TiCal’s Corner: The Ragin’ Bull

Todayís guest is a player that is dominating both A1 and A2.  Brandon D popped his A1 cherry this season on the AKís team, while in A2, heís a member of Pau Gasolís Beard, the only team to hand the REIGNING champions a regular season loss.  When watching Brandon, he reminded me of former boxing greats, Jake LaMotta and Smokiní Joe Frazier.  He gets low to the ground and just plows to the rack like an avalanche.  If SportsCenter was still doing their queer segment Whoís Now, you would have a hard time finding a better player at CAC right now.  Today, I get him to talk about catcherís mitts, A-Rod, and some hot CAC topics.


Brandon, itís a pleasure to have you step into the Corner


The pleasure is all mine, OíCal.  Love what youíve done with the place


1.  Please, give us some background info about yourself (where you grew up, some life/bball highlights/lowlights).


Grew up in Sudbury, went to BC, and now teach at Lincoln-Sudbury HS.  Best ballin moment was a buzzer beater against rivals Acton-Boxboro in double OT to win.


Oh, man, you just gave fellow Big Nice Teammate, former A-B great, and REAL MVP of the A2, Mazzy, even more reason to take down PGB come playoff time.  Didnít you see the shrine dedicated to him ñ See JBerrís Corner ñ (http://www.crfcbasketball.com/tcorner.php?newsid=166)


No, sorry I didnít use the bathroom while I was there, even though I did S#it on A-B during my 4 years at Sudbury.  Dumbest thing I did in my sports career was quit baseball senior year after being starting catcher and going to the state semiís year before.  Oh yeah, I quit to play volleyball-


(Tical making a sneezing noise that sounds like QUEER)


Sorry, its just my allergies-


Hey!  It gave me my 5th letter in a different sport at least.  I had some serious commitment issues but I did play 4 years of basketball.


I guess that is redeeming.  At least you didnít quit baseball for the Home Ec Crew like I did my senior year.


(Brandon making a sneezing noise that sounds like P_SSY)


Haha, if you think thatís bad I lied about quitting baseball, I just got cut.


So you didnít really take Home Ec?


Ah, no, I took, um rugby. (Manly grunting)  Yea, rugby, ok enough about my past we are here for you.   


2.  My next question Brandon is, if you were Arod (richest man in sports), wouldnít you rather stick your dick into a moist catcherís mitt (or a frickin meat grinder for that matter) rather than sticking it in Madonna?  It would probably be better lookiní and definitely be a LOT cheaper than a divorce from a hot wife.



As mentioned above, I was baseball catcher so Iím partial to the mitt.  It would have to be at least a $200 mitt though (softer leather, preferably Nokoma), and to Madonnaís credit Iíd have ìlike a prayerî on in the background.  I mean she used to be hot right?


So did Helen of Troy, Brandon but if you dug her bones up right now even I wouldnít boink her.  Look at Madonna, she looks like she is sucking on a War Head.


What if they dug up Paris or Achillesí bones?


After watching Troy on DVD, I will assume they buried Paris in a clam somewhere to symbolize how big of a vajajay he was.  Achillesí corpse would probably look better than Madonna now so that would be a tough call.


3.  Is Tom Duncan the best guard at CAC?


Thereís plenty of great guards in the league I could talk about, like Billet and Kahana.  Then just plain good-looking ones like OíCal (whoís beaten me 2 out of 3 times head to head). 


Yes, I had a lot to do with those wins, but I must say I had more to do with my one teamís loss (3-17 shooting!!!)


Ok, for entertainmentís sake let me rephrase and tell you what you really want to know: Whoís better Duncan or Dorey? 


You read my mind.


I checked the numbers for the hell of it.  (Handing me a stat sheet he has prepared)  In A1, Iím averaging .3 more points per game, so clearly no contest whoís the better scorer right? 




