  As well as being one of the premier point guards in the leagues he plays in, Sweens has proved that he is a vital asset to the entertainment value that separates CAC from all other leagues, whether it is his appearances at the LNOís or his posts on the boards.  Today, I get Sweens to step in the Corner for some must read input and hopefully do something unprecedented:  get him to rip on Tibbs in all 10 of his answers.

Sweens, itís a pleasure to have you in the Corner.  I hope you didnít mind being blindfolded and led to the Corner.  For my safety reasons I cannot disclose the location of the Corner to the Sweeney family.

I understand your caution after a series of Bennett Salvatore like calls knocked JJ Round out of the playoffs and send my bro into a homicidal rage, but I assure you it wasnít necessary.  If he were still after you, the long walk from CAC to the new parking lot would be a much better opportunity. 

Especially since we didnít have those protective hockey rink like boards guarding the CAC entrance, which by the way were placed there as an added prophylactic for the Wolverine and myself.

You and the Wolverine use prophylactics?!?  How responsible.  You guys definitely have that creepy Gilligan and the Skipper, 70ís Batman and Robin, Ambiguously-Gay duo thing going on. 

I meant when we leave after officiating games.

Sure (winking) I, did, too (still winking).

Why is it in every interview I have to convince people I am not gay.  Not that there is anything wrong with that.  Oh, well, let’s get to business here:

1.  Sweens, please give us some background info on yourself and what you most dislike about Tibbs.

I grew up in Wakefield, the oldest of three boys.  Chris is the youngest is only three years younger, and Bryan is halfway in between.  We definitely had our battles growing up.  My Dad coached the MaldenHigh Hoops team back in the 80ís, so I grew up on hoop.  In his last season coaching I was the waterboy, kind of like Vig with the Legend Killers except I was only 9.  He decided that coaching was taking up too much of his time, and quit and started coaching our travel teams from 5th to 8th grade.  And he whipped us into shape running a crisp motion offense and a diamond press.  The other fifth grade teams didnít know what hit them.  I ìplayedî on some successful teams in High School, getting the chance to playing in the Fleet Center (at the time) twice.  The first time getting destroyed by a loaded Milton team, and coming back to win it all the next year.  CAC 5on5 player Andrew Conley was our captain that year.  I went to college at WPI and joined the Theta Chi fraternity where I met the other members of the Irate Ambassadors.  Lappy and I made a pretty decent team back then in intramurals.  My junior year we both tried out for the WPI hoop team.  The tryouts consisted of running drill after running drill.  Eventually I had enough and ran right out the door.  I havenít heard the end of it from Lappy since.  I first enter a league here at CAC a little over two years ago, and was hooked right away. 

2.  The Legend Killers is one of my all time favorite teams because you guys had it all.  You had talent, you had must-see personalities, orange slices, and a late season implosion.  What was it like playing on that team and how much of the downfall of that team can be attributed in some way to Tibbs?

It was a lot of fun especially early in the season when we were winning.  We scored a lot of points and played absolutely no defense.  After games weíd head over to the 9ís for beers.  Then when we lost, Tibbs was no where to be found, I donít think he made it out after any of our losses. 

Probably because he rushed home to get the write-ups on the website.

Yeah, right.  But seriously, drinking beers at the 9ís was important to our team chemistry, and when we needed it the most he was coming up with lame excuses or just ignoring us all together.

Yeah, I donít get it he usually is always down for drinks at any time.  The, ìI forgot my walletî is his favorite lame excuse of all time, but at least he used it when he came out drinking.  But I guess after a full season there’s only so many times you can get water from that well.

It was either that or that you jinxed us with the Majic interview, cause I think things started going bad right around that time. 

Wait Majic blame me for something?  No way!

Well, either way, seeing as how Iím winless so far this season, my luck can only improve. 

3.  The Celtics are back in the Finals.  How would you describe the Celtís chances of beating LA?

a.  About as good a chance Tibbs has of getting a tan or showing up sober to work (No chance, LA in 4-5)

b.  About as good a chance Tibbs has of hitting a lefty unguarded lay-up (50-50 shot, Cís in 6-7,)

c.  About as good a chance of Tibbs ever quitting CAC (Celts in 3 games because LA taps out)

Iím gonna have to go with B.  Although Iím more confident that the Celtics are gonna win it than I am in Tibbsí ability to make a lay-up, Iím hoping for 6 games, so I can be there when they win #17. 

Yes, that would be optimal.  However, I love how the media is all about ìKobe has matured,î and ìKobe is a good teammate now.î  That is complete BS.  Kobe is great donít get me wrong, but he is the biggest prick in sports.  They are in the finals so of course he aint going to bitch.  Didnít anyone else think he was full of it when he tells people in interviews that ìweíre all brothers.î  Kobe is great but he is all about himself.  If this team loses the finals, he wonít hesitate to blame his team some how.


4. I have a crazy theory and I want to see what more people think about it.  Do you agree that Tiger Woods is on the juice?

Of course he is.  He only wears skin tight shirts now to show off the guns, and recovered pretty quickly from surgery.  I think Annika did them too.  So much of golf is accuracy and feel, so do roids really make that much of a difference? 

Yes, they do.  The long drives and the added physical edge you need when you have to WALK for 18 holes.  God bless those true testaments to physicality who have to endure walking around for a couple hours, hitting a golf ball, while someone else carries their clubs.  Do you think the PGAís Player President is doing his job about as well as CACís Player President for not drug testing the Tiger?

Iím not really sure what Tibbsí job actually is, so itís hard to me to tell you what kind of job heís doing.  Is he responsible for getting that new scoreboard wired?  Maybe we should get the Player Pres position description posted on the web.

