Tical’s Corner – New CAC Staffer extraordinaire Jesse Corwin
Today’s guest is a CAC fresh fish and I cannot wait to pop his cherry. On Monday Nights, me and Jesse are holding it down at CTown high and we already got a Butch and Sundance rapport going. There is nothing I love better when we get a new staffer to step into the Corner and let us into his life. CACers, I give you Jesse “the Body” Corwin.
Jesse, thanks for taking the time to step into the Corner…
No problem Sean, I usually don’t step into corners. I will keep my head on a swivel.
1. Jesse, tell us where you are from and how you came to CAC?
I am originally from NYC/LI, more recently Saratoga, NY (near Albany) and currently beautiful downtown Somerville, USA. I originally found the C.A.C through a pop up ad while I was searching for barely legal porn, last August I believe.
If I only had a nickel for each player we got from surfing “grassonthefieldcomeplay.com” I wouldn’t have to ref you animals. Anything else you liked about CAC besides the encouragement of ego-maniacal behavior?
I did some research and was intrigued by the format and the “stat keeping”. The legend was born and I starting playing in the Bdraft fall league.
2. So…Antonio Cromartie…latex allergy or just stopped caring after the 4th kid?
OK…so 9 kids, 8 women, 6 states. He’s 26? He has literally had a woman pregnant like 80% of the time since he was 17. Last year on “Hard Knocks” he said he only had 8 kids. From prostitutes to lawyers..black, white, asain. Crazy stuff, imagine how good he would be at football if he didn’t bang 8 times a day. My theory is he is trying to create the perfect athlete to pay for his broke ass. It’s a numbers game, you know that Sean. I just wouldn’t want him checking me if I we’re playing WR against him, because you’re probably gettin’ knocked up son.
In all honesty, I saw the “Hard Knocks” episode and I thought the most shocking thing was that he knocked up 3 chicks in one season. You can get up to 12 weeks of paternity leave from your job. My man was just looking for a way to take an entire season off. Lazy athletes!
3. The best thing about this blog is that in 2 months you will look like a genius…Who do you see in the Final Four of the NCAA Tourney?
It’s funny how quickly the tournament comes up every year, I love it! So, we’re in February and I feel like a lot of teams are still just finding their strides. I’m a Syracuse fan, so it’s been interesting. You gotta think the Big East gets at least 2 teams in the final four. I have to start with Ohio State, they are clearly the most complete team. I like Texas a lot, they are deep and consistent. From the big east you gotta like Pittsburgh and I’m not sold by a longshot but I see flashes from Syracuse. I will take them. I will take this opportunity to tell anyone that thinks Jimmer won’t KILL IT in the league to “suckabagadicks”!
Since Jimmer is a New Yorker, I understand you got to have his back. I just hope he wont be another Adam Morrison (despite the fact that Morrison does have a ring)
4. What leagues are you covering at CAC and who has impressed you thus far?
I’m covering the C league Monday nights at the Charlestown High School. I’m pretty sure that was in your intro, Sean. I have been impressed by the officiating and there has been a few cute girls that came to watch the games. Also, Ernest the guy that works at the gym and kills it in the sleeveless hoodie…he’s impressive.
The Larry the Cable Guy look is has been in since Delta Farce swept the Oscars. Just glad that fashion sensibility has made it to Charlestown.
5. You are taking part in the B Draft league. Tell me, what impact does Macho have on this league?
Yes, Bdraft…reppin’ “Jesse and the Rippers”! I am not sure about Macho’s impact yet on this league. He is the only dude on the website with a picture next to his stats, so you have to respect that. I hear he is a good baller. I was an Ultimate Warrior fan so I think I may hold some ill will against him. I can’t help that. I look forward to playing……..”blast in a cup”, classy . We don’t talk like that on Full House.
Macho is a sure fire 2nd ballot CAC Hall of Famer. If he breaks out his “tombstone” this season, I fear for the league. By the way, any time you can make a Full House reference in the Corner, you are getting points. I also would have accepted your team name as “Danny Gym Tanner Laundry” or “Mary Kate and Ashley’s Box”
6. Dumb and Dumber taught us what the most annoying sound in the world, but to you, what is the most annoying thing anyone can do to you?
In a practical application… not say thank you if I hold the door for you or have sex with my girlfriend without asking. In a cosmic sense….insult my intelligence. What about you? What do you think is the most annoying thing in the world to do to someone?
In all honesty, from what I have noticed, if you don’t have a lot of money or anything going for yourself, if you knock a chick up, it really agitates them. The smart girls throw their vagina towards an Antonio Cromartie type, but the Suzy and Sandy Everygirl make the same mistake and let one slip past their goalie…annoys them…big time. I’ll spare you my stories because this is about you…
7. Which celebrity would you most like to :
A. Sleep with –
The girl that played “precious”
B Ask them if they are gay (and they have to tell you the truth)-
C. Attend a party with –
Charlie Sheen…for obvious reasons…briefcase full of coke and strippers…cmon now
D. Fight –
The girl that played “precious”…..before I sleep with her.
8. If you were Kevin Garnett, which NBA player would you like to punch in the dick the most?
Probably Lamar Odom because then you could watch him rehab his dick on his wife’s television show.
9. Do people who use solar power strike you as pussies or progressive?
A little of both, I can’t hate on sustainable energy though.
10. When the time comes to retire from CAC, what will Jesse Corwin be best known for?
Bringing it every game, multiple championships, weird interviews and write ups he is forced to take part in.
Jesse, I hope you get all that and then some…please help yourself to some homemade chicken pot pie from mama tical on your way out of the basement and let’s continue to keep it realer than real Mondays in Chucktown.