View From the Balcony: TSpin

‘Round and ‘Round We Go…Where we Stop…

View From the Balcony: TSpin

So Iím going to try my hand at this whole interview process as well.  I know, I usually reserve it for the teams (ok, I only did that twice) but seeing as Iíve now got some competition from the increased size of the blogosphere, I need to step my game up.

The Warden, I mean Gripp, wouldnít let me have any friends over after the tantrum I threw on Monday night.  Donít ask, but just know that it involved a lot of spilt milk and cookie crumbs thrown across the room.  Hence, Iíll be conducting all my interviews via email.  Sad I know, but no one wants to sit in my pale presence for too long.

This weekís guest is a newly crowned A1 Champ, his cherry having been popped on Monday night against Letís Duet.  Heís ridiculed by me on a consitant basis, has started to introduce himself to the boards, and it looks as though heíll be a staple of the CAC Contingent for seasons to come.  Heís the Bald One, Tim Spinney, aka TSpin

 

My bad for not getting back to you in a timely fashion Tibbles.. and Lord only knows if you’ll delete this e-mail based on last night’s debacle but count me in for next season.

 

Au contraire mon ami ñ I donít hate you that much, although my pain is like the deep fires of a mighty volcano as it burns through my loins and out while I pee.  Wait what?  I think what I was trying to say is that, yea, this hurts like a motherfíker but the only way to get rid of it is to immerse myself in it.

So you ready for a little sit down 1v1, Costas and Phelps style? Weíll do this since I know youíre too much of a b!tch to play me on the courtÖ

 

Fires?  Volcanoes?  Like you need any more rouge in your life Ginger.  As for your burning sensation, I suggest that you either contact your physician or call O’Cal for that soothing crotch rot cream.
Why wasnít I invited over?  Is my head too shiny?  Or is it because The Brick is just ever so lustrous in my mitts?

1)  BastardÖhowís it feel to win your first Brick??  I remember, back when I could hit free throws and miss fewer lay-ups, that TíNíTosti carried my sorry excuse of a playoff performer to a Brick.  That was like 2 years ago, so remind me, how sweet is the nectar of victory?

 

How sweet it is you ask?  Knowing that it came against you?  In a blowout fashion (and just might be the largest margin of victory in a Finals game)?  Tibbs, the only way I can even begin to describe it is that it’s sweeter than the Mike’s Hard Lemonade and Smirnoff Ices that you choose to consume on a daily basis.  Yes, that sweet.  Knowing that it was alongside O’Cal, Mr. August himself, may have made it a tad bit sweeter.  I mean this is the only guy bold enough to draft me knowing that he’ll get the high-quality production of ten points and five fouls every Monday night.  If I had to compare it to anything it would probably be the equivalent to feeling like the Americans winning the 4×100 freestyle relay.. simply knowing that right now you feel like Alain Bernard after his “smashing” statement (a 23-point regular season win doesn’t mean shit, especially when you get blown out by 35 in the Finals and one guy almost outscoresyour entire team).  So yea, to sum it up, it feels good.

 

Not only does he have the gall to draft you, but he takes you in the third round!! Talk about a reach of epic proportions.  Unbelievable, why do we even let him draft if heís just going to do that?  With you coming back next season, I might as well toss you on his team now.

All that venting about Mondayís game made me cry a little more.  Excuse me while I devour a giant chocolate ice cream sundae.

That feels better, but Tosti still treating me like his goo-rag really, really hurts, I feel dirty. I thought we had something special.

 

Goo-ragÖinteresting.  Yet another theory to explain your Albinism?

 

Hey, weíre exchanging emails, not G-Chatting, stop interrupting meÖ

2) So howíd you get to this point, what roads have you traversed in your lifelong Journey for a Brick?? How have you put up with the ëStallioní (I have evidence and a witness that will utterly destroy OíCalís credibility with that nickname) for so long?  What brought you to CAC Basketball, and how have you copped with people overestimating your basketball skills, seeing as youíre a Bald White Guy

 

The last 25 years of my life have been a blur.  Born, raised, and still stuck in Everett.. or what semi-resembles Everett at this point (thanks in part to Paulie G patrolling the streets).  Throw in some basketball, football and baseball, five years at Northeastern, a couple of quality trips to the Squire and King Arthurís, and that’s my life in a nutshell.

