As of late, the Corner has been one big sausage fest so to taco things up around here todayís guest from the Womenís league is none other than, Hallie Frederick from the Hot Dog Tobogan squad. The leagueís premier point guard and bad girl burst onto the season 2 yrs ago as her and the Hot Pots replaced the Black Mambas as the premier franchise in the womenís league. There is no love loss between her and the rest of the league, and as their ref, believe me, she wouldnít have pissed on me if I was on fire, which I guess isnít different from any other woman in my life so I feel right at home. As JBerr has so eloquently put it, ìYou [me] are about as popular as sandpapered vibrators.î
Hallie, thanks for taking the time to step into the Corner…
Thanks so much for having me. I felt like it was such an honor, almost like I was the ìonly oneî, until you told me to get all of my vaccinations. However, I passed on the shots because I heard that if you stretch you cannot catch any diseasesÖ
That sounds responsible. Next time a girl asks me if I practice safe sex I can finally say ìyesî because I stretch too…When you are trying to reduce diseases/injuries you are playing it safe.
However, I have to admit that I was in line to get into JBerrís Box until the bouncer at the flap sent us all home. He mentioned something about a fire marshal and overcrowdingÖbut you are nobodyís sloppy seconds.
Haha, ok now I know you are a liar because NO ONE has ever had any trouble getting into JBerrís box, HI-OOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Also, thank your mom for the home cooked meal. That was a special touch and really beyond thoughtful of her!
She is still trying to sell me to any woman who will take me in exchange for free meals. Apparently Iím only worth a chicken pot pie.
Lets be honest, if she is serious about unloading you she is going to need up the dowryÖ Maybe free meals and a few calls on the basketball court wouldnít hurt your cause either.
1. Please tell all 3 viewers of the Corner out there a little about yourself
I grew up on the mean streets of Scarsdale, New York where I started playing basketball at a young age. My dad played in college, my sister was recruited to play, my cousins played college ball, and my mom plays a mean game of Horse (it was in the genes). I went to boarding school for my junior and senior year of high school at The Kent School and then continued to play in college (where I majored in boys and beer) up until I fractured both of my shins and the pain killers could no longer cut it on the court (but were very useful recreationally)!
A chick that heavily drank, ìmajored in boysî and had pills, you must have been more popular than the Roofie Fairy in college.
2. First it was George Washington and his boys, then it was Che Guerra in South America, and now itís Jillian Berry back here in the US. Are you an active member in the Hot Dog Revolution and how many pages in childrenís history books should be dedicated to Jillianís Patriotic cause?
Jillianís Box should be immortalized. Hotels built to scale should be erected all over the country. There should be a national holiday named after her. We would have Flag Day, Presidentís Day, Patriotís Day, and Jillianís Box Day. Children would get the day off from school, the post office and banks would be closed. A parade down Madison Avenue (with floats) would occur. Children would study her Box and be tested on it. In fact, maybe there should be a month dedicated to the study of her Box. If Black History month is in February it only fitting that August should be dedicated to her.
The only holiday in August is my birthday and even JBerr stole that this year so she might has well have the whole damn month.
I heard about that and am sad I missed it. Luckily she was able to recreate some of those magic moments on her own birthday…
3. When will the Hot Pots take back the Womenís League title?
It would be nice to have a Hot Pot reunion. We were a force to reckon with on and off the floor. However, despite our efforts Super Nat felt that medical school was more important than CAC, which we all know CAC is where your future is. Jess got married and I decided to run the Boston Marathon so we kind of fell apart.
She is truly a testament to selfishness and intelligent life choice decision making.
4. Just for the record, would you piss on me if I was on fire? Would your answer change if I was not reffing?
Are we talking a small fire, like a few ashes or are we talking stop, drop, and roll? I just want all of the facts before I answerÖ
Letís put it this way, I just get home from reffing, so the whistle is still on. I go to relax and light my MixTape scented candle, like I always do when I want to relax, and the candle is build just like its namesake so of course it breaks and catches my gear on fire. So, it would be a stop drop and roll here.
Well if you werenít reffing one of my games of course I would save you Sean! I would probably not pee on you (unless you are into that kind of thing), but I would definitely throw a bucket of water over your way. However, I am still not sure why I am at your house with a candle litÖthat was not part of the interview agreement.
