TiCal’s Corner: The Dolla Dolla Billet

It is always my pleasure to have entertaining guests step into the Corner, but I love having the real Ballers take time from their busy schedules to take a few minutes to allow us all to live vicariously through them. Today, the Dolla Dolla Billet is my guest and let me just state this for the record:  He is the best player at CAC right now.  Todd leads Big CAC in scoring and assists, while in B1 North it seems Genzyme made the right decision in hiring a cat that can drop 50 on any given night.  Not to mention that back in February of 2004 I was watching ESPN and saw Todd drain a 3-pointer to beat a 12th ranked UNC team, which was the 3rd game winning shot he had in the last 10 days. (http://cavalierdaily.student.virginia.edu/CVArticle.asp?ID=23567&pid=1303)

Today, I did actual research before an interview so Pulitzer, here I come.  Donít worry, all sources have been cited so I can not be leveled with any Libel Suits.

 

Todd, thanks for taking the time to sit down with me.

 

Pleasure to be here.  Havenít been in someoneís basement since High School.  You live here?  With your parents?  Thatís cute.

 

Hey, I ask the questions here big shot.

 

Hey, take it easy, I just thought most people move out by no later than age 22 its ok. How old are you 20? 21?

 

Um…24.

 

Oh…(holding back giggles) No thatís…ok…I guess.

 

Nevermind, letís just get down to brass tax here:

 

  1. Please, give us some background info, where you grew up, bball highlights etcÖ

 

I grew up in ìDirty Jerseyî as many people in Boston like to call it. 

 

For good reason.  Definitely in my Top Ten worst things in the world: to drive through Jersey, in the summer, with no E-Z pass on 95, AND without air conditioning.  I thought one of my boys was decomposing next to me in the car but it was just the sweet Jerzey Breeze which can be described as if you stuck your head up a cowís ass, who had ate a pile of feces the previous night and inhale deeply.

 

Whoa, whoa, back off on the Breeze.  We all know that smell comes from the SouthEast winds blowing from New York.

 

Yes, I am sure that everyone would agree that New York blows alright.  You were saying about your background…

 

Well, I have been playing ball ever since I could remember.  Followed in my older brother Geoffís footsteps most of my career.  Graduated HS in í99 and was recruited to play college ball at Rutgers Universityin the Big East.  I transferred to the University of Virginia after my sophomore year at Rutgers and played my final 2 college seasons at UVA (2002-2004).  I am also a Sagittarius and enjoy long walks on the beach.  What is this a date or an interview Tical?

 

Youíre right Iíll put my pants back on and keep it professional.  Sorry Iím a star chaser.  I once saw A.C. Earl…Never mind thatís a story for another blog.

 

  1. Todd what is it like to be a Basketball player on Collegiate Campus?

 

It is really an unbelievable experience.  Funny thing is that you appreciate it much more after your career is over.  But donít get me wrong, it is a full-time 12 month job.  On the bright side, guys on the team are celebrities on campus.  Student and faculty members recognize you and want to talk to you.  I would argue that some coeds tend to gravitate towards ballers, although I never used this tactic.  Several of my teammates relied heavily on hoop as their only game on and off the court. 

 

Is it true there aint no loviní like groupie loviní?

 

There is definitely a fair share of groupie loviní going on among college ballers.  To make matters worse, several of my teammates had absolutely no shame.  Having been raised in Catholic school all my life, I frowned upon this behavior.  Some of the stories in the locker room were straight off the Jerry Springer show.  It is a good thing the NCAA only tests for drugs.  

 

So I take it a couple of your teammates were boys with people down at the free clinic?  Thatís great.  Somebody got to keep them in business.

 

  1. As reported by me 6 months ago, is there any truth to my allegation that Genzyme recruited you to work there solely to play on the basketball team?  Kinda like the Simpsons episode where Mr. Burns recruits major league baseball ringers to play on his companyís softball team in the championshipÖI believe it was Daryl Strawberry, Wade Boggs, Jose Canseco, Griffey Jr, Mike Socscia, Roger Clemens, Ozzie Smith, Mattignly, Steve Sax and yes I have no life.  They made up a job title for you, didnít they?!?  I want answers Billet!  I want the Truth!

