Todayís guest is a man who lets his play do the talking. We all know that gets you no where at the CAC so I am going to try to get him a dam ego. Then, hopefully his ego gets so bad that PGB breaks up ñ Van Halen anyone? (Good Van Halen with David Lee Roth) But in all seriousness, if you are looking for a cat that can ball you found him today in the Corner.
Tom, thanks for taking the time to step into the Corner
It’s an honor TicalÖbut did you really need to knock me out and drag me in here blindfolded?
Itís a new dating technique Iím testing out. I picked it up after watching the National Geographic program last Saturday night about cavemen. I figure if I can get a strong guy like you down here for an interview, the high school girls by the park should be easy prey.
1. Please give us some background info on yourself (tell the CAC world what you want them to know about you)
SurelyÖI grew up in New Jersey (aaaaaaarmmmmmmmmm-pittttttttt!!!!) in a small town called Jefferson, about an hour west of NYC. I grew up playing a bunch of different sports, but in high school I played my three favorites (not counting handball, which sadly wasnít offered)
Handball is for amateurs. I was varsity pocket pool all 4 years in high school.
ìAll State ñAll Wrist Team?î That doesnít surprise me at all. But I held it down with soccer, basketball and baseball. After high school I went to BC, where I studied math and became a gym rat, two things that go hand-in-hand more often than you think. I look at these years as the ones where my passing skills decreased and my propensity to take 30 foot 3-pointers increased. Currently I live in Allston, which works wonders on my yuppie persona, and I love it.
2. Ok, elephant in the room, you owned me in the A2 finals last season. Here is your time to give your props/shoutout to PGB and tell everyone how much you enjoy dicking me over when I ìguardî you.
Well, I wouldnít sell yourself short there (sorry, no pun intended). You give me such a hard time when you guard me, I just got lucky that game. I will give a shoutout to my wonderful teammates, though, for being right there to steer us straight when I start playing like a mad man (and not the good kind either).
3. Will Obamaís inaugural address mention the phrase ìthe darker the berry, the sweeter the juice?î
Before I can answer this question, I need to know what kind of juice weíre talking about hereÖ
The stuff that legends and Tical are made of…
Legends and you? That seems a tad contradictory but in that case, anything that could link him to one of America’s allegedly true stalwarts of journalism (that’s you) should be mentioned at least 6, maybe even 7 times.
That or I want to hear Obama preach, ìOnce you go black you donít go back.î
4. Is the ìJumpstopî good for basketball, why or why not?
When used correctly, the jump stop is a powerful tool, but so often these days you see guys abusing it and using it in the wrong situations. Also 95% of ìjump stopsî now are really travels, and as a newly instated CAC referee I vow to clean up this aspect of the game. Beware B2 West!
5. A girl with fake boobs…insecure and turnoff or cares enough about looking good for you and turnon?
You know, I was going to let my mother read this, but thatís officially out the window, thanks a lot!
Whatís a matter, she canít handle the hard questions? The Corner aint your -G- rated playground, its like a really really cheap and classless Playboy mansion.
Haha, yeah I guess sheís old fashioned. But to address your question, you make a very good point. I had never thought of it like that before. Either way, though, I guess nothing beats the real thing, and Iíll leave it at that.
I walk the walk and talk the talk. Ladies I am the poster child for self improvement so do your thang.
Yeah, you must be the ìbeforeî poster right?
Verbal clubs can hurt just as much as physical ones, Tom.
Haha, ok my bad. Next question please.
6. You get to play Dr. Frankenstein and create CACís best basketball player. What do you take from each player?
Well, I could make it easy on myself and just clone Todd Billet, but that would be no fun for Dr. Funkenstein Frankenstein. I think I would combine Brandon Doreyís relentless pursuit of the rim and finishing ability, Glenn Moodyís insane hops and acrobatic twisting layups, Brian Mulcahyís stonewall defense and passing and Tom Kahanaís outside shooting and accessories. Am I forgetting someone?
Not unless you wanted to add Tibbsí ability to reflect all natural light, the Wolverineís ìprowessî off the court, and my ability to find a 100 different ways to turn the ball over.
Don’t forget about your classic homemade V-neck jersey!
The chicks dig the 2.5 chest hair look what can I say.
7. Who do you hate more, Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens or Brett Michaels for the reality TV abortion known as ìRock of Loveî….Which I, uh, didnít, watch?
