TiCal’s Corner: The Majic Man

here is no one hotter in CAC basketball than the Majic Man right now.  If we are talking about the best players at CAC, Chris’ name has to be in the conversation.  Heís coming off a brick worthy season in A1, his Legend Killers (that’s right Tibbs its his team) is sitting atop of the uber-competitive A2 league and he is coming off a spectacular performance at his first LNO.

Chris, thanks for stepping into the Corner

Itís my pleasure, Sean.  If you arent going to show me any love behind the whistle this is the least you could do.

1.  Please give us some background information about yourself.  Where you grew up, basketball highlights/lowlights

Well, I grew up all  over the country (my dad was in the Air Force), but I call North Eastern PA home, thatís where I spent from 7th grade on.  As for highlights, well Iíd have to say dropping 64 points on our division rivals in the title game my senior year on the road, and of course winning the Brick.  Lowlights, Iíd say breaking my foot my freshman year in the first game of the season, I played 2 more games with it broken before my mom made me go to the doctor and effectively wiped out my first season.  Iím sure Momma Oícal would have done the same.

She would have hugged me until the break was healed or hunt down the player on the other team who was responsible for the injury like a good mama bird would for her chick.

2.  JBerr claims on her website (SqueezeMyJuice.net) that she once carried you and two other scrubs to a 3 on 3 title.  How do you respond to this allegation?

Well, I guess that is her version of the story.  She did, in fact, put the team together, so I will give her GM of the tourney for that, but Iíd have to say that the other members of the squad did the heavy lifting.

Typical of women.  You do all the work and they still arenít satisfied.  Oops, sorry I was just reading my ex-girlfriends blog at TicalTwoPump.org.  You can go to the website and check out her verbal lashings of me.  In fact, the website is taking donations to get me Enzyte.  Tax write-off people pony up.

3.  Hilary, Obama or Big Daddy McCain?

They all scare me, but I guess Big Daddy McCain. 

Yeah, see I am so confused on who to vote for, but not for the issues they stand for but the jokes that comedians have made about each candidate.

Hilary ñ ìDo we really want a female for president?  We have enough war going on as it is we donít want anymore every 28 days.î

Obama ñ ìThe last thing we need is a black man in the white house begging for change.î

McCain ñ ìPeople fear having a woman or a black man president, but have you not been alive the last 20 years people?  Do we really need another old white man ruining this country?  Let another race or gender get a chance to run this country into the ground.  Never trust Whitey, people.î

What am I to do I think all 3 jokes deserve some merit?

4.  Is Jay-Z the greatest rapper alive?

Probably is the greatest businessman alive, but gotta go with my boy Eminem, even though his lack of a new album lately is fairly upsetting.

Yeah and his last album was atrocious.  Lyrically there are few that can touch Em, but his last album was about as big an abomination to rap than Snowís ìInformerî.

5.  In A2 you play with possibly the most gutless albino alive.  Even more gutless than that albino from Powder or Foul Play.  Did you know, before you got here, that in the A2, Tibbsí team could never beat the squad I played for and after 2 straight titles, he disbanded the league, only to re-instate it this year and NOT invite back the defending champs?  Ok thatís not really a question, just a vent….

Maybe Momma Oícal needs to switch you to decaf. 

I apologize.  My weaning isnít going as smoothly as we thought it would go.  She wants me to be a big boy but I hate change.

I actually have heard of the team you used to run with in the A2, and I have to say, it sounds pretty impressive (especially since I play with most of them in the 5vs5), but the Legend Killers are a force to be reckoned with.

6.  Who is the bigger whore, Lindsay, Brittany, or Paris?  And I want serious analysis on who and why?  Break this down scientifically

This is a very tough call.  You really do ask all the tough questions.  Iím going to go with Lindsay.  Brittany is so messed up, not many would even sleep with her anymore, and Paris, well, after her sex tape came out, I donít think there was a big line to get with her either (yawn).  That leaves us with Lindsay, more by elimination that anything else, but she seems to be sleeping her way through Hollywood, so I crown her, Biggest Whore of the 3.

I totally agree with your conclusion but if we are going scientific, this is how I break it down.  Brittany was white trash, so it was only natural that she revert back.  You can take the girl out the trailer park, but you cant blame everyone in the trailer park for sleeping with her (or something like that).  Paris is a spoiled little brat who was blessed with a billion dollar last name.  If I had a billion dollars Id be a slam-pig too.  Thus, we are left with Lindsay.  She comes up a child star and all seems normal, then WHAM, her life goes down the crapper for no apparent reason.  Therefore, without a valid reason for being a whore like Brittany (The White Trash Theory) or Paris (the Spolied Brat who is so selfish she is trying to consume all the sperm in the world so no one else will have any theory), I agree with you that Lindsay is the biggest Ho of the group.

Wow that was really scientific.  You sure you donít work for Genzyme?

7.  Thus far, what is your most memorable CAC moment, on or off the court?

Iíve got to say winning the brick in my first season of A1.  Playing with that team was easy, everyone knew their role, and it was just a good group of guys.  Donít know if Iíll be able to top that.

Best aspect of CAC hoops?

The people.  Itís fun to be around so many people that truly love the game.  Also great when those same people like to drink.

8.  Who do you hate more?  Tical the official or Tical the player that flat-out, undeservingly, stole last seasonís A1 MVP?  You only had the highest player rater and was on the team that beat mine twice, second on the road to the brick.

Tical the official, without a second thought.  Although I do believe I was also deserving, you definitely earned that MVP, but every time you officiate one of my games, you let us big guys get killed inside, and as one of the fattest, I mean biggest guys in the CAC gym, we would like an occasional whistle for someone over 6 ft tall. 

Haha, I completely understand.  I should really stop going out with the MixTape before I ref.  My body canít handle the 12 pack sprint and then getting up and down the court.  As always, my apologies for all non-calls.

9.  If the Commish approached you about a reality show starring you and AK what would be your biggest concern before you signed on to the project?

I think my main concern would be that AK would have more access to yelling instructions to me and would eventually make me crazy.  On the court is one thing, but yelling timeout around the house, or benching me for a bad movie choice wouldnít fly for long.  Seriously though, AK knows his hoops, and is a great manager.

10. I have noticed that there arenít as many patriotic songs as there use to be.  Finish this Hook that will some day be sung in elementary classrooms around the globe…. ìOh, give me a home where the Ticallione Stallions roam….Annnnd the Sergen, doesnít scare my women awayyyyyyyyyyyyy?”

What can I say, I play basketball, Iíll leave the musical abilities to someone else. 

No, that was great Chris.  You should get at Em to help him out on the next LP.  Thanks for your time and best of luck in 5 on 5, A1, and A2.