Tical’s Corner – The MAcho MAn

Today, I have the unspeakable pleasure of having none other than A1 icon, Chris Machado AKA the Macho Man sitting down for an interview.  Since his arrival 2 yrs ago, no one has made more waves on the message boards and from under a towel.  Right now, heís steppiní into momís basement to reflect on his harsh CRFC upbringing and his reign as one of CACís iconic elite on/off the court.

Macho, I now you feel this is long overdue and may take it as an insult that I have baked no cookies for your arrival, but thanks for showing up anyways.

After seeing Dart get his turn, and Al Smooth, I thought if my chance came, it would only be in a dream.  Thanks for having me hereÖ in this basement of yours. This basement is something. It looks like a pimp palace, purple couches, silk sheets, and a collection of pimp cups. Damn, I thought you were kidding about your mom.  She’s hott!

Mama Tical is a saint and I will not have her name be smitten by the likes of any CAC icon.

Ok, I apologize, but you could have seen why they call me the Macho ManÖ

Iíll pretend I didnít hear that.

 

1.  As always, please give us some background info on your colorful past and how you came to CAC, or CRFC as it was known asÖ

I grew up in the mean streets of Somerville pretty much always chasing Kevy Kev from the bus stop to his house. After ten years of trouble, I moved to NH, dodging taxes.

ÖAnd maybe evading an impregnated cousin?  Why else would someone flee to NH because the way I see it, if they caught you up there, swappiní love potion with your cousin is as acceptable as septic systems and not weariní that perfume for your armpit.  Smart man Macho, very smart.

For the record none of my cousins have ever had kidsÖ.Besides, sheís ugly.

Ok, never mind.  You were saying about youíre backgroundÖ

After graduating college, I moved back to MA.  I grew up mainly focused on soccer-

(scoffing)Figures…(Iím picturing Macho sprawled under a towel at midfield)

Excuse me?!? 

Nothing, go on.

AS I WAS SAYING, basketball was only a part time sport. When my soccer career in high school didnít lead me anywhere, I decided to focus solely on basketball. So I ended up playing basketball 24/7 throughout college, and till now.

After playing street ball for a couple of years, playing in Tufts, continuously destroying Phil Davis, and getting sick of people complaining about a call for ten minutes, I decided I needed a place to play with a higher class ofÖ. drunks. I heard from someone about CRFC, decided to take a look, and got hooked ever since. This is when everything changed.

Almost like when the Naziís popped the top on the Arc in RaidersÖToo good not to look, but once you do, you melt for the CAC.

 

2.  You made your name off Kevy Kev AKA Black Ice on a Saturday morning run where u just murdered him, just as 50 blew up by dissing Ja, however, who on the list of Machoís ìDearly Departedî is your favorite?  Al Smooth, Kevy Kev, Ramon, Me (I hate admitting it), JBerr, etcÖthe list goes on?

Tough questionÖ each player has their moment. Kevy Kev has many more check marks next to his name than the others, so heís the lucky winner.  Thatís the truth. Ramon would be #1, but he hacks, and cheats.

Haha, I love it!  You hear that Mone?!  Where you at?!?

 

3.  What does the Macho Man fear?

I know this is all ball, and fun, but I have to switchÖbiggest fear would be Mitt Romney becoming the USA President. After drilling this state to the ground, itís scary what heíd do to this country, even after following the current bonehead.

I see right through you Macho, you prejudiced bastard!   Look, I know the Mormons arenít the brightest of bulbs.  In fact, I think anyone who ACTUALLY wants more than one wife should get EXACTLY what he deserves, but there is no reason to hold animosity towards him solely on his idiotic, I mean, religious preference.

 

4.  Ladies from the womenís league participating at the Friday 5:30 pick up, good idea?

Hey!! What are you trying to do, getting the president to fine me? Itís a good addition; throw some flavor in the mix. I think with the female support group the gym has now, they easily could setup a time for ìLadyís pickupî, if they need it. Plus, since there arenít a whole lot of them that show up, they should maybe get a free pass for pickupÖ

Hahaha, that is the ìFî word that the Commish will not allow is boy to say/hear.  How do you respond to the Hundred Proof Juice, JBerr, claiming she retired you one Friday, only to come back next week and you bury a half court shot in her mug?  Did that earn your crown back?

Why do you want to start fights? JBerr never claimed she retired me. I never lost my crown. You started a fight between Edwards, and Turin. Thatís not going to happen here!!

Sure, Macho, take the easy way out.  You think JBerr is taking the high road just like you?  I should show you some of the emails she sent me, boasting about her dominance over you and how she felt bad the next week, so she ìGAVEî you back the Friday Nite Pick Up Crown.  Yet, again Macho I find myself telling guys not to trust women, even if JBerrís emails donít really exist.

