For the second straight week, I got to throw the spotlight on the 5 on 5 league. This week, we give you a sneak peak into the life of the self-proclaimed, Rifleman, Phil Davis and Come N Get it Captain Eric Rollins. Phil is by far one of the most unique players in the league with his 6 foot frame, but all his points, come in the paint. Very old school, peach basket and sh*t styleÖ Anyway you dissect it, you need someone with a guardís speed and a centerís build to even have a shot at stopping him.
Phil, I know exactly what youíre thinking: What took me so long to get you an interview?, but finally, I got you youíre 15 minutes of fame, so make the most of it.
Thanks TiCal, and you are right this interview is long overdue. However, despite this being your column I feel obligated to make a correction regarding my ì15 minutes of fameî: actually, and I say this with all modesty, I have been an underground playground phenomenon (that would be one step higher then a legend) for the last 10 to 12 years. So technically I have been famous in the upper echelon streetball circles for some time now. As a matter of fact I will follow in the footsteps of all of the self-proclaimed basketball legends before me and finish this interview in the third person. All of that said it is nice, yet ironic considering the pre-season rankings, that my team is finally receiving its proper due in the media.
And I can tell that youíve been the reigning king of Modesty Mountain for some time now.
Phil ìHillî ìThe Riflemanî ìStarchildî ìBIG PHILî Davis takes his Hollywood shades off for a few moments and simultaneously sends his ìassociateî (who looks like a winner from Next Top Model to pick up his dry cleaning while he enters the Corner.
1. First of all Phil, even though I know about the Cambridge background, give the readers something else to chew on about your backgroundÖ(Where you grew up, some entertaining basketball stories/highlights, funny or serious)
Here is an interesting and surprising fact about the Rifleman (see I am speaking about myself in the third person still): I never played organized basketball until a couple of corporate leagues in my mid 20ís. Tical, I suspect that you and anyone who has seen me play are flabbergasted at the fact that I was never formally coached or taught the art of basketball considering I am such a cerebral player, a kind of ìthinking manís Magicî or perhaps an ìCognitive court generalî
Wow, that is pretty amazing and is as almost surprising that I failed English 3 times in high school, yet I have a popular literary column. If you call this literary.
The ends justify the means, Baby. I mean, your English teacher is probably still checking out the 55 year old librarian meanwhile my ìassociateî was just giving you the ìeyeî. You have made it.
You sure she was giving me the eye. I thought that was my cue to leave you two alone? No way a girl that hott would pass up a ride with the Rifleman.
You got me there, Tical. Just trying to be friendly
No grudges here. Hey, if it werenít for pity I never would have lost the V card but thatís a different story and for my therapist, not the viewing CRFC public.
2. Ok Phil, just for all those wanna bees out there, including myself, what would be the first thing you would tell me to do if I told you when I grow up I want to be like the Rifleman?
First off if you are thinking about emulating the charismatic swagger, irrepressible sex appeal, packaged in a finely tuned fashion forward statuesque body (all while maintaining a healthy yet unrestrictive sense of humility), then the RifleManís would encourage you guys to keep dreaming or win the lottery. Those are innate traits that I have to attribute to my pedigree. However, if you mean to emulate my game then I would encourage you guys to, you guessed it, keep dreaming or win the lottery. But, hell, if you could manage to play on the RifleManís basketball team OR get into one of the exclusive parties that I attend, then hypothetically you could be my proverbial wingman; which has a plethora of benefits that accompany it. The gift that keeps on giving if you will.
Always the bridesmaid and never the bride, story of my life.
3. What is the most important thing in your life right now?
Tical, for a question that clichÈ I would be remiss if I did not answer with a clichÈ, excuse me ìThe RifleManî would be remiss if he did not answer with a clichÈ: Family (that would be close relatives, I have no kids/ wife, and I am sure that is just what your female readers wanted to hear), friends, and staying beautiful, baby.
Staying beautiful aint easy Phil, but you make it look so.
