Tricked and Mistreated

So I picked up my morning newspaper (umm, the CAC website of course) and what do I read in the most recent and always entertaining TiCal’s Corner? Apparently, Mr. Tibbs Goes to Hollywood has been promoted and now evidently outranks me! I almost choked on my breakfast (which usually consists of ants, grubs and the occasional ground squirrel). What is my reaction to this horrendous news, you ask? Well, they say when you are angry, confused, and/or hurt, you should take a few moments to collect your thoughts before spouting off at the mouth. Well, screw that! Here are my real time thoughts straight from my head and into my blog:

 

I don’t think he knows it yet, but I do outrank him now. ~ Tibbs

I think these words will remain with me for the rest of my living years, right along with “No, I don’t want to marry you” and “Mr. Filosa, your test results are in and they have come back negative.” Thanks for adding to this list, TiCal!

 

I Should Have Pulled Pedro!

You wake up one day and find out in the morning newspaper that you have been demoted. Hey, how about a courtesy phone call or text, Commish? Or how about a token “it’s time the organization moved in a different direction” meeting with the management prior to the press release? Now I know how Grady Little must feel this morning.

 

Fake Jugs

Had I known last summer at Ramon’s bachelor party that this was going to happen, I would have used a glass cranberry jug to throw at Tibbs instead of the plastic cranberry jug. And for the record, it wasn’t the cranberry juice that provoked the cabbie into chasing me into the maze that is the Kendall Square garage. It was the full bag of Ruffles. And I am pretty sure I stepped on the bag before I threw it at Tibbs and into the cab – yes, I made it rain Ruffles.

 

A ROD In My Side

Could the timing of this announcement be any worse? The holidays are just around the corner and I just purchased my entire Fall wardrobe, complete with a Xmas red dry-fit (youth large, of course). I am still hoping this is some type of cruel Halloween prank that will all be revealed tonight as I continue my tradition of passing out candy to the players on Halloween.

 

The Royal Penis is clean, Your Majesty.

Not only is this one of the best lines ever from any movie, it’s a concept that Tibbs will become all too familiar with if he hasn’t already.

Party Foul

Is it possible that I have become obsolete? Maybe I should start going to these CAC parties that everyone keeps raving about instead of staying in on the couch with my cat. Nah.

 

Will Work For Gatorade

I hope Tibbs and the rest of the CAC staff appreciates the fact that I used to do the scoreboard for a free Gatorade! This was of course before the CAC staff was formally unionized and our pay and health benefits greatly enhanced. Wait, that actually hasn’t happened yet. Mr. Tibbs, this should be your first order of business or else I am going to sick our own Mike Ditka (Edwin Harmon, Big Ben, take your pick) on you!

 

Well, We’re Movin’ On Up!!!

Finally, well, I respectfully say, good for Tibbs! We all know that the kid is an aimless boy wonder and probably needs the promotion way more than I do at this point. Really, I am doing just fine. Really, I am. Seriously, I am a good person and people really, really like me. Don’t they?

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