Did you just say Obvi?  (Making the sneezing noise that sounds like QUEER)


God Bless you.  (Looking over Brandonís stat sheet)  Hold on a second, did you check those stats closely?  (Handing the sheet back to Brandon)


Hmm, Tom is averaging .2 more boards per game so I need to get in the weight room there, maybe during timeouts. 


Just like D-Mac.  So give me what all these stats and your own opinion boils down to here.


Ok, you seem like a man who is all about the bottom line.  Hereís what it boils down to.  Tom is going to do what heís going to do no matter who is guarding him, because he loves shooting with a hand in his face.  What that means is against a defensive team like Big Nice in A2, if Tom is on itís game over.  Tom is much more likely to score 40, while I score almost the exact same number of points a night.  So if youíre drafting an A1 squad and you have this decision, go with Duncan.  Just pray that Dorey doesnít end up on a team like JUGGernaut again that is already great without him. 


Iíd have to say, after watching Duncan for the last half year I donít think there is a better all around 2 guard if you count Billet as a PG, which I never want to bc that only pushes me further down the troth, but for this interview, Billet can be a PG.


4.  If you had to choose one tumor to amputate from the SportsCenter brain which segment would it be:

A.  TitleTown

B.  Whoís Now?

C.  Any of the stupid sob stories they do with the melancholy piano background

D.  Other


D.   I know heís not on SportsCenter but I think Jim Rome is Bristolís Most Wanted Off the Air.  Anywhere he appears its like nails on a chalkboard and should be removed, but especially on Romeis Burning.  The rest of the selections are horrible too, but he supersedes all of them combined.  PTI should be on at least 6 hours a day. 


He is so hard to like its not even funny.  I hate the way he uses slang to sound cool.  I wish Jim Everette bit Romeís tongue off a la Tyson in their tiff years back. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bVhwCzWrna0)


5.  Who do you have winning the AL East this year and why?


From the games Iíve seen when Iím not ballin at CAC, I think the Yankees will take the division unfortunately, and then the Sox will win the whole thing.  But honestly, if the Rays go all the way I donít even think I could be mad about it. 


The Sox need some frickin Enzyte for them hittiní sticks, Jesus!


6.  Manny Ramirez, your boy or someone youíd like to see run over by a truck convoy?


Any other sport, truck convoy.  Since itís baseball, which is inherently dull to watch besides the Yankees/Red sox rivalry, heís great for the game.  How does he pass drug tests though?  Roids?  No.  But donít tell me he doesnít play high once and a while. 


I donít know.  He could be someone like Brick Tamlan from Anchorman and years from now we will find out heís legally retarded and that would explain so much.  Itís hard not to love a man that in any other country heíd be a ditch digger yet in this country he will make more than everyone at CAC combined.


7.  What is the best aspect of CAC, besides the Sunday officials?


The website, hands down.  The whole league is very well run, but how all the stats and write ups make it on there for all the leagues is just incredible. 


Plus, I can credit playing well in my last 4 A1 games solely to being bashed by Tibbs in this cunning literary work after the Dorey vs. Duncan game. 




What is the worst aspect of CAC, besides the drop dead gorgeous Sunday officials?


The left side of the potentially amazing scoreboard.  Iím gonna end up running out the clock when Iím actually losing one of these games.  Just kidding, my awareness is uncanny. 


8.  Is it true that the only thing that can stop the Raginí Bull from dropping 20 in a game is a bottle of gypsy tears and the blinding sight of Tibbsí pasty thighs?


So far it would appear that way.  If they get out of the first round, maybe weíll get to find out for sure. 


What did you think about your nickname when I dubbed you the Raginí Bull?  Be honest, when youíre at a bar now you introduce yourself as the Raginí Bull.


Never had seen the movie, so I immediately recorded it, loved it, and donít think you could find a more appropriate nickname.  Actually, I think Iíll jump on cafepress.com and custom order a raging bull shirt.  Iím thinking a picture of De Niro on the front, and a huge middle finger on the back.  Iíll wear it when we play against GenzymeÖI mean Big Nice in the finals of A2.  