Hey, donít forget the ìflashy vinesî (old street lingo for exceptionally nice attire), we donít want the ladies to think I am just a ìone trick ponyî all flash no substance. Oh, and I care about the environment and the depleting ozone and stuff. You should probably throw that in somewhere.
Dually noted Phil, dually noted. You and Ryan Seacrest should be hosting a telethon somewhere.
4. Is Ben Wallace the answer for the Chicago Bulls?
Tical, this is going to be my first and last serious answer to this ludicrous interview(and I mean ludicrous in the most complimentary of ways): Ben canít hurt the Bulls he will intensify an already formidable defense, much like BIG ERIC does for CNGI. However the bulls need a low post scorer to fully compliment their variety of weapons on the perimeter. Unlike BIG ERIC, Ben Wallace does not possess a low post game and couldnít make a contested lay up/ free throw if world peace and the solidarity of all mankind depended on it.
5. Phil, have you always taken the ìbulldogî approach to basketball? In the 2 years of watching you play, I have seen you score at least 20 points in every game without taking a nancy-boy 3 pointer, like little guys like me. Youíve drawn comparisons to Payton and Rex Chapman.
You know Tical its funny that you mention that. Despite always having the lean sculpted physique of an Olympic swimmer I always liked to go to the rack and consequently patterned my game after the likes of young Tim Hardaway, Paul Pressey, Kevin Johnson, Mark Aquire, Magic, and the aforementioned Gary Payton. I thought shooting jumpers was for guys that didnít have the wherewithal to get to the hoop.
And I always thought that sandals were for the beach, but now I see people wearing them with jeans?!? Whatís up with that? Iím sorry, I digress. You were saying.
YeahÖSo I considered the jumper the proverbial bailout if you will. So while I have grown to appreciate the deep jumper and have myself even perfected the mid-range pull up, I still love to demoralize my usually dim-witted defender by shaking him up and then skating past him or her to the rack.
Or her??? Phil, if it ever gets to that point where you need to feel good about yourself, just go by me like you did last Tuesday and leave the women out of it.
Tical, if they are grown enough to try and cover me then they are grown enough to get a taste of ìshake and bakeî. Donít thank me, thank the womenís movement. And sandals and jeans should only be worn if you are over 60Öor a hot chick, excuse me elegant self-respecting woman (I know the f.c.c has been on your back so allow me to police myself) and then only if the sandals have a 4 inch heel. But the RifleMan now digresses.
Who can stop you in this league?
Tical, as you can tell by my previous answers I am nothing if not understated, humble, and charismatic. But please allow me, er, the RifleMan the autonomy to truthfully answer that question with fear of judgment. The answer is a tie between Ron Artest and Kobe Bryant, although it would be a wash because I donít think either of us would score more then 15 points against each otherÖ.wait I am getting confused, wrong league. If you meant in CRFC the answer is NOBODY. The only thing that could slow me down is a wild night out the night before with no less then two beautiful brownskinned bombshells in their bikinis (and in their 20ís) Öand I try to squeeze two of those nights in a week.
First things first, donít be a glutton, if you got hot two mamiís with you, you got to share with the CRFC media if you know what I mean. Itís not like Iíd be taking your shots away from you, which I know is the worst thing in the world to do to the Rifleman, but címon, hook a young buck up.
Hey, Brother, the only rule that I have concerning the ladies is that they are for everybodyÖconversely the ladies seem to think that they are all for me. Confusing, yeah. Exciting, you bet your scoreboard.
Who is the funniest dude on CNGI and why?
Believe it or not there are a few entertaining characters on CNGI we usually make fun at each otherís expense. Typically that would be the guy who was covering the player on the other team who scored the most points. I would share which player this usually is but in the effort to maintain team solidarity I again digress. But it ainít yours truly. I ìdî up, Baby.
6. DMX or the Dallas Mavericks this season, who has had the tougher fall from grace?
Thatís the easiest question that you have posed all day.
This aint the SATs Phil. I aint tryin to stump the Schwaub here.