I first laid eyes on the stud they call the Stallion while interning with the Commonwealth in the C-Un[i]t, otherwise known as the CORI Unit.  Our typical day usually consisted of: an hour of work, an hour and a half of lunch/making in fun of co-workers, a half hour of potty time, and anywhere from five to six hours of Yahoo! poker.  We had a bit of bonding time to say the least.  From that moment on, we were like Rob & Big.. we had classes together, ran intramurals together, etc.. it was like we were destined to be with one another.. in a totally heterosexual way of course. 

Is /No Homo too dated a reference to use here?

No homo?  Since you’re from the 70’s with your tumbleweed hair (weren’t you supposed to shave that mop in the losing of a bet?) I’ll let it slide.  As for the man crush.. no, this isn’t an O’Cal-on-Brian Skerry type of man crush.  It’s more of a mutual understanding and respect of and for one another.  I get his funnies, he gets my funnies.. we share a toothbrush.. he picks out my socks, I pick out his socks.. OK, maybe it is kind of eerie.  Anyway, for a 25 year-old that looks like he’s 12 and has shaved maybe seven times in his life Mr. August does pull some solid poon.  Whether it be cougars, Spanish versions of his ex-girlfriends, or chicks that just prefer a good ol’ fashion VHS over DVDs, the kids got game.  Then again, I’ve been on past teams with him that he’s named 7 AM in P-Town, Red Rockets, Face Down clAss Up.. yea, he’s definitely straight.

And youíre forgetting the epic Love Explosion that ended his 4 year drought ñ yea I think he questions his own man hood on occasion.  But let me get this straight, you make all the accusations to my sexuality and yet youíre the one with the man crush on OíCal?? No wonder the Ladies canít ever get a firm grasp on him; heís batting for both teams!!

 

Hey, let’s face it.. if he doesn’t like playing his current position of RF and Lance Bass offers him a contract thinking he might make a cute, little SS in his schmedium pants (youth of course) for them then, as Bobby would say, that’s his prerogative. 

 

God weíre off topic: back to the question, what brought you to CAC Basketball?

O’Cal put the CAC bug in my ear about a year and a half ago.  We were out one night and he explained it to me as another place where I could relive my teenage glory years, talk a little shit, and, well, still suck.  I was kind of hesitant at first but then he threw in that we get cool jerseys and a t-shirt every so often.  I’ve been hooked every since. 

Now that I look at it, it’s funny.  You know who else worked at the C-Unit with us?  Paulie G.  Who else is a fellow NU alum?  Paulie G.  And what happens when the Tripod was on the court together for the first time ever?  A brick.  It’s funny how some things just come together. 

 

3) You talked a bit about the Tripod (something OíCal will never hear) ñ do you guys have big plans for League Night Out? Itís coming up on September 6th at the Greatest Bar, in case you hadnít heard.  Last time that crew was out, I believe you were wearing a hat that pissed me off to no end.  Why canít we ever just get along??

 

You and I are just polar opposites.  My team wins, your team loses.  You like John Mayer, I like Kelly Brook.  I watch LeBron & Co., you watch Jonathan Horton & Co.  You say tomatoe, I say tomato.  That’s just the way it is.

Iím straight, weíre not sure about youÖI see where youíre going with this

Though I don’t have the fondest of memories from the Greatest Bar we will all be in attendance for League Night Out.  The Tripod may have something up their sleeve.. but we’ll just have to wait and see.

 

4) Inquiring minds what to know what was up with the red t-shirts before every game.  By the playoffs I knew it couldnít be coincidence.  Was it an OíCal motivational ploy? Did Mama Tical just do the teamís laundry and leave that sitting out on Sunday night?  Whatís the dealÖ

 

The red t-shirts just came together.  I wore my fabulous, hot off the press CAC t-shirt one week and by coincidence Jim and PG had as well.  A week or two later O’Cal joined in, and so on.  I guess it created a synergy amongst the team.
[OK so I lied.  Mama Tical had the team over for “dinner” and did all of our “laundry”.  You can say it became a weekly thing.]