Yes, I would say that would be a more accurate statement despite Tibbs blatantly freezing us out for the last 2 weeks of the season.  Seriously, we get 2 byes at the end of the season and then a first round bye.  We wonít have played for a month and we will still prevail despite the impartial Prezís scheduling.  Just hope you hold up your end of the bargain.


Weíll be there, and might I suggest bringing your top 2 scorers this time?  Takes more than just sheer good looks to beat PGB. 


9.  Superbad or Knocked Up, which movie sends the more positive message to todayís youth?


Well, I watched Knocked Up with my girlfriend at the time.  Since it nearly led to a pledge of celibacy, Iíd have to say that one. 


See, thatís exactly why I stopped dating 15yr olds last year bc they are so impressionable.  I get them to watch Kids in one sitting and they will whore it up, but then when one of their dumb friends shows them Knocked Up they want to close the snack bar.  But Iím sure you can control your 15 yr old much better than me. You are the Raginí Bull.


See besides being pretty to look at, you and I are just opposites in every way.  You love to pass the ball, I love to shoot it.  You go for the young ones, and I wont even talk to them if they havenít gone through menopause yet.  Still, No to Madonna though. 


Menopause?  You cheap bastard you just donít want to spend the money on condoms you baby hater!  No one uses those baby catcher, STD reflectors anyways.  The Catholic Church forbids their use. Which reminds me of:


Greatest Lines from Half Baked not involving Bob Saget

Willie Nelson ñ ìYou know how much a dime bag cost in my day?

Dave Chappelle ñ ìHow Much?î

Willie ñ ìA dime man.î

DC ñ ìDamî

Willie ñ ìYou know how much a pack of condoms cost in my day?î

DC ñ ìNopeî

Willie ñ ìShoot me neither.  No one ever used them.î


10.  Make some predictions about your teams.  Where do you see JUGGs finishing in A1?


Duncan and I were talking about this while watching a couple A1 games.  Despite some very talented teams in this league, some of the players on them just donít get along with each other. Kneeland is a CAC genius, and not only put together a powerful squad, but Iíve never played with a more likeable group of guys.  I think right now we are one of the last teams anyone wants to see in the playoffs.  Playing without TJ for all those games made us all step up our games, despite a few losses.  The way we play is just so reliable, because everyone can d up, all we do is go to the basket, and we have an in depth scouting report from Adam going into each game.  Anything can happen, but there isnít a team I donít feel like we should beat.  In fact we just knocked my least favorite team to play against out of the playoffs.  Still sore from that.  


Is Pau Gasolís Beard going to play as bad as its namesake come playoff time?  That was some disappearing act by Gasol in the playoffs this year


When youíre straight up eye candy for the ladies like Gasol is, you donít need rings to feel good about yourself. 


For those who donít know, PGB is the team Duncan and I play on in A2.  The A2 league in my opinion is tougher to win.  A1 has better overall competition, but the top teams in A2 are just deadly. Pau Gasolís Beard is the best basketball Iíve ever been a part of.  Iíve been hit in the face with passes in the lane that I didnít think were possible to slip through.  Our only problem is lack of a big man, but Brian, who we all consider to be our best player, has been able to shut down the opposing monsters.  I think anyone CAN beat us, but on the other hand we have blowout potential against any opponent because of the way we cause turnovers and fast break.   Thereís no team that worries me, but thereís no team we can overlook either.  Gonna be a fun playoffs.

Great stuff Brandon.  Best of luck in these upcoming playoffs as long as your interests do not conflict with mine.  And if your girl has any friends who had neglectful parents you know who to call now, right?  Love chicks with attention complexes, easy targets.


Will do.  Thanks so much for the interview, and the shoulder massage.  See you in the finals, donít let me down.