I hear you, but DMX without a doubt. Everyone know the Mavís didnít have the intestinal fortitude to win it all not to mention they have never been on top so they didnít have that far to fall. Conversely DMX was at one time king of hip hop now he is, allegedly, king of crack rock. And yeah, Iíd say it to his face.
Just remember, before Lilí John had the ìWhat!?î DMX had the ìWhat?!î first, followed by a ìCíMon!î, and then some barking. Itís Dark and Hell is Not Hot, I donít know anyone who wasnít bumping that back in 99. Ruff Ryder Anthem, ìWhat?!î
Good counterpoint. You should have your own column.
7. Better sports nick-name, He Hate Me or The Big Ticket
BIG PHIL from the HILL a.k.a. STARCHILD
I knew that one was coming.
But you asked anyway. You are exhibiting good wingman skills right now. You set ëem up and I knock them down. That is a skill that could serve you well on the court and in the clubÖwith the proper tutelage of course.
8. Whose game, if anyone, has impressed you the most since you started playing with the CRFC players?
Well, initially the RifleMan, would say the entire CNGI squad but if you were to exclude them from the answer I would say any of the CRFC players that I have crossed up and/or embarrassed and they continued to play in the specific game. I gotta love their resilience if not their defensive stance.
9. Phil, where does the Rifleman nick-name stem from? I would think that would be a 3-point shooters nick-name?
Well, ìTî(I feel by now we have developed enough of a repore for me to call you ìTî)
I have that affect on people. Itís very comfortable in the Corner.
Haha, thatís probably why my ìassociateî is back early. Good thing I subscribe to the aforementioned ìwomanís ruleî.
Just to interject, I officially vote that ìWomanís ruleî, ironically, should be Man-Law. But as you were sayingÖ
No doubtÖTo answer your question about the nick-name, believe it or not, my teammates often like to berate me for my non-stop shooting approach to the game, very similar to the RifleMan on TV at the end of his show. Oddly enough I take pride in getting my teammates open shots because they always finish with flair and funk.
Of course, they have to finish with flair and funk b/c if they donít you wouldnít give up the rock. Thatís the only reason why I ever give up the rock.
10. Ok Phil, last question. Leave me with the most inspirational moment in your life, whether it be reading about yourself in that first CRFC write up, watching the battle scene in the movie Braveheart, or when Will Smithís Just the Two of Us first aired on the radio
I thought that you had exhausted the ìclichÈ questionsî a long time ago in this interview. Forgive me for underestimating you ìtî.
My mother has always told me that I never cease to amaze her.
To answer this question accurately I will choose one of the many ìmost inspirational momentsî in my life. That would be the first time I made some chump fall while he was guarding me during a league game. I do that type of thing all the time during pick up but to ìdropî some sucker while his girl looks on from the stands in utter disbelief during a league game is immensely gratifyingÖand hell sometime I even get the guys girl to slide me her number on the sly. It doesnít get more gratifying then that, my Man.
Thatís classy Phil, you officially take the Wolverineís spot as the #1 hero in my life right now. Especially if you hook it up with a girl!
Tell Wolverine not to feel bad about that. And as far as putting you on with a girl why donít I go and get my own dry cleaning and you and my ìassociateî can interview you. You crazy kids have fun.
Thanks for your time Phil and expect your street cred to soar after this interview. Just a little advice, donít wear the rifle out signing all those autographs now, ya hear?
Good advice ìtî but I am way ahead of you. I have someone that signs all of my autographs for meÖas a matter of fact she is single. I will give her your email address. As you can see, everyone wins when playiní with the RifleMan. And isnít that what it is all about, Winning?
I love it, thatís 3 times youíve tried to hook me up while youíve been interviewed, a new record. Iím like a doormat when it comes to the ladies Phil, I got welcome written all over meÖWait, that might not be such a good analogy when I think about it after all, but the important thing is that we have learned an important lesson and that lesson is winning IS everything and who better to emulate that point than the Rifleman. And Knowing is Half the Battle, G. I. Rifleman! Great stuff Phil!