I donít want that kid involved with anything that has wires.  I can see it now.  Tibbs ñ ìJosh, Iím suppose to cut the green wire, but I see (hiccup) 5.”

Just tell him to cut the one in the middle.

Good call if he sees an odd amount, but I worry that he may be wiring not-that-drunk and only see double.

Cmon now, when is he “not that drunk.”


5.  What is you most memorable moment at CAC and why?  Remember you must try to rag on Tibbs in every answer.

Iím yet to win a championship, so it would have to be the Genzyme game.  We hyped that game up all season, and it lived up to the hype.  Plus any time you can beat a team with two division 1 players is pretty memorable.  Playing in the A1 Championship was pretty memorable too.  Unfortunately we were playing without Kareem because he was injured during the 3on3 Tournament.  Despite being huge underdogs, we put up a hell of a fight, eventually going down to Wolverineís team.  I still donít understand why we always have the 3on3 in the middle of the playoffs.  Someone gets hurt every time.  If we just waited a couple weeks, we could have it during the off-season.   That was like a year and a half ago, and still nothings changed.  Isnít Tibbs in charge of the 3on3? 

I donít know, every time me and the Wolverine are working it we can never find him unless his game is up.

There you go again bringing the Wolverine back up.  Get over him Tical you will never surpass his cat in his heart.

It hurts every time I hear that line from someone.


6.  You have the chance next season in the A1 draft to pick either Tibbs or Pack-A-Vestal.  Who do you go with and why?

I really have to pick one of them? 

Life is full of doing stuff you are forced to do

Female Voice from Upstairs ñ Sean, are you done playing with your friend yet?  Itís almost time for your bath and bedtime.

Iíll be done in a minute, Ma, JESUS!

(holding back giggles).  I see what you mean.  Well my A1 stats are already a lost cause, so Iíd probably pick Caitlyn and hope she might pad my B1 East stats a little bit.  Also, I think Caitlyn would be more insulted if I didnít pick her, since every time a team on Wednesday needs a sub and doesnít ask her, she makes a point of putting it in the write-up. 

We give them the right to drive, vote, bear children, wear hats and now the right to write up and see how they repay us?  Always taking shots.


7.  Rumor has it that Kimbo Slice knocked out Suge Knight last month.  How much money would you give Tibbs to step into the Wall-Ball arena with Kimbo Slice for one 5 minute round?

From what I hear Josh doesnít pay well, so Iím guessing it wouldnít take much.  Heíd probably do it for a six pack. 

I was going to say Ham Sandwich, but Iíve heard Tibbs claim beer is like liquid bread so I guess a six-pack would be worth more.


8.  If Tibbs was born a member of the Sweeney crew, how would that shake up the pecking order amongst the brothers.  We know that every kid knows who is the favorite in every family and it seemed that Tibbs and Papa Sweens were a cohesive pair.

Iím supposed to say something bad about Tibbs here right?  Iím guessing heíd be the black sheep Sweeney cause of his pale skin and Side Show Bob hair, but if he were really born into the Sweeney family heíd have been better looking, so I donít know. 

   We also would have accepted Jackie Moon in addition to Side Show Bob alike.


9.  You, Vig, and Tibbs will all go down in CAC history if your careers are not cut short by liver fatigue or flat out failure.  What will each be remembered for and why?

Weíll probably be known more for our off LNO performance than our basketball skill.  Tibbs is never gonna hear the end of the Junk in the Trunk thing. 

I still have the text from the Hitman saved in my phone when he sent out the ìTibbs is passed out in my trunkî text.

Vig making out through just about all of the last LNO was pretty entertaining.  Iím the reigning MWA title holder.  Tibbs will probably also be known for his poor playoff record. 


10.  The Legend Killers go on CACís reality series called ìThe Blackout.î  It is a show where CAC pays for your teamís booze for one weekend wherever you guys go.  Where do you guys during your weekend and who does what?

Can CAC really afford that? 

We just raised the league fees in hopes of investing some of it in the cash crop known as Reality TV so be on the look out for casting calls.

I love the idea.  You guys should have had some cameras at Good Times on Friday where Vig, AK, and I went for the Celtics game.  After the game, and numerous pitchers, we wound up playing a game of 3on3 in the cage.  I donít remember the score, but I know we lost, and Iím sure it would have been funny to watch.  Iím lucky I didnít break an ankle.  Drunken hoops are not a good idea.

Haha, I havenít played in that Good Times Court in a minute.  Too bad they will be closing it down in a year.

Sad, Sad day when those days close.  Saturday, wed probably be at Sullyís Tap by the Garden, especially if the Celtics are in town.  Vig and I would be by the pop-a-shot machine playing people for drinks. Tibbs would probably even be there too, since CAC is paying. 

Wow, no trip to the Combat Zone or a JBerr sanctioned brothel with all the money youíd be saving on booze?

You just said where we would go for free booze.  But I aint ruling any trip to Chinatown out.  Weíd probably just wait until someone drops the first hint.  Kinda like the scene from Tommy Boy when they are listening to the radio and ìDonít You Rememberî came on the radio and they both played it off on the other to change the song.  I can see us being like ìFine, Iíll go if you go.  I donít care.î  ìI could care less,î as we fight each other to be the first one through the front door of ìHappy Endingsî message parlor.

Poetic.  Great Job Sweens.  We made it 9 out of 10 in the raggin on Tibbs category.  Thanks for the time and best of luck turning around your luck, as long as your interests do not conflict with mine in A1

No problem.  I aim to please.  Plus, itís Tibbs.  Making fun of him is like fishing with dynamite or trying to get laid with a slingshot and a bucket of roofies at a sorority house.