 

5.  Who is the best player at CAC right now and why?

Best player now in A1, according to the stats, it has to be Tosti, a 16 year old kid doing this damage, is really something.

Is that the same person you would take in the first round of the A1 draft if you were a captain?

Nothing against Toast, but I would go BIG in the first round.

Now you are starting to sound like someone from the womenís league.Why arenít you a captain in A1 yet?

Tad bit too much work; mock drafts, responsibility, and getting heckled if your team sucks.

You get heckled every day!  How would this be any different?  You drill your shot, or hack your way back to the road of respect.

Hack??? I can see it now

See what?

You reacting in a similar way like Reggie Miller, after he doesnít get a call in his favor.

Hahaha, hey out of the two of us, YOU are the only one with Diva tendenciesÖYou know what Iím talking about, Mr. Every time I win a game at pick up, I walk out and make everyone WAIT 5 minutes for me to comeback.  Whatever you say Ms. Ross!

 

6. Isnít true you flaunt youíre facial hair for the sole purpose of making me envious I can not attain such scruff?

LOLÖyou donít want it. It would add ten years to your life, but at the same time no more ID checks into a bar. Then again your girl friends ìNicoleî, and ìParisî would dump your ass because you look like a Wolverine. Would you agree?

Haha, I am only their ride.  Believe me, those girls grew up with me so they know better than to waste time with someone whose claim to fame is, ìAt least I donít fold towels anymore.î  Besides, I save a ton of money on shaving expenses.  I DONíT EVEN NEED GEICO WITH ALL THAT CHEDDA IM SAVING.  F U GILLETTE.

 

7.  What one suggestion would you make to the newly appointed CAC Player President to make CAC even better?

1.) The floors should be mopped before people start playing ball, and/or people should not bring their outdoor shoes onto the court. 

2.) Itsí the season for pickup, a dry erase board would be a great help to eliminate confusion about whoís playing next, and possibly eliminate shooting for a spot on a team, which we all know can take time.

3) 5 Player Max. for an A1 Team

Mr. President, the people are speaking, make sure to listenÖThat is if Diesel doesnít end your presidency the Lincoln way first.

8.  Does Machoís dream girl play in the womenís league or do you not date jocks because they are stupid?

Ohhh YeahhhÖjust kidding. Youíre right Tical. These ladies only want to play around, getting phone numbers, getting next to the current PoW, then moving on to the next PoW. They donít want a LTR. Iíll save myself for the best.

Whatís an LTR?

Uhhh Ölong term relationship. Actually, who would want that anyway?

Itís 2007 Macho, you would have thought with all the technology at our disposal have we could have engineered a woman good enough for you.  The only one I see in your class, none other than the Bionic Woman. Beware of the Kung Fu Grip though.  Chaffage sucks!

 

9.  Favorite Drinking moments from CAC, and as always you must try to throw as many people under the bus as possible?

The big two I remember were Sergeís B-Day, and Mixtapeís Bach. Party.

1.  At Sergeís B-Day I remember a conversation going really well with a hot cougar. Occasionally, she would throw me these signs that I didnít really know what they meant. Wolverine was near me, I thought I could ask him for advice. But he had no freakiní clue. Wolverine ruined my night, and the cougar took off with another gent, after speaking for 5 seconds with him.

2.  I have to cut this one short, I know you got things to do on this Friday night.

Yea my mom isnít going to play monopoly by herself.

As you know at Mixtapeís Bach party, we all ended up at Centerfoldís. Adam ìPacmanî Kneeland borrowed cash from me. PacmanÖthe balance remaining is $80.

 

10.  What is the first thing that comes to your mind when I mention youíre fellow CAC icons:

B-Rip ñ Whoís thisÖdid he retire sometime ago? I didnít mean to send your ass to retirement.

GP – Great player to have on your team, plays tough, does it all, top draft pick.

Tibbs ñ You can clearly see him in the dark.

Ramon­- Thinks raising a family is more important than playing ball.

And I think giving the Macho Man his 15 minutes was worth the wait.  Chris, thanks for your time and best of luck shaving that scruff off so the ladies can see you for the ìLTRî gold mine of a man that you are.

 

Whoís Chris?? Itís Macho Man, donít you forget it!!! If you do it again, Iíll be sure Josh will have you back to fold towels.

You donít scare me, but I know better than to call a Macho Man bluff, so MACHO, thanks for stopping by and help yourself to some punch and pie on your way out.

 

What kind of pie?  A slice of Mama Ticalís special Pu-Tang Pie?

Ok, you were warned not to take Mama Ticalís name in vain.  Diesel!  (all of a sudden Joey Diesel emerges from nowhere)  Escort this bastard out the back door and if he gives you any trouble, use his head to open the door, Casino style.

Diesel hoists Macho up by his neck with one paw.  (struggling like a 2 yr old in his daddyís clutches) Tical!  Címon I was just kidding! 

Its good to have Diesel back.

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