Tuesdays With Sergery

This winter marks the 4th anniversary of the CRFC B Leagues and I have now “reffed” over 1,000 CRFC games on Tuesday nights. But way more important than reffing all those games are all those dinner breaks I get while the karate people take over the court and look at themselves in the mirror for an hour. I used to fly solo on these breaks for dinner at Boca Grande and then dessert at the Cambridgeside Galleria (see Mall Trip blog est. 2004), but for the past few years Sergery and I have rolled together. Let’s take a peak at how our Tuesday night dinner break typically unfolds for me and the Surgeon General.

6:15 ñ The 5:30 game barely ends and I have already taken off down the hallway so that players canít yell at me and further delay my dinner break. Serge lags behind and tells any player who will listen what a horrible game I just reffed.


6:18 ñ I patiently wait to leave as Sergery asks his flavor of the month at the front desk if she wants a burrito from Boca, cleverly laying the ground work for a date request later that week. I’d say Serge’s hit rate of front desk workers hovers around 50%, which isn’t bad, except for the fact it includes Butterworth and the new massage guy.


6:19 ñ We walk over to Boca and complain about either the cold, the heat, the snow, the wind, or the rain. We were even able to drive to Boca once after we locked the parking lady in the staff bathroom when she came in to use the phone to call overseas.


6:22 ñ We arrive at Boca and order the exact same thing every week ñ steak burrito grandeí with just rice, which is essentially a Spanish steak and cheese. One of my 2007 New Year’s Resolutions was to spice my meals up a bit, so I now ask for double cheese.


6:23 ñ Serge inevitably pulls the “I forgot my wallet at work” trick and I pick-up the Boca tab, which generally is still single digits b/c we are too cheap to buy drinks (plus, we get the tap water for free).


6:26 ñ Over our burritos, Serge usually lists his latest CRFC hoop squad that he has recruited for the following season. There are always about 35 guys on his teams, but every team always somehow includes Trevor.


6:28 – We also always get to talking about how easy the rest of the league staff has it. JROD just shoots videos once a season and sometimes even passes that off to someone else. Manning just takes a few pictures around playoff time. Kneeland hardly ever does the write-ups he is assigned to do. And Tibbs spends most of his time picking out new ties and downloading songs for his iPod. Not to mention we haven’t even seen O’Cal in months.


6:30 ñ We finish our burritos and walk into the mall through the Best Buy entrance and talk about how we are someday going to buy one of those cool plasma big-screen HDTVís that Rip and Arnie have.


6:31 ñ At this point we usually curse Josh out for not giving us a raise in 4 years.


6:33 ñAs we walk into the food court for our free sample tour, Serge pulls out his very own silver toothpick. We once calculated how many wooden toothpicks we wasted on these free sample tours during the season, so Serge decided it was time to finally put a stop to the waste. Think globally, act locally.


6:40 ñ After our 4th round of free samples, Sergery usually opts for a few cookies and a coffee from Aubdominal Pain. Somehow he has found his wallet to make this purchase.


6:41 – I stop at Dunkin Donuts for my weekly donut, usually either a chocolate cruller (a/k/a Ray Victory stick) or butternut donut. Another one of my 2007 New Year’s resolutions was to get two donuts instead of one on Tuesday nights because the choice is too painful for me. Stay tuned for my follow-up blog titled “Fat Tuesdays” to be posted sometime in February.


6:45 ñ Sergery claims he feels a cold coming on (his 6th cold this winter) and stops at the CVS to buy another case of Sudafed. I guess he thinks he is fooling me, but I watch 60 Minutes, so I am keen to what’s really going on here.


6:55 ñ We exit the mall, complaining about either the cold, the heat, the snow, the wind, or the rain.


7:05 ñ We arrive back at the gym, quickly coming down from our dinner and dessert high, and curse the Commish for scheduling 9:45 games again this season. We both agree to take a stand and not agree to work 9:45 games next season. Again.


7:18 ñ Serge continues to talk with whomever is at the front desk while I finish entering the write-up and stats for the 5:30 game, getting them up on the website within an hour of the game’s completion. Only ESPN has a better turnaround time.


7:19 – I check my email and see that someone has asked me where the write-ups and stats were for the 5:30 game. Because, after all, ESPN gets them up real time.


7:20 ñ I file this email in my “White House Testimony” email folder for when CRFC is indicted by Congress for selling an illegal and addictive substance.


7:30 ñ I blow the whistle (sometimes for the last time) to begin a very, very long 3 hours of reffing