5) So, everyone gets hooked eventually, but there is always room for improvement at Wall Ball Arena.  Tell me, whatís on your mind to make CAC better.

 

CAC is an all-around good time.  There aren’t any real knocks or drastic improvements that come to mind but maybe the league can get the new scoreboard up and running on a full-time basis.  It’s not FDCU’s fault that Tosti shot the bulbs out against you.. we weren’t the ones playing D on him.  Other than that the league is great.  Good competition, stats, personable boozebags, a little smack talk.. can you really ask for anything more?

 

See thatís what I like, a positive review of the CAC for once.  Everyone on the message boards can be so damn negative.  Like they think theyíre anonymously posting or something.  Donít they know I have all the email addresses and can hunt them down?  I swear, the longer I hold this post (easy now), the less respect I get.

 

6) This is something that OíCal and JBerr havenít learned yet, itís that most of the CACers a short attention span.  Itís long enough to check their stats and then ëCtrl+Fí their name to browse for shout outs in the write-ups.  Thatís it.  Their 10 question format, itís too long, too drawn out.  Youíre getting off the hook with just 6.  Consider yourself lucky.  Whatís in store for the future TSpin?  I know youíve got more Bricks to win before itís all said and done, but what do you aspire too? (And no, I donít mean becoming the president of a company such as Rogaine)

 

Well right now I’m on a 24-city tour with Rogaine.  What can I say?  Winning the Brick has it’s kinks.  I mean who wouldn’t want to bounce around from city to city alongside the likes of Karl Malone and John McEnroe?  And do you know how many illegitimate children they have?  It’s insane.  These guys have a son or daughter in every other city.  That could be my long-term goal.. to produce enough children to put together a squad at CAC.  C’mon, think about it.. five to six TSpin’s on the same squad?  With their cardio and foul trouble I think I should aim more along the lines of ten to twelve.  I pray that they get their mother’s jumper though.  And hopefully you have at least one carrot top.. well, then again, I suggest you adopt.  Either way, hopefully theres a Tibbs they can slap around on the court, minus the bitching and wall slapping.  The travels wrap up the 12th and then it’s on to aiming for back-to-back Bricks.  That barely leaves me enough time to wipe my ass.. but when I do, I’ll make sure to put it in your basketball kicks (though your game is shit anyway).

 

Thatís what I like to see, a venom-laced tirade to close out this little experiment.  Iíve got to say itís been an absolute pleasure reading as you rant and rave, jumping from one subject to the next.  Be happy in the knowledge that I shed a single tear every night with the memory of that game and good luck next season in your quest to repeat.  We know Sean is the only captain that would ever draft you.  Any parting advice or can I close this out in quiet peace?

 

A.) I didn’t know you can read.. nor did I know that English was your first language.  I thought Gripp was translating everything for you.  Congrats on being a “functioning” member of society.

B.) I’m glad you cry day in, day out due to the fact that you lost by 35 in the Finals and your team was almost outscored by a single player (did I mention that already?).

C.) May you never be impeached and remain the Playa President for ever.  Who else can we treat like the other team’s mascot and kidnap and piss on?  Constantly remind them of how much of a fruit they are?  Just you Scala, just you.  You have everything a basketball player needs except handle, a jumper, stamina, agility, any type of presence (inside specifically), and toughness. In other words, you own a jersey and a pair of shorts.

All in all, this has been a great experience.  As you said, this was like Phelps (obviously me, with the Brick of course) sitting down with Costas (you do nothing but talk).  I have few words for a couple of other GMs:
AK – Keep working on your motivation speeches.  You think you’re the modern day Vince Lombardi but you’re more of a Red Klotz.
Serge – I wish you the best with your recovery.  I’d say use your third leg to replace the second but when O’Cal doesn’t text you to come back to the basement for a second time you know you’re lacking something.
Mike D – Please, PLEASE put down at least a 12-pack before playing.  I know when you knocked down two or three from downtown you thought you guys had a shot.. but then you sobered up.  Stay drunk, and keep stretching for twenty minutes at a time.
And for you Tibbs, I just have two words – Fail better.

Whyíd I even bother to ask, I knew you couldnít keep your mouth shutÖ

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