I was just trying to get the scent of bologna out of the Corner before you got here, but if you think its creepy Iíll blow it out but Iím still not turning off the webcam in the bathroom.
I knew that shampoo bottle looked suspicious!
5. What popular metaphor makes less sense than the other ñ ìHaving your cake and eating it tooî (Why would you want cake and not eat it? Isnít the entire point of having cake is to eat it?) or ìA bird in the hand is better than 2 in the bushî (no comment there)?
I am going to have to go with ìA bird in the hand is better than 2 in the bushî because I am not sure I want any birds in my bushÖbirds would get too messy, especially if they start hatching baby birds. And baby birds have to be fed so then we would be talking about worms (chewed up worms at that)Ö so final answer, ìA bird in the hand is better than 2 in the bushî makes less sense. Not to mention there is already a beaver thereÖ
I am no sexual innuendo expert but I could have sworn you tossed an innuendo or two in there…
6. Who is the better poker (with cards) player, you or JBerr?
Jill took the tableís money last weekend, but it was her and I down to the wire. Until she started bullying me on the tableÖsince then she has started to get into other card games. The girl saw Rounders once and now she requires a container of Oreos to sit at the table and is talking in an accentÖ
7. What is your favorite aspect of CAC?
You are my favorite aspect of CAC. Letís be honest Sean. People come into your corner and say that the league is ìcompetitiveî or that the league nights out are ìfunî, or the message boards and inflated stats make them feel like a big deal, but no one ever says itís the little guy that they appreciate. So I am going to say itÖYOU ARE MY FAVORITE ASPECT! Your insightful and crude commentary, your flawless reffing, your constant yet humorous insults on and off the court is what keeps the Commish taking my dues (robbing me blind) three times a year.
Wow, that is the nicest thing anyone has ever said. Hallie, seriously, you are an awesome pers ñ (I see Hallie struggling to keep a straight face but she busts out laughing)
HAHAHAHA, no Iím kidding itís the competition, my teammates, and the laughs on and off the court.
I hate you, give me back my Momís Chicken Pot Pie. What would you change at CAC to make this piece better?
Nothing. Absolutely nothing. The scoreboard is perfect. The scheduling changes are always communicated, and letís face it, the reffing is impeccable!
I wouldnít change the playerís dueshbaggery on the court or sarcasm in interviews either.
8. Does Jason Varitek deserve a 4 yr contract for what heís asking for?
If a guy like him is hooking up with Heidi Whatley donít you think he should play for free?
It sounds as though you would like professional athletes to be paid in women. Who says you are not a romantic??? So using your theory what happens if a guy starts with a Halle Berry, ìthe most beautiful woman in the worldî and they start not producing, do they then get Rosie OíDonnell?
Absolutely!!! Varitek should have to suffer through the vajajays of Oprah, Rosie and Whoopi before he can come back to the Sox!
Vajajays? Do you watch Greyís Anatomy or something?
How dare you throw Oprah under the bus. I hope for your sake she it not one of the three people that reads your blogÖ.or lets face it, you are finished. (Sorry Oprah, please know that I would never consider you a consolation prize or a pay cut).
9. Best song to get someone pumped for game?
The best pump up song is definitely anything by Celine Dion. If she cannot pump you up, I am not sure what canÖ
The only way I would listen to that French Canuck broad was if I was getting ready to lose my country to the Naziís or if this were the South Park movie and we were goiní to war with Canada.
10. In my expert opinion, CAC is just a pool of eligible bachelors (Trying really hard to say that with a straight face) so what exactly is Hallie Frederick looking for as her ìPerfect Manî?
The perfect man would like:
Getting caught in the rain
The feel of the ocean
The taste of champagne
and enjoy making love at midnight in the dunes of the Cape
If that doesnít describe the Macho Man to a T then I donít know what does…Hallie thanks for taking the time to step into the Corner and best of luck with the Tobaggan this season. If you guys get good officials thereís no stopping you. Do you want Machoís # now or should I email it to you?
Thanks so much for having me. This was fun Sean, despite what everyone else says. Tell your mom I said thanks, her chicken pot pie was delicious. I am already one step ahead of you with Macho Man, we are taking it slow and starting as Facebook friendsÖ
Mach, donít say I never did anything for you despite you DITCHING me in Newport guy!