 

The cat is already out of the bag Tical.  People at the office started talking within the first few weeks.  Instead of having the standard desk, chair, and computer in my cubicle, it is fully equipped with a stationary bike, medicine balls, nautilus machine, and hard wood floors.  My job responsibility breaks down like thisÖ 25% strength training, 25% cardio, 15% ballhandling, 15% shooting, and 30% dietary management, or lunch.  I have to admit it is a pretty sweet gig.  Genzyme is a really great company and is fully committed to brining home multiple CAC championships.  The bonus structure in my contract allows me to fully profit from individual milestones, such as leading the league in scoring, and assists.   

 

Your initial reaction to the following ink you received in week 2 last season in 5 on 5?  ìThis guy is legit the best guard in the league because he can do it all, which probably includes taking stats while he plays so Im probably out a job…except he went to a southern college and that means he cant string a sentence together so my write up duties are safe..for now

 

I am glad you brought that up T.  I am not going to lie to you bro, I was heated about that sly comment.  I thought to myself,  first of all, this guy doesnít know I only went to school in Virginia for 2 years and already mastered stringing sentences together talking to his mama. 

 

Mama Tical wouldnít go slumminí for a Jerzey Boy.  I will not take a foul tongue in regards to the Saint amongst Saints.

 

Why not she already took my foul tongue…Like you said aint no lovin like groupie lovin.

 

Dam you Billet!  Take your anger out on me not Mama.

 

Ok, youíre right that was cold.  I apologize.  As I was saying about you and your apparent jab at my education, after reading your work I constantly wondered, ìhas this dude ever heard of spell-check?î  The write-ups have more typos and misspelled words than a 3rd grade book report.  I thought to myself that your ass is out of a job tomorrow if I want man.  We are still boys though Tical.  I was just mad at the time it was written.  Letís try to move forward from this low-point.    

 

Haha, perfectly understandable.  My own teammates constantly rag on me for my Mike Tyson like comprehension of the English language.  And for the record, the Commish charges employees for use of his spell check…YES, the Commish owns Spell-Check.  He continues to wield surprisingly insurmountable power in all of our daily activities.  So I canít use spell check, cant afford an editor, and Im usually doing said write-ups around midnight so my mom is in bed and I canít do what I use to do in college and have her edit.  Plus, Im sure people appreciate the expediency at which I work.  Per my style, I like to finish as quickly as possible.

 

Thatís what a lot of the women from the ladies league have to say about you…I mean your right ups of course.

 

  1. Best aspect of CAC hoops?

 

It is really a great group of guys that play.  Everyone loves hoops and plays the right wayÖ guys try to win without trying to kill each other most of the time.  I have to give props to the 3 on 3 tourneys.  To be honest, I have never played hoops while drinking before.  If I had tried this earlier in my career, perhaps I would have made it to the league.  To have that experience at this stage in my career was tremendous.  Special shout out to OD for supplying extra large fish bowl glasses to make sure we were drunk enough to play.

 

5.  In reality, what is the level of play comparison like in the 5 on 5 to say, I donít know, DIVISION 1 HOOPS?

 

Not to take shots at the 5 on 5 league but in general, guys are twice as big and the game is twice as fast in the ACC.  The players in CAC 5 on 5 have a great feel for the game and are all pretty fundamentally sound.  The biggest difference is that most division one basketball players have tremendous physical attributes such as size, quickness, and strength.  Since I had no size, I needed to maximize my quickness and strength to compete.  However, being a white boy with limited hops, my athletic development had a glass ceiling which is why I play here now.

 

Can anyone stop you in this league?

 

Random drug testing and/or ODís fish bowl glasses with a keg of beer.  We got knocked out in the quarters. 

 

  1. According to ESPN.com, you only averaged .1 blks per game in your 2003-04 season for Virginia (http://scores.espn.go.com/ncb/player/profile?playerId=447).  Why did you refuse to play D, did you hate your teammates?

 

Tical, I was brought in by Coach Pete Gillen to shoot the ball.  Playing defense was not part of the deal we made up front.  The 0.1 blocks was a bonus to 40% from three.   

 

Excuses are like ugly relatives Todd, we all have them…Excuses are like assholes, we all have them and they all stink….Excuses are like the recent pictures of Britneyís vajayjay that surfaced, we all have them and they make everyone sick.  Excuses are like…well you get the point.

