Tical’s Corner / Wolverine Trap Part Trey – The Return of Delilah

With the new Summer Season kicking off here at CAC, it gives me great pleasure to welcome you all into the Corner for the first blog of the season.  I cannot think of a better way to start off the season than having a CAC Hall of Famer step into the spotlight.  This will be the third go around for the Wolverine and myself (see links for reference – http://cacbasketball.com/tcorner.php?newsid=303 &http://cacbasketball.com/hall.php) and I promise you the third installment of the Trap/Corner will definitely rank up there with other great sequels such as Police Academy IV – Citizens on Patrol, The GodFather III, and Staying Alive…This just says it all…

So without further delay, I give you what Brett Favre would call, the Wolverine’s final retirement party…

O’Cal: First off, I would like to welcome you into the Corner again, but my jubilation is short-lived.  Have you heard that the Macho Man died?

Wolverine: Really? Oh well. I never liked him that much anyway, on or off the court. He had that lame herky-jerk move to the hoop that he used way too often. And he started hanging out with Ripley way too much for his own good. Plus, Macho…

O’Cal: No, no. The Macho Man Randy Savage died, not Macho Man Chris Machado.

Wolverine: Oh, man, I am devastated. I loved that guy. I need to find Elizabeth.

O’Cal: Why?  Now that Ms. Elizabeth’s boo has left us before he could go into a roid rage like murder suicide, do you want her to snap into your slim jim?  Ohhhhhh, Yeahhhh!

Wolverine: Well, let’s just say, first, I’ll just be there for her. Then, after a while, I will just be there.

Is this, for real, your last retirement and what is your “wife criteria” this time around?

For the 6th time in the last 10 years, I am retiring from CAC hoops. I am also retiring from reffing CAC hoops, although one could argue that I never really started.

My “wife criteria” has not changed – whoever can stop laughing first and say yes wins. I’d even take an inadvertent head nod or a hiccup at this point. I should probably start hanging around Tourette’s conventions.

Who is the greatest self promoter that CAC has ever seen, RoY or the MixTape?

I would say ROY because Coke never acknowledges Pepsi exists. ROY’s emergence onto the CAC scene during his 1st LNO is the stuff of legend and he hasn’t stopped self-promoting since. He gave himself his own nickname and got himself a league to run.  All that, plus he can shoot the lights out. It’s a CAC blueprint that Kap now seems to be following, except for the last part.

You are a CAC First Ballot Hall of Famer…how has your life changed since your induction?

Not one bit. I have always considered myself a first-ballot Hall of Famer in just about everything I do. The only problem with narcissists like me is that their love usually goes unrequited.

Anyone you would like to see inducted into the next class?

The next class has to include Cheese, DMac, Serge, JRod, Chise and Andy Danielson. I think that should take care of the CRFC generation. Tibbs is going to have a heck of a time figuring out the class after that b/c there are so many good candidates from the early CAC generation (way too many to mention, but Mazz, Majic, Finn, Tosti, Kneeland, Macho (RIP), Bermont, Kahana, JaySar, Tibbs, Mike D, etc.).

Wow, still cant get you to mention the MixTape’s name.  Pepsi and coke, cats and dogs, me and underwear, I guess some things will just never peacefully coexist.  What do you think we should do going forward as there are many more CACers that need to be enshrined?

With so many good candidates, maybe we make it mandatory that in order to get into the HOF, you have to be a couple, like Jabby, Taintlin, and whatever THend and his girl call themselves? That would really make LNOs much more interesting. And if they ever broke up after getting into the Hall, we could have a ceremony to tear down their statue, like we did with Saddam’s.

Which workout plan do you trust more, the Carrot Top Shred, the Shake Weight, or CAC’s own Body by Buttersworth?

You know that my workout plan only consists of an ab machine.

Who is the biggest Draft bust of all time in any sport?

Edwin Harmon taking Greg Poulos #1 in the CRFC Fall 2003 draft.  Everyone knew Poulos was way past his prime at that point (somewhere PStone is nodding).

Do you think anyone playing at the Wall-Ball arena now even remembers you?

If they know me at all, they only know me as a ref or a stat keeper. Kind of like how the young generation only knows Neil Patrick Harris from How I Met Your Mother. He will always be Doogie to me.

And CAC isn’t really helping preserve my image either by recently taking down my classic blogs. The Louvre isn’t taking down the Mona Lisa just because they haven’t heard from Da Vinci in a while. 

Does the Commish springing for pizza at the last staff meeting make up for the old “ole” he pulled on us a few years back?  There were some pretty good toppings…

More like droppings. He did take us to Abe & Louie’s one year for our staff dinner. What I don’t understand is that the leagues are triple/quadruple the size now, and they can’t spring for a staff pizza party? I know, I know, league expenses have skyrocketed…

What do you miss more, your dear departed kitten or the vodka and red bull days with BRip?

Delilah was great, but she was no kitten. Those days with Ripley easily took years off of my life. And I can’t even say they were worth it because he always got all the kittens. We’d go to Liberty and they would just throw themselves at him. It was like when I reffed the women’s league at CAC one season – I’d show up and stand around for a few hours while groups of women ran around acting as if I wasn’t even there.

I believe a 21 Gun Salute would be in order if I believe for ONE SECOND that you were really retiring for good.  So until I see you and the rest of your Saugus boys playing in CAC’s “Over 40” league, I will just leave this as yet another tribute to a CAC legend…I hope the CAC pension at least entitles you to a Gatorade or Vitamin Water here or there…but I wouldnt hold your breath.