This is easyÖas much as I despise Bonds for being a cheating liar and Brett Michaels for doing his best to be the white-trash counterpart to a man with real talent, Flava Flav, at heart Iím just a Mets fan who would love nothing more than to go back in time and fire that shattered bat back at Clemens that he threw at Mike Piazza in the 2000 World Series. And really there is no shame in watching ìRock of Loveî because itís just as bad as every other reality show out there.
I have always said that the Mets lost that World Series when Piazza snatched out and didnít charge the mound. He just walked towards Clemens waiting for someone to step in between them so he wouldnít have to man up. Once the Yankees saw they were playing scared little boys the series was over.
AgreedÖluckily the Yankees haven’t won another World Series since then, and that will have to do for now.
8. Everyone knows that Ticalís Corner is the Beacon of Democracy. This is where the CAC big wigs get some feedback from the players when I ask YOU the player, what is your favorite aspect of CAC?
I know the standard answer here is the stats/write-ups/your incessant sexual innuendos (Sensational Fellacio? How do you get away with this stuff!?), but honestly I just love the style of play in Wall Ball arena. It is the only place where I can play like the manic spaz I am and actually be effective. I feel like if CAC gets a bit more exposure, we might one day see a pro league of some sorts modeled after this, much like arena football, indoor soccer, or even Slamball http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qL8T2IQHy8M
What would you like to see changed or added?
I really donít have any serious criticisms, but just for kicks Iíll say that you guys should hook up a sound system in the gym so we can have our own starting line-up introductions and entrance music. PGB would come out to ìFirestarterî by The Prodigy, while Big Nice can come out to ìItís Raining Men.î
Although many people question my sexuality, which is justified because the last time I even got a whiff of something resembling a vagina I think I was walking on Revere Beach at low tide 2 summers ago, rest assure all other members of the Big Nice have a pink garage to park their car at night.
Phew, but now I donít think I want to post you up anymore!
Gay like a fox, what can I say?
9. This is actually a question that was posed to me after my last date. If you donít open the door for your date because you are busing both trays does that give her the right to say you are not a ìgentleman?î….As she heads towards the bus stop to go home no less.
I think I would need more specifics on the situation before passing judgment, but it sounds like the guy was in the midst of performing another act of ìgentlemanry,î so I would give him a free pass on that one. I guess it also depends on whether or not he paid for her Big Mac.
Big Mac? Is it on the .99$ menu?
Hmm, guess not. Maybe a Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger? Wendy’s is better anyway.
Whoa, Wendyís?! I wasnít trying to marry this girl.
10. I want dirt on PGB! You must give me a great drinking or embarrassing story involving some of your teammates. You get extra points for each teammate you toss under the bus.
To be honest, I donít have much, but Iíll go down the line (I omitted Kahana since I have only spent time with him on the basketball court).
All you have to do is watch the old school videos of the CAC LNO to get dirt on Kahana AKA RoY. The video where he was dubbed ìRoYî was the same night that Tibbs ended up in JRodís trunk, spurring the other nicknames ìJunk in the Trunkî and ìthe Hitman.î
Oh myÖwell I guess we’ll spare him this time around:
Brandon: One time when we went out to the 9ís he ordered a strawberry lemonade.
Glenn: On our way to CAC during our first season I believe Glenn was driving myself and Alex Rios, who was playing with us at the time, and we were listening to the radio when suddenly ìKiss From a Roseî by Seal came on, and all 3 of us immediately went dead quiet and listened to the song in its entirety, soaking up the momentÖand thatís why we went on to beat Tibbs and the Legend Killers that night.
Brian: I remember going to a Halloween party at BC one year and he was dressed as a ninja turtleÖI canít remember which one, but I guess thatís actually more awesome than embarrassingÖand to be fairÖ
Me: I used to be a serious Dance Dance Revolution playerÖand really if that doesnít summarize me in a nutshell, I donít know what willÖ
Haha, I love it. I try to make as many Dance Dance Revolution jokes as possible in the write ups. One night we should bring it to CAC so I can serve you. Tom, thanks for taking the time to step into the Corner.
Anytime, thanks for having me. But before I go, I want you to look at something: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZVDpyL-b0E
I officially wish Chlamydia on you. Please never use a condom again. That video is like watching the ex-girlfriend that ripped your heart out, make an anal sex tape with your worst enemy while heís wearing a Yankees hat and A-Rod jersey. However, I should watch it seeing as how I didnít show up for it!