 

  1. Who is the best athlete of all time?

 

Takeru Kobayashi.  Does not get the respect he deserves. 

 

Yea, nothing like a person with no gag-reflex…Hey I might have just found my soul mate

 

Creepy.  Really frickin creepy Tical.

 

Best looking actress?

 

Jessica Biel

 

Who were/are the Dolla Dolla Billetís hero/es growing up and why?

 

My older brother was a role model.  He was four years older than me and played ball at Rutgers.  Geoff had a tremendous knack for hitting game-winning shots and played with great passion.

 

  1. You dropped 24 on me in our first meeting over in C-Town (http://www.crfcbasketball.com/ww_new.php?leagueT=7&leagueSET=99&week=3), be honest you must have pushed off or cheated some how.

 

Keep telliní yourself that Tical.  The truth of the matter is that I took it easy on you.  I am a smart guy.  If I school your ass, then you make me look bad in the write-ups. 

 

Be even more honest, OD kept telling you the entire game to keep going at me because he wanted YOU to make ME cry by the end of the game (Typical OD getting his goons to out-goon him)

 

I think OD really has something against you Tical. 

 

Penis Envy?

 

Doubt it, but he continued to call my number each time down the court and yelled ìpunish him,î in the huddle time after time. 

 

Why is it always dudes that want to ìpunishî me?  Rhetorical, please do not answer that one.

 

Good Call.

 

8.  According to The Daily Cavalier on December 21, 2002, you played against Rutgers, the school you transferred from the previous year.  Doesnít it prove Jersey has no class by sporting ìBillet Sucksî T-Shirts? (http://www.cavalierdaily.com/CVArticle.asp?ID=19074&pid=1126)

I mean isnít it every persons dream to get out of the armpit of America when they grow up? Shouldnít they have been happy for you to get out?

 

You will have to give me a minute Tical.  That game brings back a lot of emotions for me.  Jersey is a weird place.  The fans really hated me for leaving and proceeded to verbally assault my family and me throughout the game.  The t-shirts were absolutely great.  The UVA bus driver managed to get a t-shirt and pass it on to me after the game.  I still have it today and plan on rocking it at the next ìLeague night outî with a pair of jeans and high tops. 

 

Who is Majestic Mapp and was he in the Witness Protection Agency with a name like that?

 

My boy Majestic is a NYC baller and believe it or not, it is his real name.  To top it off, he has an older brother named Scientific Mapp.  I heard an unconfirmed rumor that Majestic had a son named Rhode.  I will keep you posted on the rest of his kids.    

 

Thatís almost as good a name as Richard Hurtz

 

9.  Do you plan on dominating a League Nite Out like you do on the court?

 

I am definitely looking forward to the next League night out.  Unfortunately, I could not make the last one since I was out of town.  While I may routinely reach double figures on the court, donít plan on any double doubles at league night out.  Donít get me wrong, I will throw back a few drinks and have a good time, but donít expect me to go drink for drink with Tibbs.  The married lifestyle is a little different than bachelorhood.      

 

ìMarried lifestyle is a little different than bachelorhoodî – That may be the greatest understatement in the Corner since I said I had a ìslightî problem staying away from womenís panty drawers.

 

10.  It is safe to say that none of us CAC ballers know what its like to be a D-1 player, so what I want you to do is tell us what was THE BEST part of being a legit BMOC.  Give us a story or a perk that you can share that will make everyone jealous.

 

I canít think of one perk or story that stands out.  So instead I will just run through some of the best perksÖ  Flying on chartered planes always made us feel big-time along with fans seeking autographs.  I learned that people are absolutely crazy about autographs.  I would sign autographs for not only kids but also grown adults.  A few times I received baked goods in mail from a family.  It was always cool to receive letters from young ballers who looked up to me or directly in my eye since I am not that tall.  Many kids who came to the games looked up to the players as role models.  Once I was asked to speak at a high school graduation in southern VA.

 

You think youíre so ìthe manî, well I got to speak at a high school too Mr. Big Shot…The court took 6 months off my sentence.  How you like those apples?

 

Thanks for the much anticipated interview and sense of humor, Todd.  Best of luck dominating the CAC ham n eggers.

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